Saturday, June 05, 2004

Day after Overtime almost awake....I am the aftermath of 2 days of overtime...

Feeling rough....worked 25 1/2 hours instead of 15....the extra 10 and a half really took it out of me. Thank christ for the weekend, day and a half off and I need it. Need a shave too, am starting to resemble Neol Edmunds. Oh god.

"Nurse, stand back, prepare the syringe, 50mm of Kerosene, and 5 matches stat...we'll burn the fecker off!"

The ritual of having a shave is one of which I don't abide by frequently. Well I do, but that's if you call frequent once a month. Me razor's a Mach3 Turbo, meaning it's only meant to cut you twice instead of eight times. Sometimes I use it too. I'm trying to learn how to perfect the Ancient Art of the Goaty at the mo. I am still a lowly padawan compared to the Jedi Master pictured above. I don't know why George Lucas didn't cast the Edmunds as Obi-Wan, just imagine the Obi-Wan death scene;

Obiwan is walking down a black metallic corridor. Darth Vader steps out behind him.
Vader I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The
circle is now complete.
Obiwan and Vader go at it with varying stab and parry motions, reaching the point where Luke is in a shootout in the background. Obiwan sees this and notices that Darth takes interest in Luke, but not in a gay way.
Obiwan Run Luke, run!
Obiwan turns to Darth and lowers his lightsaber.
Obiwan Strike me down, and I'll come back more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
Vader Fair enough.
So Darth kills him, only to find that he's chopped up a rug. Darth looks spun out.
Luke No!!!!!! Luke isn't quite close enough to see that Obiwan has just disappeared, and is not dead
Luke and the rest run into the Millenium Falcon and that flies out while filling thier pants.
Vader Errrm.....(kicks the robe) that wasn't meant to happen. Guys (turns to rest of Storm Troppers), erm, did anyone see a naked Jedi run past?
Mumbling and the occasional nopes are heard.
Vader Ok...we'll just say I killed him. Sounds cool.
At that point, Noel Edmunds walks in disguised as a Traffic Warden.
Noel Are you allowed to park that rug there sir?
Darth Vader looks around, somewhat baffled by what's going on.
Vader Sorry about that...I'll move it if you want.
Noel I'm sorry, but it is causing an obstruction, I'll have to write you a ticket. You know why we give these tickets sir?
Vader Aw god, I've only been here two minutes, if I move it, can you scrap the ticket?
Just for the effect, Vader uses the Force(tm) to throw the robe onto a passing Storm Tropper, who comically trips over a dead body when trying to see where he's going.
Vader See? It's out the way now.
Noel I've started righting the ticket now's a criminal offence to destroy this sir. I'm not the criminal in this case, that's where you come in.
Vader Oh come on..starts rolling shoulders, looking like he's obviously sulking Well how much is it?
Noel Seventy pounds sir.
Vader Seventy Pounds? And you said I was the criminal!
Noel It can be paid at your local Post Office.
Vader Oh god, that was on Alderaan, and that blew up. Ahead of schedule too. Typical.
Noel Starting to smile now, trying not to laugh Er...well how about Hoth, bit far away, but they got a Post Office there. The Traffic Police accept Postal Orders.
Vader Okay. Sorry about that.
At this poing Mr Blobby enters with six Storm Troppers, all of which are doing the Can-Can.
Mr Blobbly Blobby blobby blobby!
Vader Penny beggining to drop What's going on here?
Noel Opens his traffic warden's jacket to reveal a Gotcha Oscar Gotcha!
Vader Yoooouuu bastard! Starts laughing and hugs Noel I said I'd never get caught, you bastard.
While they are all laughing, Luke comes back with the rest of the Rebellion and blows up the Death Star, while Darth and his goons with Noel are pissed on the after-show party. Thank fuck.

Much better ending than the original, I'm sure that you will agree.


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