Saturday, January 01, 2005

Happy New Year!

Apart from Blogger still dropping my links etc, Happy New Year! Blimey, 2004 is gone, which still doesn't make sense. Was gone before we realised it was there. It definately does not feel like 2005 though, even though it is obviously.

So to celebrate this momentious occasion, I'm celebrating with a packet of Roast Chicken crisps (Walkers mind, none of that cheap tat) and a bottle of Oasis Citrus Punch. Needs a tad bit of vodka to be honest, but oh well.

Yey.....sitting in work. Two people have taken a call out of twenty so far. We've been open an hour lol. I'm on the backside of an odd work rota issue which occured to me yesterday, which was primarily a cock-up by my management, trying to offer me something I couldn't work, then half-way through it saying that I was to come in later, and work the time that I was actually working at that point. Again. Funnily enough that didn't happen after I went on a swearing fit. I'm waiting on a future conversation with me manager on that one (should be fun). This is the kind of shit we all need on New Years Eve, just to put the last year into perspective. Twunts.

Well, what did I do on New Years Eve then? I went down the local with me wife and some friends. We drank, laughed at bad kareoke and lost money on a fruit machine until midnight, where everyone went outside into the middle of a road for the midnight chimes. Was a bit of a laff at some points, but how bad is this? One of the guys who was drinking with us was there with his Thailand wife. A random drunk walks up to us, points at the Thai girl and pronouces "Didn't you all drown the other day?", then stumbles off into the corner. Awkard expressions all around.

Still though, we're actually starting to take calls now.......... haven't people heard of hangovers? Why can't they leave us, or even better, send us Anadin?

To reduce my boredom, I've drawn a picture of a hamster, in a spacesuit.

Am still bored though. God damn. So, to cheer me up, I'm looking up Hamster on image-search in Google. I've found this, this and this (what the fuck is the last one???) so far. Yey.

Thursday, December 30, 2004

Tis New Years Eve......

......and let's hope the death toll is a bit lower in 2005. Was looking at a few headlines over the last year, and I didn't realise how crap 2004 was. We had the Russian School siege, where over 200 died. The Iraq 2nd Gulf war (which has gone into extra time), loads of casualties there and still rising. Plus we've had lots of hurricanes, and of course the Tsunami in the last week, where the death toll is officially over 125,000. Oh, and I also got married lol. Crap year or what?

So, I'm in work on the last day of the year, and the only danger I got is from a heart-attack due to sitting near a vending machine for the last 4 years. Works sucks, but so does your mother.

Tis hard to think of anything that really stands out this year (except for the wedding, just in case the wife see's this :D) which has made this year actually happen. Apart from the disasters and Big Brother 5, nout much else has happened. Wasn't Big Brother 5 absolutely awful? Even if they finally did what the public wanted, and have a punch-up. Instead of sending in security, they should have sent in a few weapons, just to make the place kick off a bit more. At least it would've been less things for The Sun to print off (page-filling stories on people trying to be famous). Now and OK magazine would've had to have gotten photos of people who have earned they're position of fame, rather than photos of pillocks who entered a popularity contest. I mean, they've had alot of photos of Nadia. Who the fuck wants to know about him / her / it / barbie / ken / whatever?

Yey, got a right muppet on the phone at the mo, talking about trying to get registered. There are a few different classes of person with which we speak to on a daily basis in this job.

1. The Knowledgable Person; may or may not be with attitude, but will ring through specifically for certain information. Will fall into 2 sub-catergories; the first will be someone who will listen to any information provided, even if it contradicts what they initially thought. These tend to be the most pleasent of people. The second, is much worse and far more difficult to deal with. The knowledge for which they possess, is wrong. To try and convice them otherwise, is a tactical battle of wits, which I can't be fucked with. At the end of the day, they rang in for help, not to educate us on our job. Did they call in to get things fixed, or to tell us how to do it? Either way, these tend to be the longest and most stress converting.

2. The Un-Knowledgable Person; someone who thought the Internet would be a laugh, and has very little or no experience whatsoever with computers, or the Internet. Again, two different catergories; the first being pleasent and eager to listen to get the problems solved, and get up and running. The second, really cannot be arsed to listen, and breaks into comments like "I never wouldv'e bought this if I'd knew it would be this hard...", "I'm going from pillar to post" and the all time classic (which will be on my gravestone) "I'm paying for a service I'm not getting here....". As soon as one of these three phrases are uttered, I sigh and open up, and hope it's got something new on it.

3. The Wrong Number; someone who has come through to the Internet Department, who does not need to speak to us, but another section of the company. Now it can either go like "I'll get you passed straight over", or I've got to listen to someone go on for five minutes without breathing while they explain the ENTIRE FUCKING PROBLEM, only for me to say "Sorry, wrong number" with much hilarity.

4. The Cheeky Bastard from A.N.Other Company; someone who is a customer from another Internet Provider for example, who has decided to ring our company in the hope that we can give e-mail details, or connection details, for another company. Much joy is had when saying "No, try ringing them FFS".

5. The Bomb Scare; someone who rings in, leaves a hollow threat that there's a bomb in our building, then we stand out in the car park for two hours while the Police and Bomb Disposal search our premesis. Great fun :D

Plus, there's the genuine thick, foreigners who can't speak or understand Engrish, and the prank phone calls too which we contend with. I need a new job.

