Friday, December 17, 2004

Some Disturbing People Out There, And In Here

Before anything, check this out;

Special TV

Homemade comedy channel; daft, but they try.

Back in work for the evening shift again, and am wondering where the more loonies are; the other side of the telephones, or on our side? After personal experience, I'd have to say both. True, there are some fucking loony-tunes who ring up our building, from people who've dropped their own phone screaming "Fuck me, my sausages are burning!" to people actually demanding a fucking computer to go with the internet which we provide. But there again, in this workplace, the best way to survive is to be a bit of a loony-tune yourself. To a certain degree. If you take things seriously in here, you may as well be down the job club next week licking stamps and posting letters. A friend once described this job as "the blind leading the retarded", and he was spot on. I've never had the pleasure of working somewhere where doing your job can get into almost as much trouble as not doing it, not until I started here.

Well, in fairness it wasn't always like this. As an example, I'm one of the rare members of staff here who've been employed and doing this job for more than 4 years. Out of about 400-500 staff, I'd say that there are about 40-50 who have worked here for that period of time. From then I've seen our customers change from 100,000 people who know what the internet and computing is, to 1.5 million customer who barely know what a fucking toaster is, let alone a Windows operating system. We had calls from University Professors asking us what DNS we'd need to specify, and would actually have challenging things to do here. The only challenge now is not to get caught smiling, as it is a Nazi offence.

Plus this computer that I've logged into tonight has the drunken-mouse drivers installed too. Move the mouse up, and it goes 2mm's up and 4 metres to the right.


Anyroads....what's been happening then? Um...oh yeah, that was the other thing. Swansea.

Swansea Sucks!!!!

The beloved city of Swansea (even though all of it's residents call it a town) has been away from the limelight for too long. It has been pushed to the side and has shamefully been ignored for other places like Cardiff and Mid-Wales (they filmed parts of Tomb Raider 2 in Mid-Wales, although to be honest they shouldn't have bothered). Obviously, we've had some fame recently appear from our midst's, the most recent being Catherine Zeta Jones. Even if she is one step away from necrophilia, she's certainly put Swansea into the limelight a bit. We also have the amazing success of the film Twin Town which was quite well received, and almost up there with the classic Trainspotting , which was out a year earlier. Twin Town, just in case you aint ever heard of it at all, was based entirely in Swansea, and was about the Lewis twins causing havoc among the locals. Parts of the film still make me laugh, and it's over 7 years since it hit the big screens. Apart from having been in almost every location, and recognising certain peeps in it too.

A new edition to the Swansea TV family is Mine All Mine starring Griff Rhys Jones. A comedy drama about Max Vivaldi, local skin-flint con-man who inherits the entirety of Swansea and starts running it his way. Is not that bad actually, had some funny moments on it. It's missing a couple of bits from it however, for example the tramps who take their regular toilet break outside the train station.

Just tried something out on IMDB, try searching on your own name on the site. I found this. Christ, I haven't seen Lifeforce for yonks either, although it was a bit fecking shite to be honest, it did have a high baps out count, which made it watchable.

Blimey, had time to catch-up on my other hobbie today, which is wasting time by any means neccesary. I normally do this via 1 of 4 options; Gamecube, PS2, Xbox or PC. I did a mix of the two today, playing Smackdown vs Raw, then an hour stint on Planetside on the PC (which rocks). I did do something funny the other month though, to do with the Gamecube;

With Nintendo's official products, they ask you to register on a VIP website (I think the url is which by all accounts give you prizes back for spending so much with them. Considering that you get 250 bonus points with them per game, I got roughly 8100 points registered lol. The funny thing I did was to do with their forums, maintained to allow kids to post anything "cool and funky" which comes up Nintendo related. I thought I'd check these forums out of sheer boredom, and came across an article relating to motion sickness. Basically a few kids had tried playing Metroid Prime, and after about half an hour they had all had to quit with complaints of being dizzy or ill. So they posed the question "Anybody know any ways around this?". Jeccius steps to the podium, cape blowing heroicly in the wind, ready for the windup oppertunity.

