Friday, January 14, 2005

2nd day into the time off....

.....and the latest that I've woken up is 8.10am. God damn. Yesterday morning I was rudely awakened by the wife because she couldn't start the car to get to work. Obviously putting the key in the ignition was too fecking hard for a woman. Next up they'll be saying they can parallel park, those crazy women.

Last night, I was trying to get to sleep (after coming back from the pub) and the wife got to sleep first. I can't be doing it right then lol. Other than that, I was trying to get to sleep myself, and suddenly in her sleep Adele mumbled "And I've got the tortoise in the other hand". WHAT? Christ, I dredd to think what's in her first hand, if the other's holding a tortoise. Possibly an Otter, or a squirrel even (avoiding the beaver joke, tis my wife I'm typing about here, gotta have some standards). Maybe tortoise is a buzz word for something else even. Oh god.

My wife has a history of yapping in her sleep, which does lead to some amusement. Especially when she's having a full scale argument too (which is great, as I'm not normally involved in these and can just sit back and laugh at her go off on one at nobody). She doesn't sleep-talk as often as she used to though, which is probably just as well.

There again, about a fortnight ago we were asleep, and at roughly 2am I had a nightmare. I was being assaulted by a few burley blokes, and I didn't take too kindly to one of them. In the dream, one of them jumped at me and I gripped him by the throat with my left hand. I suddenly woke up and I'd actually did the same thing to my wife, which scared the shite out of me. She was just awake, looking at me (she realised that I was still asleep when I started doing this thank god, didn't fancy being one of these reject families on Tricia).

Anyhows, 2nd day into my week off, and I'm off into the City Centre to kill off some time me thinks. It's friday morning, my wife didn't need any assistance to start the car, so I think I'll walk it. It's only about two miles from my flat, it's not raining, it's all downhill and I need the exercise so that is what I'll do. Avoid anyone selling the Big Issue etc. Also...there's a place down there where I used to work a few years back, where after four years of employment I was dismissed due to still-undefined-reasons. This place has apparently closed down in the Swansea area. I'm not 100% certain, but theyhaven't been open since at least last saturday. This is just a personal opinion, but.....

PLEASE SAY THEY'VE GONE BANKRUPT, THE SHOWER OF BASTARDS!!!!!

I'm not mentioning the companies name whatsoever, not after companies have started taking blogs seriously (see previous article with the BBC Blog link). This is my personal opinion, and that's that, nothing more. As I've already said, I'm still not 100% certain, but they have definately been closed down over the last week anyroads. I wish I'd gone to the last day it was open though..."Need any help?"...."Nah, just browsing hah ha!" then walk out :D

Has anyone else had any bad experiences with old jobs in the past? Other than myself, and David Blunkett? Stick a comment down if you have, I could do with a laugh :D

Me old work wasn't all that bad though; we all knew how to have a laugh for example. If you take work too seriously all the time, unless you're in the emergency services, you will do yourself an injury. We've seen and done some real funny things though, for example;

One day, the Queen and Phillip were attending Swansea as part of a National tour. The train station was very close-by, and the Queen 'n' Phil jump into their parade car and set off into town, straight past our work. So we go outside, as it's not every day that you see the Queen go past. We're standing there waving, and Phil see's us and waves back, while the Queen has got a look of shock about her as she is soaking in the tramp-piss tainted surroundings. She must've been thinking "I can't own all this, surely? I'll bring some maids with mops next time".

There's one part of Swansea where a few tramps tend to hang out the most, which is up on a road called High Street. Now up there, we've seen the tramps perform many strange and comical tasks, all while getting smashed on bottles of White Lightning cider.


Ah, the amber of the Tramps

White Lightning, or "Wy Li-nin" as the tramps call it, bless them. There's a few types of tramp by us in Swansea. Some of them are aware of the trouble they're in and are trying to do something positive to help themselves (Big Issue sellers etc). Some just drink the Lightning and piss on the centre of a road junction instead. The worst thing I've ever seen, was a tramp go upto the corner of a road junction opposite the train station, and as cars drove past just squatting down by a bush AND HAD A SHIT, much to the delight of all the passers by. Or was that disgust? Hmmm....who knows....

One particular tramp was actually half-reformed, and did odd-jobs for a local cafe, by getting him to do shopping for the cafe every saturday morning. They'd send him down to Iceland, and he'd come back up High Street pushing a trolley pull of bread etc. Now when I say come back up High Street, I mean come back up THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET, not the bloody pavement. He used to walk with cars swerving to avoid a tramp pushing a trolley in the middle of the bloody road, and then he'd walk out into a busy car junction by the train station even if cars were coming at him, and continue to suicide charge at them. Somehow he was never killed.

Tramps locally have provided many hours of entertainment for us, just by the actions some of them do. We've got the famous Dancing Tramp (tm) which appeared in the film Twin Town. Basically he's a tramp who stands outside nightclubs, dances, then tries to get in the club where the doormen just tell him to feck off. Then he goes to the next one and tries again. He's great.

One of them tried to assault me by a bus stop once in the city centre, which didn't work for the tramp in the slightest bless. I was waiting for a bus (as you do at a bus stop, you know, not waiting for a train, that would be daft) minding my own business, and a tramp walked up to me and booted my bag, while fffing and blinding at me. I would've screamed in her face if I could tell where it was, the bin-linered mollusc. Urrrggggh.

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