The Land Of Jeccius

Morn'

2006-09-05T02:52:00.000-07:00

Av itttttt

Click for biggie

Am drained today; my dog, Ben of 12 years of age had to be put down yesterday. Damn that smarts. Grew up with the poor bugger for 10 years, before moving out. Upset me parents when they got rid of him; he had failed kidneys and his blood was thick with poison. Poor sod.

Oh noes!

2006-09-04T00:12:00.000-07:00

Steve Irwin's dead. What a loss to the community that is.

Anyway, it's Monday morning!

Hahahaha!!! He can never break the habit.

Just made this one btw;

Was talking to a friend about blogs....

2006-08-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

...and he said that the worst problem that he finds with blogs is that the main problem with blogs in general is that they tend to be people whining about themselves. Granted, if you click the "Next Blog" button you will find things people are describing about themselves. You will find a few people who are discussing others instead though. These I find tend to be the better and more interesting of the two by far. Even if they are talking about conifers. The gays.

I'd always felt that free-thinking elderly people should be rounded up and made to battle like Pokemon. Give them some weaponry, throw them in a pit and leave them to duke it out. The old feckers. It's not the elderly who actually are helpful and friendly which I find annoying, oh no. They can carry on as normal. It's the ones who fucking complain about "not having a dry ink newspaper" or "the lids never tight enough on the pepper" that makes me want to turn the kidney machine off. Does this one item not being quite 100% give you an excuse to make it into a "News At Ten" special? Does it fuck. Shut the fuck up and get back in the cupboard Grandma, this is my house.

PS Happytoast (the affiliator of The Happy Toast Site) has made his own rendition of my "Woman" art, and e-mailed it to me. Cheers bud!!!!!

Awesome work mate, thanks!!!

Hello Mother Russia!!!!! *

2006-08-21T02:52:00.000-07:00

*This post has nothing to do with Russia.*

What's the deal with Tourettes sufferers; are they just after attention? Can't take them anywhere without them slagging off something. Nasty if you ask me. Pete on Big Brother UK was a laff, did go on for a bit though :)

Having Alzheimers is another odd thing too; losing your memory slowly until you are completely incapacitated to anyone etc, must be awful that one. But at the same time it must be alright; you never remember the bad stuff. Plus you could own a full DVD collection of 1 dvd, which you've never seen before.

Ohhh, me nasty.

I've stuck a few more jokes on Me Bad Jokes Page if you want to be seriously put off life altogether. Was bored, soz about that.

Do It Woman!!!!!

2006-08-17T23:45:00.000-07:00

Made this site the other week/month/whatever, and has been quite popular as of late. So popular that I've had to create a fan-page for posting other peeps attempts at re-creating this.

Do it Woman!

Was bored on the B3ta Main Board one morning, and decided to make something childish like this to get the board moving. After doing about 10 or so, someone (I think it was a user called "ccc") suggested that I should make a page, so I did. I've made currently around 100 pics for this site, and hafve not finished yet :)

Holy crap, does this thing still work????

2006-08-16T00:50:00.000-07:00

*Taps microphone*

"Hello? Helloooooo.......echo."
"Ummm, hello peeps. Tis Jeccius here, after a long LONG absence from me blog, I now am OFFICIALLY BACK BABY!"

*Cricket noises heard in background, akward silence ensues*

"Well, ummmmm, I've quit World of Warcraft, which has increased my public awareness by a +8 bonus."

*A tumbleweed blows past*

"Well fuuuuuuuuuck you then."

*Big round of applause*

Yes, that's right. Jeccius is out of his coma-induced online gaming ritual and allowed to interact with the public again, oh god help you all! I've had some bizarre things occur over the last few months, including finding out that I am in fact going to be a DADDY! All I can say is god help the baby lol. Due on Feb 26th 2007, woot woot! Now all I gotta do is move lol.

Got a PSP with Tekken DR; damn that's good. Also got a wireless connection through a Netgear router (freebie, but good), can now browse t'internet through me PSP anywhere around my 1 bedroom'ed flat (is it worth it?). I've OD'd on Family Guy (what a way to go though) and am currently so full of shit that work have had to call in a 2nd sewage system to be installed.

Had an odd dream the other night.......dum de dum de dum (cue squiggly memory special effect);

*Chris Tarrent, British Presenter and Inventor of the gameshow "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?". He is tied to a pole at the end of a Mexican Prison firing range. A 4 man Mexican firing squad are at the opposite end to Chris, and are sniggering amongst themselves. *

Mexican1 - "So Chris, how are you enjoying your stay?"
Chris - "Wha? What have I done? Why am I here?"
Mexican1 - "It's my turn to ask the questions sinore."

*The other mexicans laugh in a high pitched way that only dodgy mexicans can do ie like a pack of hyennas.*

Mexican2 - "You gonna hurt now, Chris."
Mexican3 - "Yeah, you gonna bleed Tarrent!"
Mexican1 - "Silence!"

*The other mexicans quieten down.*

Mexican1 - "The reason you're here Chris is because of crimes to television! Well, that and my Aunty Paulie only got to $2000 before getting one wrong, and coming home with an embarrasing $1000. She can't show her face in bingo no more."
Chris - "But my television is renouned! Who Wants to be a Millionaire is a world-wide success, plus I'm sorry about your aunt but I only worked on the UK show."
Mexican1 - "You're so narrow minded Chris, you think it's all "Squillionaire"? How about.....Tiswas!!!!!!"
Chris - "Gasp!"
Mexican1 - "You think we'd forget about that, Tarrent? All those years of mental torture, oh you're going down hombre! Plus Paulie still misses Bingo. Bastard."

*The mexicans all laugh again.*

Chris - "But that was years ago! I didn't know any better, I was naive! Plus you can't surely blame me, it was all Keith Chegwin's doing."
Mexican4 - "He wasn't even on that show! Oh Keith's going to have his, oh yeah hombre. He's going down. My pa's still feeling ill from seeing him in the nude. Wakes up screaming he does hombre, middle of de night. You know what that's like for our family, uh?"

*Christ starts crying*

Chris- "I'm sorry!"
Mexican1 - "Now now Chris, it's too late for that. So we'll play it your way then. Nancho, play da tape!"

*The 3rd mexican pulls out a little portable hi-fi, and presses play. The "Who wants to be a Millionaire" jingle plays, and once done the normal background music is heard with Chris talking in the background (obviously taped off the tv).*

Mexican1 - "We are going to kill you Chris, but in which way? Is it;
A - Gunshots by my firing squad.
B - Petrol and torch bonfire.
C - Stoned to death, or
D - Stabbing?
As always, you have your lifelines, you can ask the audience, 50-50 or phone a friend."

Chris - "Phone a friend, for god's sake!!!!"

Mexican1 - "Nancho, your mobile!"