"Well, I've been doing some digging around the internet on this, as a few of my friends suffered from it when playing Quake. And what I've found out, is that it's to do with the way in which your brain interprets all the information being displayed in front of you. Your brain can't cope with this level of information, and causes the side-effects of dizzyness and nausea. A similar thing occurs to people who suffer from epilepsy, where the information being sent to the brain is too much to cope with. Obviously, with epilepsy the sufferer takes medication to deal with the attacks, but some cheat by wearing an eye-patch to limit the amount of information being sent to the brain. This eases the strain and makes it easier for them to do everyday tasks. As both are closely linked, I wouldn't recommend taking medication, but the eye-patch trick might work?"

The amount of people posting "I'll try that now, cheers matey" was comical, so much so that I had to go onto that forum the next day, to see the results. Funnily enough, about 8 of them had tried it, and all posted stuff like "That didn't work at all, tried it for an hour and felt awful" etc etc. After laughing at all the replies, I decided to post "Did it work? No? You dullards!!! lmao" and never set foot into their forum again.

Yearrr, get ye Metroid on ye sick seadog, yearrr!!

Thursday, December 16, 2004

Xmas Almost Here

Check this out;

B3ta Question of the Week

Some classic responces already on this; was only posted this afternoon :D

Today has been a nightmare; I've worked this morning, finished at 12.15, been in "the mall" for 3 hours, spent triple figures on Xmas prezzies; got home with them, hid the lot then went straight to work.

I'm tired and highly irritable.

Basically, due to my split shift rota, I've got 4 hours off a day, then am back in later in the day. This works out that I'm in twice a day all week except for 1 random shift and saturday afternoon. I get sundays off as part of the setup. Only probs being that I am in all of next week, except for saturday and sunday. Meaning that I'm in until this saturday morning, having saturday night and sunday off, then I'm in right up until Xmas bloody Eve. 2 fecking days off and I'm back in on the monday... am not happy. What's doubly more fecking annoying is that I've recently been suffering from Dermetographic Urticaria - an allergic reaction to an unknown substance, which makes your body produce hell of alot more Hystamene than it's meant to, and sometimes develop into "hives". Hives are thick white lines that appear if the skin has been scratched or protruded by any implement. Quick translation equals if you scratch my arm, a thick white line of Hystmene will build up under the scratch and will cause a white lump to appear. Which burns like hell. I'm on anti-hystemenes which are stemming it, but only marginally. The doctor, although he'd never personally seen it before, did find it in a book and identify the allergic reaction. One funny thing did happen though; the Doc got me to lower the shirt on my arm, and scraped his pen with a cross shape on my upper arm. After a minute, it turned red-raw and became very itchy. So, we sat down for 5 minutes talking about it, and another Doc walked in asking for advice. My Doc turns arounds, says "Forget about that, have a look at this!" and yanks my shirt down to the other Doc, to reveal that I've got a white unholy cross growing out of my arm. The look on this new Doc's face was a picture, and probably didn't help that I turned to him at that point and say "Behelzebub lives in all of us" in a real deep voice, while glazing my eyes over. It was only when my Doc started laughing that the other let out his breath though, I swear to god lol.

