Saturday, January 08, 2005

Tis A Week Into 2005.....

....that means there's only 51 left. That was quick.

Started using Blogexplosion properly yesterday (check out the link at the bottom of the page if you have a blog yourself and want to promote it free of charge). The basic concept is that if you browse other people's blogs through them, they promote yours more. Not a bad idea actually, considering that there are thousands upon thousands registered on there. Amazing.

What I have noticed though is that there's alot of blogs about religion. Sod going out and spreading the word, we'll leave that to the blogger to discover us. That's just lazy. Ain't religion all about going out and forcing your opinions upon someone who cannot believe in his/herself but can in an imaginary 3rd party e.g. a deity? Oops, said too much. Ok, I'm only joking about that, honest guv :)

Going back to the point, people are blogging about any old crap. I mean look at this blog. I've been using this like a personal diary for the last few weeks, and it really does put my life into some kind of perspective (as in I've seen some funny shit). I lived in what is considered locally as a rough area for about 10 years (for the locals, a place called Blaen-y-maes in Swansea, look it up). Thankfully I lived in a quiet part of it, and my parents were not pure scum which helped. Alot of the neighbours were nice, even if my old next-door-neighbour's son was a convicted murderer (I kid you not, was involved with the Danny Dyke murder in the 80's). The primary school I went to was an oasis in a desert so to speak. The trouble was only outside there. I was once mugged by two kids for £5, which resulted in my dad tracking down the kid (who lived about ten houses down from me) and watch his dad batter the fiver back to us. I've seen joyriders crash cars (I've actually seen three of these to date), a drunk driver plough into a wall, put out a fire in a flat using two litre water bottles dropped down by a tennant, been electrocuted on a farmers fence and had barbed wire wrapped around my neck. Nothing else immediately springs to mind though lol.

After all that, I moved to Penlan and lived there for 13 years (unlucky for some). Penlan is a more widespread version of Blaen-y-Maes, and somehow we found another quiet corner which was exempt from alot of the trouble. Not all of it though. We've caught people in our garden at 2am, had a burnt out car behind our house every other night for two months, until the local council decided to build concrete bollards to prevent the joyriders from getting there. Admittedly, owning a 10 stone Labrador-Rotweiller helped though, which made most people think twice about trying to break in. Me dad owned a completely crap and rather embarrasing car too (which he's sold now and got a Peugot thank god!) , which was a luminous orange/red FSO, which was a shed with wheels. Me dad described it's colour as using anti-theft technology to a neighbour once. Still, someone tried to nick it. People will nick anything for no reason whatsoever.

Imagine this in luminous red/orange, would you nick it?

One day in Penlan, was on the way to a night out and waiting at a bust stop with one of my friends Blonde Jonny. A small white transit van broke down across the road from us (it sounded like a burst tyre), and five kids got out and legged it in all directions. Me and Jonny looked at the van for about a minute, and we both decided to ring it in. As we were about to leave the bus stop though, the kids come back, changed the fecking tyre and carried on joyriding! We couldn't beleive it, the cheeky bastards. Then a few weeks later, after being on the town and getting out of a taxi at 2am, I was walking past the Penlan Social Club and heard a car screeching and revving towards me, from my right. I glance around and see a car speeding towards a roundabout, but way too fast for it to be controlled. The car subsequently went onto the pavement and ploughed into a lamp post across the road from me. Five chavs hop out of the car and leggit in every direction. Tis barmey, and no mistake. I was expecting Starsky and Hutch to be chasing them, but to be honest, I was halfcut legless, Mr Magoo on a horse wouldn't have surprised me.

Aye, seen some mad things up there, even had gun sieges and kidnappings too. Thought the school was bad, but the pupils have got to come from somewhere. One of the guys we caught in our garden was a guy called Karl Ali (spelling's probably wrong, but I aint going to make the effort to find it out). He lived about five doors down from me, and he was a right pure scum. I drove past him five years ago in Swansea city centre, and he was standing on the pavement drinking cider, and hurling abuse at everyone who drove past. Nice bloke. Well, one morning, one of our neighbours from opposite us, a tall girl (can't remember her name, nice girl though), lives in a downstairs flat. She went into the upstairs flat to pick up something-or-other, and left her front door open. Only for about two minutes. During that time, Karl see's the door open from his house across the road, leg's it over, nicks a £200 mountain bike out of her flat, and puts it straight into his house. Now, I'm not using the word "allegedly", because the bastard did do this. The reason I know why is because what happened next. The girl goes back to her flat, immediately notices that her bike is missing. She calmly closes her door, walks straight over to Karl's house (he had a reputation before this incident), and knocks on the door.
"Can I have my bike back please Karl?"
"Dunno what you're on about."
"I mean the bike that's behind you, in the hall."
"Eh?" - it was right behind him in clear view.
She grips him by the neck, and instead of going into the house, drags him into the street. She then starts shouting for all of us (as in the neighbours) to come out, explains what he's done, and proceeds to publically beat him in front of us, much to our amusement. Once she's done, she leaves him on the floor, get's her bike back and goes home. We never saw him after that (oh, and the cider incident was the last time I ever saw him).

Women are great when they're angry :D

EDIT: lol! Click this for some demands, and this if you are a regilious freak.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

couldn't you just move? The worse thing in H-o-T I have encountered is fireworks landing on the roof at 3 in the morning. Sure it was New Years Eve but letting them off in the middle of the street right outside my house...

3:43 AM  
Blogger John Coghlan said...

Lol! Same thing happened to me, and me and the neighbours ended up in the local paper with a big photo of us holding our ears - everyone was named (including my dad and my dog), except for me being classed as "other resident". My fecking dog got named, but I didn't!

3:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow! Good ol' Czechoslovak car. We used to have one too. It was a "newer" model though. Haha!


4:34 AM  

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