*Mexican3 sulks, then pulls out a pay-as-you-go from his pocket*

Mexican3 - "I only got 30c credit man, don't be long hombre."

*Chris dials a number frantically, as Mexcan1 starts his stopwatch while smiling.*

Mexican1 - "30 seconds homes, make them count."

Phone recorded message - "Your credit is low. You may need to top-up shortly. Please wait."

Chris - "Come on.....come on....*about 10 secs later* Hello! Is that the operator? What? Do you speak English???? I need the Police!!! Poleeza, or whatever you call it...hello? Damn reception, hello, yes, I need the..."

*Mexican3 turns the phone off.*

Mexican1 - "Time's up, sorry Chris, did you get the right answer?"

Chris - "Damn!!!!"

Mexican1 - "You still have 50-50 and Ask the Audience, your choice."

Chris - "Ask the Audience then."

Mexican1 - "Okay..."

*The four mexicans huddle up*

All Mexicans - "Oh you gonna die!!!!"

Mexican1 - "Any help?"

Chris - "Not at all."

Mexican1 - "50-50?"

Chris - "May as well."

*Mexican1 points at Mexican2 and Mexican4, and sends them away. They both sulk and trot off to a nearby shed.*

Chris - "Is that it?"

Mexican1 - "Well, we can all kill you if you want."

Chris - "Just get it over with then."

Mexican1 and Nancho raise thier guns. Chris closes his eyes.

Mexican1 - "3........2........1........Wait."

Chris - "What?"

Mexican1 - "We'll find out if he's right after this commercial break."

Everyone - "Ooohhhhhhhh!"

Had to get that dream outta me head, damn odd.

Gotta post these two :D

2005-06-13T03:13:00.000-07:00

I've been evil work :D

You seek Yoda, powerful Jedi..."

Me ex-manager...classic

I also did these two of some of the guys in verk;

Another Pompa classic

Escape in the park with staff included

Oh well.

Bling bling brrrrrr

2005-05-31T00:47:00.000-07:00

Crazy frog. Or 2,000 adverts an hour on telly as I like to call him. Fecks me right off. It's not the fact that he makes that sound. I don't find that annoying at all. It's the fact that it's EVERY DAMN COMMERCIAL BREAK WE SEE THE FECKER. Nuff said.

Seen Star Wars Episode 3, and to a certain extent I did enjoy it, even with the comical Darth Vader scene at the end. There are some real cool scenes in the film, and I think Mr Lucas has done enough to salvage these films back to almost classic status. They still aint a patch on the originals though.

What else? Oh, on the Gametrailers site they have added most of the E3 videos on there. Among the best is the direct sequel to Final Fantasy 7, aptly named "Advent Children". I finished the original years ago, and I still have it on the PC as well. This really does look too good to be true for the Squaresoft fans, and I really hope Square pull this off, because what I've seen looks bloomin excellent of the highest order.

Behold! It's........

Random Link Of The Day

Insane MSPaint image - This guy apparently took 500 hours to paint this in MSPaint. Insanely talented results ahoy.

Fight For Freedom - Challenge game of cool proportions, good for free.

Project Entropia - Ok....this is an odd one. Free to register and free to play, but the catch is if you want to take the easy way to advancement you buy/invest property in the game itself. There are other routes to making actual real money there too; one kid spent $26,000 on there, and he's planning on making a fortune off it too. There's more info about this on The Entropia Forums. I've got it, and I'm finding quite interesting.

Oh, almost forgot....

Silly midget

Grrrrrrrrrrung

2005-05-21T01:26:00.000-07:00

Tis saturday morning.

I aint posted all week.

And I have a hangover. Again.

Hangovers don't work well with the flu though. Oh dear.

I'm typing this up in the house, while playing Final Fantasy Tactics Advance on the DS, and nowhere near finishing it either. I played it for 38 hours last year, and I only finished 80 out of 300 missions. Not bad for a GBA game. Anything to get me off Resident Evil 4. That game seriously damages your social life (hang about, you've gotta have a social life before saying that), and I'd completely recommend it. The first sequel in ages which completely changes for the better everything before it. The only other game that springs to mind that has done that is Final Fantasy 6 (not 7, as I thought 6 had just as strong a story to it). Ohh, I'm getting all soppy now.

Must find out the secrets of the enemy...

Still aint seen Star Wars yet. Most probs watch it tonight. Tsk.

Got some good responce from a post on B3ta though, which is cool. Check it out here. Tis the last but one entry on the Best page, and is entirely a true story. Damn funny that week on the boards.

This week, I have been suffering from the flu again. Not that Man-flu, which is a well documented version of when a mancan't be fecked to do anything at all, oh no. I was getting the dizzy spells, fever etc and my nose looked as crooked as Mount Rushmore. And I was in work for practically all of it too. Except for Wednesday night.

Wednesday night. I'm going through the roughest patch of the flu, where I'm aching all over, and all I can do is nod off to sleep. I'm sent home an hour early from work because of this, and managed to get about 1/2 an hour asleep, before waking up again. It's about 9.30pm, and me and the wife are in bed watching Crimewatch (it had the reconstruction of that horrific attack on Abigail Witchalls on it, great TV viewing). Out the front, the flat's black bags and rubbish had been stacked ready for collection on Thursday morning. I'm drifting asleep and then hear an odd thud outside. So I sit up, and glance out of the bedroom curtains to see two kids from the youth club a few doors down from us attempting to throw the black bags through our living room window. Great. Just what teh Doctor ordered. So I tell the wife, and she runs out the front shouting at them, and they are swearing back at her. I'm now not happy. I stick on my Welsh rugby shirt (official, not a cheapskate copy), tracksuit bottoms and some trainers, then walk out into the rain. Not the best conditions for someone with the flu, but hey, I'm not going outside for sunburn.

Five 14 year old kids are arsing about by the bus stop across the road, which also included the two kids that I spotted hurling the rubbish. I pick out the bigger of the two, and go straight at him. I stop approximately a foot away from him, glar right at him and say rather directly;
Me - "How can I help?"
Twange - "Not doing nothing mun."
Me - "Really? I'm confused with that because I just watched you and him (pointing at his mate) throwing black bags at my window. How can I fecking help?"
Twange - "Um....."
I glare at all of them in turn, then re-focus my attention back on the main twange again, who'se feeling a bit socially awkard at this point.
Me - "Do we need to sort this out?"
Twange (drops his head down a bit) - "Sorry."
Me - "Thankyou."

I turn around and walk off back indoors, my back to them. I'm dying to laugh at him but I thought I'd made him feel small enough, even though I was looking up at him during the entire conversation (for a 14 year old, he was fecking tall). I get back in the flat, and see that the group have dispersed, and we didn't see them again that night.

Once they were gone from view, I coughed up half a lung in the toilet. The flu is great.

