Tuesday, January 04, 2005

The Aftermath Of My Living Room

Working on a split shift rota (going to work twice a day for the numpties who don't understand) normally means that you want to rest, or do what is needed within the few hours gap, before heading back to work. At least it normally does for me anyway. But not yesterday, oh no. I had to make a side journey on the way home first, upto my parents house a few miles in the opposite direction. Had to pick up some boxes so I could load up me car with expired Christmas decorations. We do this because I live in a flat, and we have not got any room to store anything in our current accomidation, and most stuff gets dumped in the spare room at my parents house god bless them. This wasn't the bad bit.

The bad bit wasn't also being stuck in traffic from my parents house to my own either, was slow going, but no real problems as such (even if most drivers in Swansea are absolute arseholes).

The bad bit was getting home and finding that my living room looked like Thailand (that's not an insult by the way to the tsunami victims, that's just an analogy). I video'd it and put the link on yesterday's post, but here's the link again (you will need something like Real Media Player, or whatever, I don't know, to view it). Excuse the commentry :D

I got to my flat front door, and while carrying two boxes, managed to unlock it and stumble into my flat. I can't really see the horror that's awaiting me as I've got 2 bloody boxes in me hand, and am just stumbling upto the kitchen unit to disperse these. I kick the door closed behind me, put the boxes down and then see it. The entire unit has been emptied onto the floor and surrounding bits of furniture, in no particular order, and the unit is just sitting there empty, and looking guilty. No sign of the wife by the way either, she's nowhere to be found in the flat whatsoever. So I'm thinking two things; either I've been burgled, or the missus is a psycho when she starts cleaning. After a few minutes, I remembered that she said she was going to clean the unit, so I don't bother ringing the Police. Instead, I put my bag down on the floor on the edge of the living room abyss, and thought "I need to lay down for a bit". So I walk into the bedroom. To find the bed stripped, and a matress looking at me, almost saying Don't touch me, I'm all naked!!!! I can't even lay down in my own flat, this is not fun anymore. I figure that the wife's gotta be around here somewhere (as in she wouldn't strip the place and leggit without her handbag which was still in the kitchen). The only other place she could be is in the upstairs flat, which is where her parents live. Now Adele's parents are actually most probably the best Mom and Dad in Law's I could've asked for. Anything we need, or willing to help with and they make the maximum of effort for us. They are not intrusive either, and a good laugh too. How'd I manage that one? I hope they don't read this, they'll kick my ass :p

So I go upstairs, and there's everyone yapping away, and Adele's sitting there all happy. Gina, Adele's mom, asks me what I think of downstairs. Without saying a word, I pull out my mobile and play what I just recorded from the living room.

Two minutes later Adele was excused from her parents flat and was back downstairs with me tidying up the damn mess. By the time we finished though, it was 3.25pm, and I left to go back to work. I'm the walking dead at the moment.

Also (yes, there's more), my cooker decided to break down. Not in the conventinal way though, oh no, that would be too easy, by far. Oh no, what this fecker decided to do was to break so that it wouldn't turn off. The knob on the front of it with the oven controls, decided to snap a while back, and even though it was hanging off, we could still turn the oven on and off. The off switch inside the dial snapped by the looks of it, and we were cooking up until close to midnight. I had to climb under a cupboard to unplug the bastard. Not the kind of yoga I was planning to do at night really.

So....my day today is calling the landlord after work to find out if they can fix the cooker. And that's after visiting the dentist. Which I can never get out of, as me wife is a Dental Receptionist by trade. Yey, teeth to be drilled out then as a gumby ring up the landlord and trying to get the cooker done without dribbling too much. And then back in work. Life is great.

I'm real tired right now. My chest feels aching, and I can't be fecked to drink Red Bull. Sleep would be great right now, but when you're in work some people may take offence. I almost had a car accident on the way to work. Some guy walked out in front of my car as I was driving. I slammed on, wound down the window and shouted "What are you, blind?" He walked out past the front of my car and as it was, he was blind, he had the white stick and everything I swear to god. As soon as he got out of the way I drove and shrank into my car seat, hoping to be eaten by the world. Laughing like feck at it now though :D

Random Funny Pic of the Day

So reincarnation is possible....

Also, check this out - Can you spare a few coins for a poor squirrel?

And, this poor girl's blog - Why-can't-I-have-fun?


Blogger Ifiril said...

Thanks man, you managed to get a few laughs out of me, especially with that bit about the blind guy. Good luck at the dentist!

4:00 AM  
Blogger John Coghlan said...

That's ok, hope it perked you up :D

May I ask, why have you not said anything to him about the way he's treated you? Change his homepage to the blog, and leave him find out himself is most probs the best (PS edit ALOT of the blog first though, I don't think he'll like being called a fat ass)

4:09 AM  

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