I swear to god this isn't me, but someone I found on t'internet

The reason why I'm telling you all this is not because I'm after sympathy in any way, no sir...... it's just that it makes me highly strung! And in my job, patience is not just a virtue, it's a way of life! I've explained to my management that I'm not 100%, but because my holidays have been used (getting married, couldn't really do that in work) I've got to work all the way through it. This means that in my job I get to speak to all the annoyed peeps who can't get they're computers or internet working before Xmas, but more often or not it's something completely different. It basically fucking infuriates me as to how some people can consider buying a lavish internet connection, when they can't operate a fucking microwave, let alone Windows. Recently our beloved Sales Department have run out of likely candidates to sell the internet to, so they've targeted alot of OAP's. We regularly get calls from grannies trying to e-mail the rest of the family, who've moved to somewhere abroad, eg Austrailia. Now no offence, but why did the rest of the family flee the country, and you ended up staying in the U.K. ? I'll give you a clue; they don't want you there for Xmas my dear, let alone the rest of the year. The last thing they want is you nagging them all the time, and the Internet is the perfect medium for you to be spamming le fuck out of your Daughter-in-Law with tips on cooking. I bet she'll fucking adore you for that love. Now take a hint, stick to the once-a-six-month letter and stop fucking ringing us!

Funniest call though, was someone ringing up the Dialup Support Line and asking if she could have the Tyson fight on. Wouldn't have been as funny if it wasn't for the fact that she sounded 90. Images of a granny bouncing up and down on a sofa screaming "Kill him!!!!! Kill hiiiiimmmm" at the TV often cheer me up in moments of despair.

The World is Starting to Watch....

Blimey. After making that last post regarding the Ugly Dogs and Stupid Blogs I have come to realise that I am not alone in the Land of Jeccius. After myself discovering the joys of random Blogging, other users have been doing so for some time, in fact well before I started this site for starters. In fact, I have been contacted by two of these Blogger Hoppers, both were yesterday as well. Firstly, big mention to Alexa whom runs a website called which run a Blog Carnival, where everyone with they're own Blogs can meet up and share links. Quite a good idea, cuts out the randomness of Blogs and cuts to the best available (or found so far). Cheers for ze e-mail and the link honey!

Also Beerli, what's your Blog? I'll link it as well for good luck :)

Also, I found a webcam in a cat;

And I also found this, which just goes to show that the Google Image search is awesome :D

Literally went to Image Search and typed in "cockeyed". I love the internet I do :D

I also found this quite by accident; The Hamstery. How scary is this site?

In other news, David Blunkett was forced to resign from the position of Home Secretary due to his dealings with the mother of his child. Tony Blair asked for security to show him the door, which is apparently what he says to them every time Blunkett visits No. 10. Blind git lol.

Oh my GOD!!!!! Look what I just found;

Worst idea on November 5th - This is shocking! What a fucking loon.

Tuesday, December 14, 2004

Ugly Dogs And Stupid Blogs

Had to post this for the sheer hell of it

What a gurner on that dog, imagine that in Crufts. He looks like the plant out of "Little Shop Of Horrors". Ugly bastard.

Oh my god. Have you tried the option on the top-right hand corner of this webpage, called "Next Blog"? If you haven't before, click the button and stand back a bit at some of the other nuts.

Here's a few I've found so far; - ugh? - nung? - Ugliest kid award here, but definate MILFage at the same time. - Bridget Jones. Fuck off.

There was hell of alot of other posts in Arabic, which funnily enough didn't mean feck all to me, except that it looked like an imported bottle of Coca Cola label. Some disgrunted peeps out there though....ooooooohhhhh. There are also some complete arseholes too, which gives me something to do in work for the next few hours (as I insult them lol).

Edit - just been sent a link from Alexa, admin of the website. Apparently they setup a Blogger carnival where all Bloggers meet up and show off the goods. Many thanks for the link.

Monday, December 13, 2004

Rough Staff Do and Other Odd Stories

Hurrah! "Invented roughly 8 years ago, the tradition of Xmas Staff Do's is one which is held with pride and no prejudice across Britain, where sad lonely workers attempt to mate to the Office Tart. Sometimes stationery is involved." - says Tom Baker (probably).