I'm going now...I've finaly worked out how to use the washing machine. I know, I know, it's a woman's job, but it is the nineties :p

Minggggg.....

2005-05-12T00:44:00.000-07:00

Random Link Of The Day

The Apologist - If you want to apologise for anything, just get on this site. Lots of funny stuff here.

Engrish.com - Badly translated English from Japanese, very cool site, and been around for years.

Flash 2 player Snooker - suprisingly good :)

Kitten Cannon - I actually don't think I've posted this. Highly addictive Kitten launching game...I've got 2700 feet as my personal best.

Morning. Went to pub last night to meet up with a few lads from work, which also included visits from our managers as well. I had the car with me, so I couldn't get blottoed, which was a shame, but we managed to have a bit of a laugh anyroads. Twas the last night we shall see Nicky, who joined our team about 54 months ago, and he has now got a new job elsewhere. Congrats.....bitch :)

I worked out that this Sunday just gone was exactly 5 years to the day for when I started working for this company. I started with hope and ambition, joining a large company which this department was struggling to find it's feet. 5 years later I'm at the same spot as I started, just in more debt, and I really need to get out of here. I started here almost beleiving I was starting a career, but in reality it was just another job. And an overstressed crap job at that.

So, if there's a suitable job out there which I see, I will go for it. If only for my sanity :D

My hayfever's kicking in...sneezing on my keyboard is great fun, as it turns the standardised keyboard into a japanese one in seconds. Plus, there's the bonus that if someone else uses this keyboard and computer later, they're typing on snot :D

Now on "Straight To Video Productions"

Have any of you watched this programme on Channel 5 called the Farm? Don't, it sucks ass. Literally; there's two porn stars staying there, with Stan Orville and Lionel Blair for fecks sake lol. That would make one hell of a porn film :D

About Time For A Posting

2005-05-04T00:37:00.000-07:00

Woah....where have I been? I haven't updated this site for yonks, so I'd better get on with it.

Random Links To Kill Your Time

Kitten Cannon - I rule at this; try to beat 2700 feet :D

Kitten War - This site rocks sooooo much :D

Guess The Google - An awesome idea; you place a hidden word into the image search in google, and you have to work out what the word is from the images found, tis awesome fun.

Well....what have I been upto? Apart from worrying about my wife and my job, nothing much. In here, my job has been requiring me to focus alot more on targets etc, which is requiring most if not all my concerntration, hence the lack of postings on here. As well as that, I've been sorting out various things with the bank, and my wife has been under alot of stress.

Her boss is a dentist in Swansea (not saying where for legal reasons), and has threatened her with a disciplinary for not treating customers, sorry, patients with respect. Now, this I find very very hard to believe as my wife has known most if not all the patients longer than the dentist as, as he's only been running the practise for 2- years, and she's been working there for 4. That's point number 1. Secondly, the dentist is very good at what he does, but isn't good at communicating. He finds it difficult to convey anything, without turning it into a smug comment. Thirdly, this disciplinary is mainly stemming from an apparent complaint that Adele has mistreated a patient over the telephone. Now this is the point that really fecks me off.

I don't like this for many reasons, as Adele has to deal with over 4,000 patients who are registered at that practise. She is the first contact with the patient, and has to organise for when every patient needs treatment/a checkup/ a needle etc and organise a timeslot for them. She deals with everyone, and is bound to get an aggressive patient who will give her abuse, because there is not enough time to get everyone seen to. Now for this, if a patient comes in and complains about her because she can't physicsally fit them into the busy schedule then he's taking the fecking patient's side? Because that's what has seemingly happened in this case. I'd knock my dentist's fecking teeth out if he did that to me. With a steering lock. We've literally agreed that if he does try to take this further that we'll have him done in court, for staff malpractise if anything else. Am not happy.

Right, put your shocked face on

Ok, I'm about to start work again, will post soon :)

One Thing About Work That Really Annoys Me

2005-04-22T00:20:00.000-07:00

Is that they don't pay me £17,000 a month. That would be great.

Plus, occasional customers who like to eat down the phone. No offence, but you called us to help you with your computer needs, not to listen to your digestive system you fecking pig. Is it normal for people to enjoy listening to someone munching like feck down the phone? No you delinquent hormone, it is not. I hope you're fat and ugly.

Ahem.

I'm currently trying to fix someone's comp issue as he's eating something down the phone, and the gulping is starting to make me want to tell him to type format c:. It's the most irritating thing; someone calls you for help, and then starts munching a fecking sandwich down the phone. I'm waiting for someone to choke.

But you don't let these things get to you; you must remain professional and 100% focused on the tasks at hand. Hitting targets and taking names is all it is; tech support is starting to seem secondary to my job role. I was employed in this job to help people, yet it's seeming more apparent that to last here you need to help yourself first, and if you've got time help the poor unfortunate who called. I need a new job.

If paper-rounds offered enough money, I'd do that at the mo. This place sucks.

I'm still not mentioning names though, for basic "don't want to get fired" reasons. I've never worked in a place where I've been told off for being too helpful before. I've never worked in a place where there was so little responcibility to it's customers (well, that's not strictly true....I bombed Nam). I've never worked in a place before where the coffee machines make mud, with weeds included. I've never worked in a place before where the canteen should have been closed down eight times previously, yet it still serves sausages in about 60% of it's products. I've never worked in a place where the canteen charges double the price for things which are available in Morrisons around the corner from us for half the price with better quality. I've never worked for a place where the security couldn't look after a pet snail, let alone a building. I've never worked in a place where half the management have never done the job you're doing, and tell you what to do even though they've never done it themselves.

But you don't let these things get to you. Ohhhhhh no.

Random Links Of The Day

Funky New Royal Video - Funny as feck spoof Charles and Camilla vid, classic :)

Eternal Fun - Wooo, flash games galore site :)

Ze Frank - Damn good flash site, to see some excellent flash examples, check out the dragon one for example, it's almost hypnotic.

I need a day off. To spend in bed.

Oh, and I've put 2 extra links on the right, 2 extra games for ya...Zookeeper and Pinball. Yey.

Super Sub!!!!

