Friday, June 04, 2004

Work Sucks

Oh gawd, the village freak, also known as the Mekon, has just sat down opposite me. What the feck have I done to deserve this? I got 7 hours of this moron yapping to customers on ze phone to go now. I can't beleive it. I'm now considering "Was it worth the overtime?"

This is actually a rather good artist's impression of the freak; his head and face are frigheningly similar to that of the Mekon's; apart from the green we're looking at his passport to be honest. He is of catergory MEGA WINGER EXTREME GURU EDITION, which basically means that he winges until he gets. With anything. He was labelled by the Captain (that's me, that is) as being the Disk Squirrel. He'll winge and whine for you to burn as much for him as possible....even if it won't work for him he'll want it, just for the sake of it. Damn him, he of the big forehead. Damn him and his seating position of just 2 yards from me. Damn him indeed.

Oh no, mega-alert! As well as having Twonkhead the Scrounger opposite me, I've now got someone else sitting next to me, whose just as bad, but for different reasons. Reasons being good ol' Billy Whizz is a well known ex-druggy. He doesn't take the magic dough anymore, but it's left him is a well abuvise state, where he's gotta slap the keyboard instead of typing it. As well as that, he's also got to randomly stand up and walk around, while taking a call. We've seen it where he's on a call and walking about 10 feet from his phone, leaving the cable swinging about, and he almost tripped up 2 managers (almost, shame). Plonker.

Plus, he looks a bit like Blakey from "On the Buses" too. Heh heh heh.


4 hours in, and blood is starting to come from me eyes and ears. Tim Henman has just lost to somebody which no-one's heard of in the semi's (keep that flag flying Tim, right in the runner's up spot lol) and Billy Whizz aint stopped fidgeting. I've tried to bribe him by sending him a link for this cool pool game but that only worked for 10 mins. He's got more concerntration than a ringworm, but the ringworm was a close second.

The Mekon is still opposite me, his headphones are wrapped around his big head like the rings of Saturn (about the same size too, lob headed mutant fecker) and the occasional groan is heard, as mentioned earlier. I've heard that he was made genetically out the DNA of Richard Obrien of Crystal Maze fame and a mad Gypsy woman from Mablethorpe. Would not surprise me in the slightest.

Been losing alot of concerntration today....2nd day of overtime, and I'm starting to feel it. 2 days on the trot working 4 hours extra per day does drain anyone a bit, especially in this kind of job. INTERNET TECHNICAL SUPPORT!!!! That's right, the Captain is one of those. But heed not, for I am not one of those "brought up just for the job" type people, to whom you hear many horror stories. I am the genuine article tech support type - was building these damn machines well before working here. So then....after establishing that I'm tech support, I'd like to point out that it is currently at my 24th hour of tech support, with 23 hours and 5 minutes of tech support given out by myself since yesyerday morning. It is now 6.20pm, and the peeps are not getting any more clever either. I would like to say that I don't personally hold a grudge against any of our customers (except for the ones which ask the impossible, christ, I've some stories of them - more on that in a bit lol), but I blame the people who sell them the products. As an example, 2 years ago, a random granny from Teeside would have thought that Broadband was a new type of knicker elastic, but nowadays we speak to them everyday.
"I can email my kids in Austrailia with Broadband" says one granny from Glasgow. Any particular reason why they are living on the other side of the world? To get away from irritating grannies, that's why. They don't want spam from their gran telling them the best way to cook Yorkshire puddings, hell no, they want the occasional Christmans Card and a letter, that'll do for fecks sake. Bet it takes the average gran 40 minutes to type a single sentenced e-mail anyroads. Too busy putting talcumn powder on or dying lol.

Erm....lost the plot then...where was I? Oh yeah, after working 24 hours out of the last 34 and a half hours speaking to mis-sold products etc it turns out that I'm losing a bit of focus. Yup, that does happen. If only I liked coffee. Damn. I've been opening up interesting webpages, and can't be arsed with any of them lol;

Adventure Quest our workplace tried to block this, dunno why, but they forgot to block the IP address, so it's kept me quiet :)

B3TA the saviour of the Internet, damn good collection of comedy and oddities, and obsessions with Domo.

Play For Your Club Good footy site

Christ I'm bored. Heard this wonderful story in the Sun today. Headlining alongside the tragic death of Britains Princess Di's Mum, who sadly passed away recently, we have a wonderful article on "Ducks have Accents!"

Why did I buy this paper? Oh yeah, for the tits.

PS Lancey wanted a shoutout. Fecking n00b.

Lancey's Blog

Right Lancey, there we go....stop spamming me, or I will spam you back (and I'm a better spammer).

PPS A Little Joke for our reader;

One fine day in the forest, Mr Rabbit is on his daily run when he sees a giraffe rolling a joint. ‘Giraffe, oh Giraffe!’ he calls. ‘Why do you do drugs? Come run with me instead!’ So the giraffe stops rolling his joint and runs with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing lines. ‘Elephant, oh Mr Elephant, Why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead.’ So the elephant stops snorting, and goes running with the other two animals. Then they spy a lion preparing a syringe. ‘Lion, oh Mr Lion’ cries the rabbit, ‘Why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead.’ But no - with a mighty roar, the lion smashes the rabbit to smithereens. ‘No!’ cry the giraffe and the elephant. ‘Why did you do that? All he was trying to do was to help you out!’ The lion growls at them. ‘That fucking rabbit always makes me run around the forest when he's whizzing his tits off.’

Ha fecking ha.

Just deleted 175 work e-mails, 4 of which had something to do with work. And those 4 said the same thing, which we all knew anyway. Then, after discovering that one of our senior members, looks like Gollum, decided to draw a piccy of him, just to wind him up. Gotta make our own fun in work.


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