Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Passing the 3000 View Mark

....and I'm not slowing down for anyone. No, not even grannies in scooters, they can get right out of the way as well :)


In Swansea, there in the centre of the city is a shopping district called "The Quadrant". Now for a few months over the Christmas of 1999 I worked for Electronic Boutique in this Quadrant, and was witness to the grannies and the word "sale". Now this word is magical around the old and wrinkley, as it means so much more than a simple "reduction in price". In Swansea "sale" roughly translates to "weapons at the ready" morelike. This word is more potent than the word "Bingo", which is of course the 2nd worst trigger word for granny excitement. Blimey, they argue, haggle, fight with other shoppers over bargains, barge in the way of over people, push into queues, spray graffiti about the war and spit chewing gum at youths. Ok, I made the last two up, but I've clearly witnessed the others on many occasions there.

The inside of the Swansea Quadrant....what horrors await thee?

Blimey, this guy's got loads of Swansea photos, see here if you are really that bored.

Anyway, I have a theory about the grannies of Swansea. They are trained from birth to be the hardest bunch of psychotic old bar stewards ever conceived, and once they are smelling of vinegar enough, they are let loose on the 20th of December in the Quadrant. Then, the Welsh rugby squad trials are placed on the other side of the Quadrant. Whichever players get to the other side first get on the squad. Worked for the Six Nations team this time around :D

I'm telling you, the grannies of Swansea are not to be trifled with....just imagine the Golden Girls with tattoos and chewing tobacco and you start to get close to what's really going on in the world.
There again, there are a few grannies who stray from this pre-defined Swansea definition, and are actually quite normal. When I was in E.B. in the Quadrant, there was one classic example. There was a guy working with us from the Cardiff branch, who was a right cocky twange. He basically tried to make out that he was better than everyone because he was from Cardiff, and tried hitting all of us with racist comments etc. I really was doing well ignoring the little pube, as it was all in the background, and he'd be gone by tomorrow. But he then started involving customers in the shop with this too, which pissed me off to a certain degree. One such customer was this stereotypical granny, who was buying a game for her grandson for Christmas. As I was taking the money for the game and explaining something about it to her, this Cardiff lout butts into the conversation and makes some racist comment about people from Swansea. I'm standing there a bit stunned and very angry, and the granny is absolutely stunned as this guy is standing there smirking and gloating about it. So instead of stitching him there and then, I turned to the granny and calmly said "Oh I'm sorry about him dear, he's from Cardiff". The granny, with amazing comedy timing and precision, nods to me, looks at him with pity and says "Aw bless", takes her game and walks out. The lout couldn't say nothing to me all afternoon, because I was too busy laughing at him.

Some grannies have their uses, even if it is only for comedy purposes.

Random Links Of The Day

Bizarre Sony Loophole? - this is an odd one. It was posted on the 1st of April, but they are adamant that it's not an April Fools, so I'd say make what you want out of this. If it's true though, then woah.

Amazing Wallpapers - Quite amazing, as the wallpapers are of what's behind the monitor, creating an awesome "hollow screen" illusion. Very very clever.


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