2005-04-19T00:07:00.000-07:00

Last night I was asked to cover for the Monday night Pool team at my local, as they were short a player. I finished work at 7.45pm and made my way to the local, where the match was all ready to start. I was listed in to play 5th out of 6 singles matches which were scheduled, and play the first of three doubles with the Arthur as well. After the first four matches the score was tied at 2-2, and then I went up and kicked ass. I nearly cleared on the first shot, missing the last red but developing the black rather easily. Then on the second shot I took out a long red and long black to make it 3-2. The last singles was lost to the away side, who were looking a little bit sheepish by now. 3-3. Me and Arthur grace the table for the 1st doubles, as Arthur takes out alot of the game, and I miss an early clearance chance. The away side do well, and leave this situation on the table for me to take on;

Click here for biggie

See Fig 1.a. Blimey, I'm using figs, what am I, gay? Fecking hell. I was left with this situation on the table. I was on the black, and I was truely knackered for trying to knock the yellow out of the way, as it was too close to the pocket. I couldn't cross double it to the top left as the cue ball would have hit it. I couldn't do the long double down the table, as the cue ball would've most definately interferred with the shot. So what I went for was Fig 1.b (fecking hell) and lined it up instead. I spent a minute looking at the angles, and played the shot. It went in straight in the middle of the pocket. Everyone's cheering, and the away squad are clapping as well, and a bit gobsmacked as well. I pack up my cue, and I leave the match before it has finished; I still don't know wether we won or not.

I'm smug as fuck, and still grinning like a dopey twat over it :D

Random Link Of The Day

The Experimental Gameplay Project - People who are trying to create fun games as qucikly as possible...all are free games to download too, cool :D

I Survived The Weekend

2005-04-18T00:17:00.000-07:00

But my head says otherwise......urgh.

My missus came through for us yesterday; she found an article in the Sunday's People newspaper.

Click here for Miranda II!!!!

See my previous article for all the info relating to the last post on Miranda :)

This time around, she's apparently seeing David Beckham's dad? Blimey. That's a bit better than Dev to be honest lol

Random Picture Of The Day

An oldie but goldie

It's been another strange weekend. Played my pool match last night, and my singles record was demolished by a chav. He broke off and cleared up 1st shot, and I didn't even touch the table. Blimey. Still though, I hammered him in the doubles lol. We played a pub from Brynhyff...Brunhf....Swansea :p who are famous for having a player on thier side who goes by the name of "Ginger Dennis". In Swansea, this guy is a legend :D Now Ginger Dennis is renound by many a person, and is almost (if not already) is a celebrity in his own right. His day-job is a porter for the Swansea City football club, and it's not uncommon at the beginning of the matches for half of the north bank to be cheering for him when he walks past lol. The main thing about Ginger Den is that he's a bit slow by normal standards. Now I'm not going to directly give him abbuse, as I'm not racist in that respect. I make alot of jokes, but I'm bright enough to know when to stop, and I know the difference between right and wrong on insulting disabled people etc (it's a bit of a taboo subject nowadays, so I'm just making sure that everyone know's I'm not a complete racist twonk). But I have to say that Ginger Dennis is a prime candidate for being most likely to be found dead drowned in a bowl of breakfast porridge.

It's not that he's disabled, it's more like he is just genuinely thick as pig shit.

His own pub landlord and his local drinkers regularly takes the piss out of him. They constantly wind him up abou the smallest of things, yet he still goes back for more because they don't bully him either. If someone did anything bad to him, they would be the first to defend, then they'd take the pish out of him royally afterwards. It's a bit strange, but it most probably explains why he puts up with it.

Another thing which is special about Ginger Dennis, is that he's permanently on heat. He sees women and immediately tries chatting them up. Fair does, he's ten out of ten for dutch courage :D He tried chatting my wife up once, while I was sitting next to her bless him. I was laughing all the way through it though, and Adele was terrified lol. He tried chatting up our landlady's daughter last night, and she gave him her phone number. Which actually turned out to be Cocket Police Stations instead. Oh dear, easy mistake to make, eh?

EDIT; been evil to Leigh in work again;

Heh heh heh, click here for biggie

Ok, Here's A New One

2005-04-15T00:49:00.000-07:00

....strange things are brewing in TV Land in the UK. There's two new "celebrity reality" programmes coming to grace our screens very very soon. Both are worthy of a mention on this site, even if it is going to be critisicm :)

Hell's Kitchen 2

The first was an absolute success, and also boosted the careers of a few celebs in the process. Gordon Ramsey tortured 12 celebs in a kitchen, until they could cook. Was damn funny watching some of them break down into tears lol, nout quite like it :) This time around however, Gordon is nowhere to be seen, and is replaced with two head chefs; Gary Rhodes and Christophe Novelli. Both are taking responcibility over two teams of six different as current unknown celebrities, waiting to be reduced to tears. Both teams are apparently competing against each other, hopefully to the death.

Celebrity Wrestling

Now this on paper sounds cool. Two teams of six celebrities, trained to wrestle and beat the crap out of each other. Now that's good TV :D Click here for a writeup on it.

Kate Lawler will be there, woooaaarrrrr

Am meant to be borrowing Wrestlmania 21 on video today from one of the guys in work. Should be cool :D

Damn!

2005-04-14T00:58:00.000-07:00

Last night.....I missed it by 10 minutes. Damn!

In our local pub, we have an elderly gentleman who goes by the name of Arthur. Now Arthur....is a cross between an elderly version of Popeye and someone suffering from Turrets. If he speaks to you, you will understand approximately 2 words a sentence, and the majority of the time he ends anything he says (if you can understand it) with "....yup yup yup yup yup." This makes communicating with him impossible, but quite laughable at the same time. But Arthur last night was in for a treat. Imagine if you will this Arthur. Now place this imaginary Arthur in a pub. Now imagine the landlady closing all of the curtains in the pub, keeping Arthur in a low lit environment. Imagine Athur with a pint, and his 3 surviving teeth and goofy old lips slurping over the side of the pint.

Now imagine the look of horror on his face when a blonde stripper turns up and rams her arse in his face.

There were no "yup, yup, yups" to be heard. By all accounts, he was not happy. A group of lesbians in the corner were though, they were dribbling :) He insulted the stripper all the way through the proceedings lol. He wouldn't even eat the cream off her nipples either. For shame Arthur!

So she done her act, packed up all her stuff, and I got there 10 minutes after it had finished. Bollocks. One of the guys from the Pool Team did take a few digital photos of the event, which I got to christen, ummmm, look at, which in one picture the stripper is walking over to Arthur and he's got a look of real hate in his face. Classic :)

I always miss the funny stuff, plus an excuse to see baps in public, am well gutted.

Random Link Of The Day

Dface The Celebs - here's one I did earlier.

You are looking quite the fool :)

God I'm bored.

After he missed the baseball, 50 cent was close to tears

That's it...once I've found something interesting I'll link it up for you, otherwise it's back to work for me.

Omg!

2005-04-13T02:23:00.000-07:00

Random Link Of The Day

The Ultimate Games Room - This person (whomever they are) has more money than sense.....and has got practically EVEYTHING EVER MADE COMPUTER GAME WISE. I thought I was looking at Toys-R-Us when I was looking at this.....absolutely beserk. To check out his full story click here .

Wooo, there's an internal Pool Tournament going on in work, and I am entered. I'm waiting for some blokey called Scott to e-mail me, and arrange the time for which I am playing. If he doesn't, then I win by default. I've had a couple of matches over the last few weeks, so I'm hoping it will go ok :) In fairness, we've got 64 entrants though, which for a work tourney that's a good outing.

