Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Holy crap, does this thing still work????

*Taps microphone*

"Hello? Helloooooo.......echo."
"Ummm, hello peeps. Tis Jeccius here, after a long LONG absence from me blog, I now am OFFICIALLY BACK BABY!"

*Cricket noises heard in background, akward silence ensues*

"Well, ummmmm, I've quit World of Warcraft, which has increased my public awareness by a +8 bonus."

*A tumbleweed blows past*

"Well fuuuuuuuuuck you then."

*Big round of applause*

Yes, that's right. Jeccius is out of his coma-induced online gaming ritual and allowed to interact with the public again, oh god help you all! I've had some bizarre things occur over the last few months, including finding out that I am in fact going to be a DADDY! All I can say is god help the baby lol. Due on Feb 26th 2007, woot woot! Now all I gotta do is move lol.

Got a PSP with Tekken DR; damn that's good. Also got a wireless connection through a Netgear router (freebie, but good), can now browse t'internet through me PSP anywhere around my 1 bedroom'ed flat (is it worth it?). I've OD'd on Family Guy (what a way to go though) and am currently so full of shit that work have had to call in a 2nd sewage system to be installed.

Had an odd dream the other night.......dum de dum de dum (cue squiggly memory special effect);

*Chris Tarrent, British Presenter and Inventor of the gameshow "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?". He is tied to a pole at the end of a Mexican Prison firing range. A 4 man Mexican firing squad are at the opposite end to Chris, and are sniggering amongst themselves. *

Mexican1 - "So Chris, how are you enjoying your stay?"
Chris - "Wha? What have I done? Why am I here?"
Mexican1 - "It's my turn to ask the questions sinore."

*The other mexicans laugh in a high pitched way that only dodgy mexicans can do ie like a pack of hyennas.*

Mexican2 - "You gonna hurt now, Chris."
Mexican3 - "Yeah, you gonna bleed Tarrent!"
Mexican1 - "Silence!"

*The other mexicans quieten down.*

Mexican1 - "The reason you're here Chris is because of crimes to television! Well, that and my Aunty Paulie only got to $2000 before getting one wrong, and coming home with an embarrasing $1000. She can't show her face in bingo no more."
Chris - "But my television is renouned! Who Wants to be a Millionaire is a world-wide success, plus I'm sorry about your aunt but I only worked on the UK show."
Mexican1 - "You're so narrow minded Chris, you think it's all "Squillionaire"? How about.....Tiswas!!!!!!"
Chris - "Gasp!"
Mexican1 - "You think we'd forget about that, Tarrent? All those years of mental torture, oh you're going down hombre! Plus Paulie still misses Bingo. Bastard."

*The mexicans all laugh again.*

Chris - "But that was years ago! I didn't know any better, I was naive! Plus you can't surely blame me, it was all Keith Chegwin's doing."
Mexican4 - "He wasn't even on that show! Oh Keith's going to have his, oh yeah hombre. He's going down. My pa's still feeling ill from seeing him in the nude. Wakes up screaming he does hombre, middle of de night. You know what that's like for our family, uh?"

*Christ starts crying*

Chris- "I'm sorry!"
Mexican1 - "Now now Chris, it's too late for that. So we'll play it your way then. Nancho, play da tape!"

*The 3rd mexican pulls out a little portable hi-fi, and presses play. The "Who wants to be a Millionaire" jingle plays, and once done the normal background music is heard with Chris talking in the background (obviously taped off the tv).*

Mexican1 - "We are going to kill you Chris, but in which way? Is it;
A - Gunshots by my firing squad.
B - Petrol and torch bonfire.
C - Stoned to death, or
D - Stabbing?
As always, you have your lifelines, you can ask the audience, 50-50 or phone a friend."

Chris - "Phone a friend, for god's sake!!!!"

Mexican1 - "Nancho, your mobile!"

*Mexican3 sulks, then pulls out a pay-as-you-go from his pocket*

Mexican3 - "I only got 30c credit man, don't be long hombre."

*Chris dials a number frantically, as Mexcan1 starts his stopwatch while smiling.*

Mexican1 - "30 seconds homes, make them count."

Phone recorded message - "Your credit is low. You may need to top-up shortly. Please wait."

Chris - "Come on.....come on....*about 10 secs later* Hello! Is that the operator? What? Do you speak English???? I need the Police!!! Poleeza, or whatever you call it...hello? Damn reception, hello, yes, I need the..."

*Mexican3 turns the phone off.*

Mexican1 - "Time's up, sorry Chris, did you get the right answer?"

Chris - "Damn!!!!"

Mexican1 - "You still have 50-50 and Ask the Audience, your choice."

Chris - "Ask the Audience then."

Mexican1 - "Okay..."

*The four mexicans huddle up*

All Mexicans - "Oh you gonna die!!!!"

Mexican1 - "Any help?"

Chris - "Not at all."

Mexican1 - "50-50?"

Chris - "May as well."

*Mexican1 points at Mexican2 and Mexican4, and sends them away. They both sulk and trot off to a nearby shed.*

Chris - "Is that it?"

Mexican1 - "Well, we can all kill you if you want."

Chris - "Just get it over with then."

Mexican1 and Nancho raise thier guns. Chris closes his eyes.

Mexican1 - "3........2........1........Wait."

Chris - "What?"

Mexican1 - "We'll find out if he's right after this commercial break."

Everyone - "Ooohhhhhhhh!"

Had to get that dream outta me head, damn odd.


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