Yes, that's right, I'm fresh off the Xmas Staff Do bandwagon along with 18 others from our team of Tech Support agents in Swansea, and boy was it rough. Well, let me re-phrase that. Alot of the night was a real good laugh (which I'll go into detail shortly), but the night did end with two of our resident over-fourty nice guys getting physically assualted by two thugs in a taxi queue, for no reason whatsoever. Not going into detail with this, but they are two guys who basically don't do any harm to anyone, and didn't deserve it in the slightest. Even if one of them annoyed us with this two-cork trick, which by far works best when shown to drunks. Both were taken to hospital; one of them had a nasty cut on the back of his head, most probs needing stitches to the back of his head, other had a cut on his forehead. Otherwise the only other thing that was hurt was the night out, which before this was a good night.

The basic formula for a typical office staff do in our company is to get groups of 12-15 peeps and stuff them into a resteraunt. Once they have dined, pick volunteers from this group and pour the leftovers into a club nearby, shake one, add some tablespoons of tequila and someone making a pillock, then kebabs and bus fare home for all. We had a formula-following xmas this year, which against my better judgement went quite well. If only for the drink. The resteraunt of choice this year was a small Italian's called "Gillini's", which apart from the meun, which was all italian food, was complete run by chinese people. And to be honest, I literally just realised this fact as well lol! I just mentioned it to one of the managers who was there, and he didn't realise either. In terms of food, I've fallen to the phrase "This is stunning, in small amounts". I literally had a small part of sirloin steak, covered in pepper sauce. On the plate accompanying it was a tiny finely cut carrot, and some cress. That was it. I got some bread, and mopped up the pepper sauce out of sheer desperation at one point. £13 for that. Honestly, I could've cooked a 16 oz steak for less than that, and it would've been nicer. But work did pay for it, so their loss heh heh heh.

During our last supper, our manager Anthony rushed to the toilet after spilling tomato sauce over his white shirt. This sparked off a very bizarre event, which was also immensely funny. To call the Men's toilet small was to say that Space is "possibly a bit big" ie it was a cupboard with a lav in the corner. Right in front of this lav was a sink facing to the right, with a mirror. Opposite the mirror was the door. Hopefully you've got this idea in your head of how compact all of this is. Anthony huddles himself by the sink, and is wiping the sauce off his skirt, um shirt rather frantically before it stains. As he's doing this, one of our resident nutters named Bibby walks in, squeezes past Anthony, and quite scarily drops his kegs and starts taking a dump right next to our boss. Cue akward silence, as Anthony is now terrified and scrubbing his shirt for his life, while Bibby is depositing ploppy goodness for gold. What's worse is that once done, Anthony walked out, and left the double doors to the toilet open for a split second, where half of the people eating could quite happily see a Bibby releiving the strain of a bum torpedo.

Other than that, I had to leave early to meet up with me mate Jason (new dad, see prev post) and didn't see anyone until 12.20am where the two lads were assaulted. Shame that it ended on that note, because the night will now primarily be remembered for that incident only.

So, that was saturday, but there's more???? (You almost care).

Reading the News of the World yesterday, and more importantly the Sunday Magazine. Fuck me did I have a shock. About 15 years ago I went to Penlan Comprehensive School for Boys for 5 years, and endured alot of shit there which I won't forget. Some of it was great, but there was alot of bullying etc, which took me a few years to learn to deal with it. Some others weren't as lucky, and were constantly bullied/tormented. One of these was an odd looking bloke called Lee Dark. He used to live about 5 minutes away from my house, and about a year ago me and me dad drove past him and even my father said "Who's that oddbob?". Well it turns out that Lee's been in some huge confusion for pretty much the entirety of his life, and may explain a few things to us to.....

Lee was a girl, and didn't know it!!!!!!

She went through our school and was bullied to hell, went through life as a bloke and never knew until a few months ago. Holy feck!!!!!

First thing I done, I texted about 8 people who was in school with her and all I got was "Holy shit!!!", "Bloody hell!", and the best which was "Fuck me. Oddball country or what?".

I'm not making this up, this is a genuine article that was in this week's Sunday mag. We're all a bit stunned. She's a fecking minger though, I wouldn't. She'd had to have been ugly, to be considered as a bloke for 27 years lmao!


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