World Of Pain.....Fookin Hell!!!!

Nice.....was bought a Freeview Box as one of me Christmas presents this time around, mainly because we can't have Digital in our flat (bloody landlords). We've started browsing the dodgy channels, to see what we can find. At 11pm every week night, a channel called "FTN" air a programme called "World Of Pain" (click here). There are some poor fucks out there, who survive the stupidest of things. One coloured bloke lost half his skull (and brain), and was walking around with the top right of his skull (and his brain) missing. I wish I could find a picture of it, it was horrific, but highly amusing. Lost a fight to a bullet apparently. His head resembled a half-deflated football, where his scalp was inverted to protect the other side of his brain. His mother was a nutter too. She was laughing at the guy's brother, who threw him a pair of socks, and he caught them in his skull. Fucking loons. The docs had to silicon implant the gap in his skull, making it legal for us to call him a tit-head. Also had some plonker trying to break the land-speed record with a bike. And not the motor variety either, cycling v v fast down the side of a volcano. Only prob was, at the 170mph mark, his bike hit a very slight change of downhill angle, and the difference in force was enough for the bike to break in half. Split second moment of only holding onto a steering wheel before realising that this "may hurt". He rolled for about a mile lol. After he left the hospital, the first thing he done was get the bits of the bike together and try to work out why it smashed. Because you're a bit of a twat, that's why. Take up knitting or something.

I saw another real nasty one involving a guy on a BMX, where the guy goes over a jump, slightly falls and slides across the floor. He stops himself from getting hurt by putting his right hand on the floor, to steady himself. Only prob being, he suddenly stops, looks at his hand, and there's the splinter from hell sticking through both sides of his hand. This thing is about 5 inches long, and at least a centemetre thick, and is not straight through either, it travels diagonally through, just missing his wrist. His hand looked like cheese and pineapple on a cocktail stick. Ouch.

Added new links at the bottom of the page; new flash fruit machine game (start by clicking the coin slot) on me webspace, and another thing called "The Return of Tard-Blog". Now this is a bit of magic. Apparently this is all meant to be true, which makes it even funnier. It's an online diary of the funniest things that happen in a disabled children's classroom, from the viewpoint of the teacher. Damn funny, also includes the archive for the original teacher who started the blog (a Miss Rita Sped), which are incredibly funny. Also was given another link by the team, known as Any definitions available, from chavs to nicknames to people we work with (for example, search on Bibby). Very funny site.

Some peeps will do anything for kicks. Bungie jumping, eating tacos, drugs, skateboarding, playing football against Man Utd (fouling twats), anything.

Also, I love , as it decided to lose half of my website template, and I've had to re-design the basic site, losing half of me links. Great. So if I've lost your link, it's not because I hate you, it's because I've basically lost it and can't remember it (because you weren't important lol). Please post your link on the end of this article if you want a link. Unless your site is crud, in which case you can whistle dixie.

Why Blogger, why?

Wednesday, December 29, 2004

A Few Days After Christmas...

.....and all's odd. There's this serious business with the tsunami over in the China region, where thousands upon thousands of locals and tourists were killed by the tidal waves caused by the natural disaster. It's been in the news, been in all the papers, you see it mentioned on everything. Yet.......Sian on our team in work still aint heard about it. "Uh?" was her responce. Twange. What, you spend Christmas in a cupboard?

Also, I've not drunk almost near as much as I do every year, and feel worse lol. I actually feel really rough at the moment, and can't stop farting - me and one of the guys are having a bottom-burp contest at present. I'm winning :D

Did hear a funny story of the female members of our team in work, got home one night, and walked in to find her boyfriend having it away with Sister Palm while watching porn on the telly. Now instead of announcing something like "What on earth are you doing?" and just embarrasing him into stopping the filthy deed, she stood there for ten minutes in the background with a total look of shock on her face. After he finished, she announced her presence, and now funnily enough the housework seems to be done for her all the time etc. One thing you shouldn't really do though, is tell the team the next day, as we will take the piss. Classic :D

New Year's Eve is on the way; apparently me sister and her boyfriend are staying over too, which doesn't help me as I'm in work at 8.30am on the saturday. Thankyou work, thanks for everything. I'll have two days off for Christmas, and then work New Year's Eve until 6.30ish, then back in work the next morning. One word from management saying anything negative and I'll chin them, the part time hypocritical bastards.

There wasn't much on the telly in terms of Christmas stuff; most of it was utter crap. The only things keeping it afloat was Little Britain and the news. Practically everything else was dire; I resorted to watching "You've Been Framed" for a bit for fuck's sake. There was one good bit of telly on though, which was a one-off-made-for-ITV movie called "Christmas Lights", starring Robson Green. About two feuding brothers who fall out because one's been promoted above the other. They end up trying to do things better and better than each other, until each other's house looks like Poundstretcher puked on them. Was a funny film, you're typical everthing-works-out-fine-because-it's-christmas type, but still watchable.

Still in work. Bored.

Business is starting to return to normal with us; we're getting people ringing up demanding anything upto the Holy Grail. I keep telling them we're all Jewish and the Grail doesn't exist, but they won't listen. Jews are amazing, either brilliant accountants, or good at manual labour. Ho hum.


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