Watched a program on BBC1 last night called "Hustle". I've never fancied it, not since watching the 1st episode of the last season, as it just didn't really appeal to me. But I watched it as I was too knackered to change the channel on the remote lol. Blimey, it spun me out. There was one hell of a con going on, and it was completely fresh, and spun me well out; they stunned the target a beauty, and I couldn't help but laugh as I didn't see it coming either. It was actually all explained at the end, and made sense as well. The writer's a genius, was almost on the level with "The Usual Suspects" for a plot twist at the end. Keep it up, and I might watch it again.

Oh well, back in work again. My phone's warning lights are all off, yet I still have eighty-odd calls queuing to come through. That don't make sense, as when there's just the one queuing you're warned about it. How queer?

Second Random Link

Whack your Boss - Classic :D

A Third?

How Manga Doodles Work - I've always wanted to find this out. Thank the British for inventing Science(tm).

Feeling the Aftermath....

2005-04-11T04:33:00.000-07:00

....of the wife's birthday. Urghhhh. What an odd, but rather fun weekend. Was the wife's birthday on Saturday, but the strange things didn't start happening then, no sir.

Friday morning; finished Doom 3. I only just started playing it. Bollocks. Killed that big huge Cyberdemon around that circular portal using a Soul Cube. I cut the bottom half of his leg off then slit his throat. I'm such a nice lad really.

Friday night. We go onto our normal expedition trip to the local across the road from us. We wonder in the pub, and I'm introduced to two blokes from Bristol, who are related to the new landlord of the pub. I am then challenged by these two Bristolians, after drinking a few beers and sambucca, to answer riddles. Which I do. Very quickly. Because I've heard all of them years ago, but not to rub it in or be impolite I go ahead with the game, keeping eveyone happy. Besides, even though they resembled chavs they were making an effort to talk to people, so I'm not going to say anything bad about them. I rather drunkedly then decide that I'd tell them a few "jokes", and they can't look in my direction anymore without laughing. It was almost like "Wycliffe, I'm your biggest fan" all over again.

So Friday night continues as normal, and it hits 11.25pm, where I decide that I'm off for some takeaway before they close at 11.30pm. The wife still had some drink left, so she said she'd catch me up. I get to the takeaway (which is coincidentally my next door neighbours, great recipe for becoming a fat twunt), order my rice with curry sauce (cos it rocks) and go home. I stick the telly on, eat my entire meal, wash the dishes, and watch TV for 20 minutes before the wife comes back home. Apparently, about two minutes after I left, a pub-fight kicked off the size of a Cowboy Western, and I was busy being drunk and ordering food, and missed the lot. There was an ambulance, the Police and a bit of drunken blood going about. Am well gutted, I missed the lot.

Saturday. The wife's birthday. I start off the day by making my wife some breakfast in bed, as it's awfully impolite not to no someone's birthday. I decided to make some bacon and egg baps, which went as well as a wooden space ship. With me, cooking is like something I heard said in the film Dodgeball; "You're as useful as a group of spazzes trying to roger a doorknob". The eggs were mostly horrible and the bacon was burnt, but hey, the rolls were ok (only because I didn't need to cook them). So breakfast went well.

In the afternoon, we went up to visit the wife's twin (not identical, blimey and hell no. They are VERY DIFFERENT). That was a barrel of laughs, as per normal. Except for me nephew Shea, who enjoys kicking lumps out of me. We dropped them down the park, and went home to get ready for the night out.

There's not much that I can say about the night out itself, except that there was a gian inflatable cock involved, and I ended up eating a kebab in the pub with a pint. Was a real good laugh :D

Random Link Of The Day

Tiger Woods Incredible Shot - Click the middle link and watch the genius at play. This shot won him the 16th hole, and should have won him the Masters there and then, incredible to watch (I watched it live last night, was gob smacked).

Last night we had a pool match against a pub in Landore. We were all feeling quite rough....but we still won 8-0. Feck knows how though.

Oh, and one other thing; when the Pope's funeral was on on Friday afternoon. Instead of watching it, I played "The Punisher" lol, moment in history, classic :D

Hurrah!

2005-04-07T01:34:00.000-07:00

Got another week off....tis the wife's birthday on Saturday, so I decided to take a few days off work. I did tell work though :D

Right...what's been happening? I woke up just before the missus went to work, and I've just paused Doom 3 after playing it for 2 hours to type this up. Blimey that game is mental. Definately for the kids :D You know those TV programmes where they show kids being trouble makers, and the parents are trying to leanr how to control them? They ought to tell the psycholgist to feck off, and stick the kids on Doom 3 for an hour. That'll keep them quiet. And possibly crying for a bit too. And pissing the bed :)

My eBay stuff has been going well. I've sold pretty much all of the stuff I've stuck on there recently, and am selling more stuff. It's been very necessary, as me bank have been charging me loads for pretty much anything. Ebay's pretty much helped me stay on top of things at the moment, so I'm going to keep on selling stuff to make sure. "One man's crap is another man's treasure" as the saying goes. Reminds me of a dung beetle, that saying does.

Speaking of dung beetles;

Seamlessly linked into the conversation

Um...what else? I haven't got the car at the moment, so I'm just going to laze about spectacularly today. I imagine that I'll catch up on 24, as I've never fully watched any of the seasons (shock!). It's not as if I'm short on choice for films here though, as I've got about 30/40 films I've gotta watch at some point. Normally it's just finding the time to do so. But do you find that when you get the time to do watch a film, you'd rather just put the news on instead? Or is it just me time wasting? I dunno :p

Time for a Random Picture Of The Day

Av it!!!!!

Will speak to some of you soon, if I survive this weekend alive. I've heard there's sambucca waiting for us (sambucca, not to be confused with Chewbacca, who is of course famous for his role in "Bigfoot and the Hendersons").

Passing the 3000 View Mark

2005-04-05T09:06:00.000-07:00

....and I'm not slowing down for anyone. No, not even grannies in scooters, they can get right out of the way as well :)

Grannies?

In Swansea, there in the centre of the city is a shopping district called "The Quadrant". Now for a few months over the Christmas of 1999 I worked for Electronic Boutique in this Quadrant, and was witness to the grannies and the word "sale". Now this word is magical around the old and wrinkley, as it means so much more than a simple "reduction in price". In Swansea "sale" roughly translates to "weapons at the ready" morelike. This word is more potent than the word "Bingo", which is of course the 2nd worst trigger word for granny excitement. Blimey, they argue, haggle, fight with other shoppers over bargains, barge in the way of over people, push into queues, spray graffiti about the war and spit chewing gum at youths. Ok, I made the last two up, but I've clearly witnessed the others on many occasions there.

