Thursday, December 23, 2004

2 Days Left, Not Long Now

Managed to avoid Christmas shopping yesterday....well ok, postpone it until late tonight. Got a 24 hour Tescos up the road, so we may as well use it after I finish work tonight. The Christmas meal is looking more like Microchips every day.

Been a bit of a crap buildup to Christmas; wasn't there meant to be atmosphere, or Christmas Spirit, or Ganja or something? Something to make us feel excited about the event. I mean, most peeps will be lucky if they get loads of goodies and spend time with the family. Isn't that what it's all about? Well no actually. Some twange being born in a stable, then 30ish years later dying on a cross saying "Sorry" apparently. And we're not too sure if that's true either. We've gone from fact to a question of faith by here. This might be tricky. Oh fuck it, I'll start off on Christians now. It is Christmas after all.

What's the deal? Some guy gets beaten, everyone cries, he comes back a few days later and he's all "My dad's a God" in some big cheesey voice, and eveyone loves him. Coma perhaps? Atkins diet for too long? I don't know. But there again neither do the Christians. Yes, they've got the Bible, which has been in their midst for the last 2,000 years, but it's been edited so many times, that God has been given a male image, and Jesus is pale white. I though God was "eternal", possibly meaning that he/she/it had one of each, and was not beleived to be either male or female. Like Lisa Lee Dark from one of my previous posts (see here). Fuck me, I'm not worshipping that. The Church has decided to opt for the "Faith" excuse alot during all of this, which doesn't cut the mustard on the Chrismas Turkey if you ask me. Faith is a scary thing; it changes people who from one line of thinking to the religion's line of thinking, and depending on the situation that can be dangerous. Especially if it kicks in at the wrong time.

Negotiator and guy on ledge on top of a 30 storey building.
N - "Cmon son, it aint worth it. Come down off the ledge."
J - "I can't take it no more, it's too many re-runs of Sons and Daughters on UK Gold, and it isn't even made in the UK, it's from fucking ozzie land. Makes no sense!" (starts crying)
N - "Sons and Daughters never made sense, don't let it get you down. Neither did Neighbours or Home and Away and for that matter Prisoner Cell Block H."
J - "I liked Cell Block H."
N - "Errrr yeah, you are right, was right good that was, sorry."
J - "It's like this book, what's this all about?" (throws a Bible over to the negotiator. The negotiator picks it up and quickly thumbs through it)
J - "It said that God lives and acts in our every actions. What the fuck is that about? I'm not a puppet!" (edges closer to the brink)
N - "Hang on......hmmm...blimey. According to this, God loves us all, and if you fall and die, you've going to live in Heaven with him forever, and everything will be great. This is good shit this is. Is it true?"
J - "Some people think so."
N - "What are we waiting for then?"
Negotiator grips the Jumper's arms and leaps off the building. A few seconds later, there is a large splatting sound. The Jumper is hanging onto the ledge.
J - "Fucking loon. Ok, I'm coming down safely..."

It's like those American Soul Preachers, what the le fuck is that all about. The Power of the Christ ballad is strong, by all accounts. I'm trying to find a decent homepage for one of the fruitcakes...1 sec....Pastor Doug . He's a bit of a fruit 'n' nutcake. Plus he's highlighted the fact that he's a batchelor too. Is that anything to do with Christianity, being a batchelor, or is he on the pull? Did you know that the 1st of these Power Preachers, was actually someone from South Wales in the early 1800's? Because of one of the locals, we wouldn't have had the Blues Brothers. There again, we wouldn't have had Blue Brothers 2000 either, so I don't know if that's a plus or a minus really. One such preacher was Christian Evans from Llandyssul. Do I really need to know this, and secondly why the fuck do I know this?

Also, why don't we get Christian Ninjas? That would kick ass. I've found this , which has terrorists dressed as ninjas attacking Christians. Not quite the same. Fun though :)

Religion is a big dull subject, and around Christmas Christianity takes the limelight mainly because of the birth of Christ, and not the day Santa visits your chimney (euthanism for waste pipe, shitter) and deposits his "load" of presents. Or if you're unlucky, Frank the local paedo taking advantage of your innocence while wearing a Santa's costume.


Christmas, sponsored by the Matrix

Best thing about Christmas, is watching Jason and the Argonauts again. Every fecking year. Tis a good film though :)

1 Comments:

Blogger Beerli said...

Jolly good read, old chap. Thoroughly enjoyed it. Merry Christmas to you and yours.

2:45 PM  

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