The inside of the Swansea Quadrant....what horrors await thee?

Blimey, this guy's got loads of Swansea photos, see here if you are really that bored.

Anyway, I have a theory about the grannies of Swansea. They are trained from birth to be the hardest bunch of psychotic old bar stewards ever conceived, and once they are smelling of vinegar enough, they are let loose on the 20th of December in the Quadrant. Then, the Welsh rugby squad trials are placed on the other side of the Quadrant. Whichever players get to the other side first get on the squad. Worked for the Six Nations team this time around :D

I'm telling you, the grannies of Swansea are not to be trifled with....just imagine the Golden Girls with tattoos and chewing tobacco and you start to get close to what's really going on in the world.
There again, there are a few grannies who stray from this pre-defined Swansea definition, and are actually quite normal. When I was in E.B. in the Quadrant, there was one classic example. There was a guy working with us from the Cardiff branch, who was a right cocky twange. He basically tried to make out that he was better than everyone because he was from Cardiff, and tried hitting all of us with racist comments etc. I really was doing well ignoring the little pube, as it was all in the background, and he'd be gone by tomorrow. But he then started involving customers in the shop with this too, which pissed me off to a certain degree. One such customer was this stereotypical granny, who was buying a game for her grandson for Christmas. As I was taking the money for the game and explaining something about it to her, this Cardiff lout butts into the conversation and makes some racist comment about people from Swansea. I'm standing there a bit stunned and very angry, and the granny is absolutely stunned as this guy is standing there smirking and gloating about it. So instead of stitching him there and then, I turned to the granny and calmly said "Oh I'm sorry about him dear, he's from Cardiff". The granny, with amazing comedy timing and precision, nods to me, looks at him with pity and says "Aw bless", takes her game and walks out. The lout couldn't say nothing to me all afternoon, because I was too busy laughing at him.

Some grannies have their uses, even if it is only for comedy purposes.

Random Links Of The Day

Bizarre Sony Loophole? - this is an odd one. It was posted on the 1st of April, but they are adamant that it's not an April Fools, so I'd say make what you want out of this. If it's true though, then woah.

Amazing Wallpapers - Quite amazing, as the wallpapers are of what's behind the monitor, creating an awesome "hollow screen" illusion. Very very clever.

Day 1 Of Dress Code Season

2005-04-04T00:57:00.000-07:00

And we're like a group of people possesed. We've practically all come into work in office wear, and have already started bitching and bullying the people who have come in wearing jeans. I've worn jeans for 5 years coming to this place, what the feck has come over me?

Ohhhhh, had a rough alcohol session on the weekend; Saturday night is mainly a blur. Not as in the band, but as in the alcoholically induced eye-sight you get after backing a few sambucca and vodka shots in ten minutes.

I asked Subway for a Meatball Roll, and they gave me a Mr Men one

Yup, I finally did it. I've been to a Subway . Blimey, one's just opened up in Swansea, and the website has been making me dribling. So me and the missus were in town, and I suggested that we try the place (I showed her the website too, and she couldn't resist either). Thankfully, the place was open on a Sunday so that helped for starters. So we join a rather healthily long queue of people, all waiting to try this out. The first problem for a start was the fact that the menu was completely out of sight, until you actually got to the counter. So you were left queuing up looking sideways at a ceiling menu, which didn't help us at all as you didn't know what was on offer until you got served, where you looked a complete twonk holding the rest of the public up while reading the menu. Secondly, the prices were all over the shop, and quite pricey too. They list loads of individual prices, loads of meal prices, and different combos available. The MacDonalds menu is far easier in comparison, which is quite scary when you think about it really. In retrospect though, the staff had braincells and made the roll right in front of you, which was cool. So I had as an experiment, the Meatball Marinara, which was actually fecking lovely. Only problem being, you try keeping a meatball covered in tomota sauce in a roll as you take a bite; was like a spud gun. Take a bite on one end, and you launch sauce everywhere. Was like eating a rissoto in a crackerbread lol. Other than that, I had a cookie and a drink for a rather pricey £5.30. I need a raise.

Oh, and the Pope's dead :p

Random Link Of The Day

Bad Chinese Subtitles - The B3ta'ans have been at it again, finding this corking site. It's all about the lucrative chinese DVD piracy rings, and about the corners cut when translating english to chinese. Damn funny results on this :D

Yey For Work Dress Code

2005-03-31T23:21:00.000-08:00

Hurrah! As of Monday, the ass clowns in management have decided that we are breaking from our last 5 year tradition of wearing what we want, to wearing office attire only. Great. That's going to make us want to work. Next up, they'll be making us wear braces too.

Random Link Of The Day

Stupid Girl In Embarrasing Photo Snap - Look an idiot? Embarrased that someone took a photo of you? Embarrased that someone put the photo on the net? Embarrased that someone took the photo, and photoshopped it till doomsday in some real funny pictures? You will be, just like this drunk bird is :D

The top one's the original, the bottom one is one of many :D

Who the feck dances like that? No wonder they had a field day :D

Earl Lewis A musician who I'm actually speaking to while making this blog...nice use of Flash too.

Swansea's been busy yesterday.....firstly, there was a road rage incident in Port Tennant, where a gentleman in his 70's was involved in a car accident, and was attacked by the other driver. One of the witnesses for this incident drinks in our local, no names being mentioned obviously :).

Secondly, there was what seems like an attempted suicide on Oystermouth Road (the main road leading next to the coast of Swansea) where a woman apparently jumped off a public walkbridge into on-coming traffic. The entire road was closed off all afternoon, causing major havoc in traffic congestion. Maybe she was trying to catch her bus, I dunno.

Thirdly, there was a car crash at 3pm literally about 50 yards from my front door, where a blue Corsa slammed into the back of another car. This was outside the doorstep of me local too, where drinkers were bemused when there were Police outside the pub, but for some unknown reason not rushing the place lol. That caused chaos in the traffic too. This happened roughly the same time as the attempted suicide, which didn't help the traffic flow at all.

Oh, and the Pope's almost dead too, bless :p

Aint had time to do a Mr Men piccy today, but will do one soon, honest guv :D

EDIT; Here's today's Mr Men;

Ohhhhh, nasty :D

Great.....

2005-03-30T08:53:00.000-08:00

Am trying to do this blog, and I keep getting HTTP 500 errors on this damn network....cmon work, get it working for feck's sake.

Yey...a day later and I can type again. Our internal tech support is a bit crud guys, get on it!

Mr Bump took to stalking Ms Weisz whenever he could

Well, she did it. Sian's finally gone from our workplace for good. Still speak to her on Messenger though, the nutty tart that she is (only joking, don't hit me :D). Our team organised a few leaving presents, which started from a team picture which had to be made by me and printed onto photo paper and placed into a frame. Here's the pic below;

Click on the pic to enlarge

Apologies to the team members who aren't on there, as I didn't have all your heads on MS Paint before I did this lol. By the way, I'm the handsome bastard in the top-right corner, last but one :D. I'm working on a different one at the mo, with everyone on it, which should take me 4 months to get around drawing.

Sian's other prezzies included a packet of AA Batteries, and (if you don't see where we're going here you are clearly blind) a see-thru Rampant Tabbit dildo for the batteries to go it. God she laffed at that, and stuck the dildo in someone's ear while he was taking a call lol.

Sian was really choked with the presents, however. Maybe she was using the rabbit wrong lol :D

She starts her new job on Monday, and is expected to quit by Thursday (only joking, good luck you nutter).

Last night I got home from work and decided to take a trip down memory lane with a game on my PC called "Freelancer". But before I did that, I had a look on the internet to see if I could find anything interesting for it....I found Lancer's Reactor , which has pretty much anything on the game ever made and then some. I've currently got most of the Star Wars ships installed on it, and it's very very cool :)

Random Link Of The Day

The new trailer for the new "Sin City". How fecked up does this look? And there's a shite load of stars in it too, should be a biggie :)

EDIT; BORING 3D - Blimey, these pics are good, and all rendered as a hobby interest by some bored blokey for our amusement.

Pished as hell

2005-03-24T23:37:00.000-08:00

There's no chance he's not an alchy...

I'm in work on Good Friday, and we have 140 plus customers waiting to speak to us and give us abuse, after alot of the staff were given time off for today too. I'm not happy.

Now I'm in work on Easter Monday, and there's still calls in the queue, but no-where near as much. Had a sambooka Sunday last night thanks to the missus buying me loads. I also lost the raffle in there too. Again. Yey.

Random Link Of The Bank Holiday

This Week's B3TA Competition - Absolute classic compo this week; turn a classic childrens program into degraded filth. Ya can't do better than that for class :D My only quibble is that there's not enough Chuckle Brothers going on in there for my liking lol, so I made one;

The Chuckle Brothers ratings were never the same after their American Tour with the NWA.

Am still selling loads of stuff on eBay, but the Easter hols have knackered up when I can post the stuff out, which is annoying as I've got at least 5 items to post tomorrow afternoon. Should be fun.

Another Link For The Hell Of It

Avoid The Stomping - try to survive as long as possible as a bird, while an elephant randomly tries to stamp on you. Absolutely pointless fun.

The Solar Death Ray - Absolute physics genius, with an actual working weapon :D

Yet More Shinanigans

2005-03-23T23:59:00.000-08:00

With the Mr Men....this is getting harder lol :)

Gérard Depardieu on the set of "Asterix And Obelix"

Blimey, been busy on eBay. I'm now selling 16 or so items, which I've added onto eBay yesterday (see my stuff on eBay here, nout like a free plug :D), plus I'll be putting a load of books on there too, which are currently in storage (mainly Discworld titles). I've got ALOT of them to go, so that should keep me busy this afternoon.

Was channel hopping on my freeview box last night, and was on a channel called "F TN". Basically the Bravo channel of the freeview box world, and it had some funny stuff on there. Watch the beginning of a program called "Sin Cities 3", where this guy went on tour around all the seedy parts of the world to see what is out there. He was in Holland, and was invited onto the "Bang Van" last night. Now this was odd, yet actually quite funny. This announcer ended up having a driving tour of the city, while someone made a porn film 2 foot away from him with a girl he picked up in the street a few minutes earlier. The announcer was intently looking out of the window and commenting on the local arcitecture etc, while this couple were fecking themselves stupid, and was actually quite funny.

Last but one day for the Sianmeister, she's off to pastures new, and I'm not calling here a cow with that comment (even if she has got a better job lol). She's sitting opposite me now, sulking into her monitor (most probs because she's still here, this place is like Terps for the brain). Oh well, only one day left you lucky git, stop moping!!!!!

Been working on a team pic for the lads in here....have pretty much finished one, and will post it soon. Nothing to get excited about really, unless you know the guys I work with, otherwise it's just a bunch of n00bs looking stupid in a big piccy lol. Otherwise, will type to you soon :)

Omg crap link time;

The Mr Men Official Homepage - Ok.....now I'm bored. Why have I found this fecking site? OH yeah, to convert them all to famous peeps. There's alot on there though...gonna take me some time.

The Mr Men Saga continues...

2005-03-23T01:44:00.000-08:00

Nothing could make Indiana Jones Happy, so I did

Ello again peeps, how do? I've sold me phone on eBay for £60, but I'm selling more....putting more stuff on there as I type this up. Dammit, I'm skint this month. And because of this, I'm missing out on alot of stuff I really wanted to do. For a start, there's Sian in work with us who'se leaving do is this Saturday. I would like to go, but I can't afford a Mars Bar, let alone a working lunch with them. Secondly, there's me Best Man's birthday the following week. I can't afford nout for that either. Then there's the wife's birthday the week after. Oh feck.

And that's not including Easter and me mum's birthday either. Oh feck feck.

Cmon ebayers ffs!!! Click here and buy like feck. I'm in a selling mood at the moment, as I don't really have a choice.

So I'm going to do the same when I get home too me thinks...will stick some old PC games on there just for the sake of it.

I hate money. Money is almost like the physical embodiment of greed. I hate it. Yet I need it too, which pishes me off even more. The banks don't help either. They very happily offer you as much as possible, with not that much care in the world, and they don't care if you drop yourself in the brown stuff at all. Fecking annoying stuff.

Oh well, gotta get on with work now, so tarra liek.

Let's Av Some More

2005-03-22T01:01:00.000-08:00

Been busy over the last few hours....trying to sell some stuff off eBay as I am royally skint, plus have been doodling on MS Paint as per normal too.

Sharoooooon!

Random Link Of The Day

Blimey...got a few today :D

Annoying Grid Game - You click once, and get a chain reaction. I've managed to get one which was in the thousands too, if you don't beleive me click here.

Finger Twister ONLINE - Awesome game of monitor Twister, great for drunk occasions lol.

Kitten Flash Movie - For best results have sound, otherwise still really funny Flash movie about kittens NSFW!

After the success of Ozzy above, I've decided to see how many others I can make using Mr Men :) Should keep me busy. Well, it's either that or work lol.

Just a few then :p

Now I've already done Mr Tickle, so I need to do one for Mr Greedy next. Will get started straight away.

Also, last night in work, I looked around the desk with idle curiosity, and one of the guys on our team called Neil was doing something quite odd. He was actually eating a Wether's Original WITH A SPOON. what the le feck?

EDIT;

2nd Superstar Conversion to a Mr Men

Hint; she's engaged to Peter Andre and up the duff :D

Do I Need To Say It?

2005-03-20T23:48:00.000-08:00

Ohhhh, what a result :D

Well well well. Just to annoy the English a bit, we've heard two great bits of rugby news this weekend. Obviously the main one has to be that Wales have won the Grand Slam in style, beating Ireland in an impressive game on Saturday. They seemed in control of the game from early on, waiting for the mistakes to be made, and taking advantage with clinical determination. Nout against Ireland mind you, but Rhys Ivans (Welsh actor etc) said that "it was a shame to have to beat Irealand, as the Welsh get on with them so well. It would have been far better to hammer the English to do it instead on the last game." Can't say that I don't agree with them, would have been far more fun. Cmon :D

The other fact is that Wales are now officially ranked higher than England :D Ohhhh, that smarts :D

Other news, got stuffed at pool last night (even though I won me game, tut tut).....we played a group of Welsh International pool players in Gorseinon and lost 6-2. Believe you and me, it was a good result to walk away with any points at all from that, as two of the games were them breaking off and clearing up 1st shot. Most of our team had 1 shot all night, and the seven game match was over in an hour (and that included the time to eat sarnies and drink too) and I was home by 9pm.

Still......Wales won :D

Random Link Of The Day

The Incredible Machine Flash Game - Cool flash game to keep you busy :)

Also;

The New Star Wars Episode 3 Trailer - Blimey. Now I don't want to stick me neck out when I say this....it looks sweet. Really sweet. Much more sweet than the 1st and 2nd put together. YOU MUST WATCH THIS. NOW. DO IT!

DS....goood!

2005-03-16T01:55:00.000-08:00

Got me DS, and have spent the majority of the time on it. Rather sab, but it's damn good. Good enough that it's kept me away from me Blog. Oh well.

Rugby was good, Wales are the only team on for the Grand Slam. We can't say they haven't earnt it either; we beat the World Champions England in the first game, and have gone from strength to strength since then. Last weekend was a bit ropey though; that 2nd half was awful, but the lads did win it in the 1st half in fairness.

On for the Grand Slam though, which aint a pipe dream anymore and will be one hell of a Saturday if (I'm saying if, lol) we beat Ireland in the Millenium Stadium. Before the Six Nations I did call that Wales were going to do well in the tournament, as we had great games with South Africa and the All Blacks before-hand. Cmon the Cymru!!!

Did a car boot sale last saturday. NEVER AGAIN. It may be ok to go down to a boot sale to buy stuff, but unless you're a fecking narcissist and love stress NEVER SELL IN A BOOT SALE. You will be haggled by grannies who want stuff for free, people who say they can't afford anything then give you a twenty pound note and want change, and the usual pick pocketers who doss about. We got there at 5.45am, and left at about 11.20am, and had seen rain, sleet, snow, hail and almost a real strong wind during that time. I was fecking freezing. All the stuff we sold basically got us about £200 though, which wasn't that bad. But I will NEVER DO IT AGAIN.

Must......force.....myself.....to....finish............blog.

Random Link Of The Day/Week/Whenever

Mofaha's Site - an artist who posts regularly on the B3ta website. He's done some very very good work though;

iPods in zoos are not a good idea.

Will post again shortly :p

Yet Another Thursday...

2005-03-10T00:37:00.000-08:00

...and there'll always be more, even when we're gone, there'll always be Thursday. Feck me I'm morbid.

Ohhhhh, 1 day until I pick up my Nintendo DS tomorrow, cmon :) Taken it's bloody time. Even Austrailia have had this before the UK this time around, and they are famous for having things about a year after everyone else (except for Fosters Ice). Oh well though, it's not as if I'm paying for it though :)

Me wife last week called me a mange. What is a mange? Feck knows. Sounded funny though.

Random Link Of The Day

Bizzare news story

Ok, this is an odd one. A guy accused for killing his ex-wife's boyfriend sent a letter from his prison cell to a Murphy Smith, and when the investigators caught up with him it turns out that Murphy is a dog :D What that guy was doing sending a letter to Murphy in the first place is anyone's guess, but that's still fecking odd.

What a sickeningly cute murder witness lol

Speaking of dogs........it's that time of the year again! That's right, the world famous Crufts Dog Show is in Birmingham for 4 days, strutting their stuff the way that only dogs which have been abused for a couple of years straight can. Has anyone seen the film "Best In Show"? Brilliant pish take comedy version of an event in America very similar to this. As well as taking the mick out of the whole dog ritual they got some great people in it too, like Eugene Levy who's character actually has got two left feet, and talks about when he was a kid he used to walk in circles until he was dizzy lol.

Random Link Of The Day Part 2

The Bird Party

Basically, a girl scoured the chatrooms to find the most perversed saddo blokes she could find, and tried to see what she could get sent to her, and she's listed the results. Very funny :D

I'm off now to prepare for weekend, oh yes indeedy :D Oh, and the fact that I'm typing this in work too lol.

EDIT; forgot to mention this from last night. I was speaking to one of our customers last night, trying to fix his computer for him, and we were waiting to reboot the computer. He says "Oh, I've just gotta run to the toilet, won't be a minute." I say its ok, and things go quiet for a few seconds. The I hear his voice saying to me "I'm glad I got one cordless phone here." He's speaking to me, while trying to have a piss. I'm not impressed. I say "Put the phone down outside the toilet, and please don't talk to me while you're peeing sir if it's all the same to you." Dirty bastard.

Ok, Serious Posting Time Now

2005-03-09T00:55:00.000-08:00

Right, I haven't done a serious blog entry in ages (ok, a week n half) and I should really pull me finger out of my ass and type something.

No really, I should.

Odd Link Of The Day

Weirdos In Costumes

Now there's an odd link. This is to do with video games, but not to be ignored by the casual observer. If you buy a video game of any type and enjoy playing the game, what is the first thing you do? Do you;

Tell your mates about it, recommending the title for them to play it.
Play the game online, against other players.
Find out about any extras or tips for more enjoyment out of the game.
OR DRESS UP LIKE A GAME CHARACTER AND PARADE AROUND THINKING YOU LOOK COOL, WHEN IN REALITY YOU LOOK A COMPLETE TWONK.

Guess which option the guys on that website took :)

Well, last week was fun. Got drunk alot, went to a pool match which was covered in the smell of blow, and got threated by one of our own team after the match, because I made a complaint about the blow. There are some real tossers out there, for shame. Also one of the locals in our pub got 27 months for something, which was interesting. Can't be arsed to type about it though.

Got an odd but rather fun end of the week coming up. This Friday morning, on the way to work, I will be picking up my reserved Nintendo DS system. For £140 I can get the machine with any two games, which is just as well as my local computer games outlet owes me £138 :D I will be whistling to the tune of £1.89 for a DS and two games, oh yes, I will be whistling.

This saturday's going to be interesting for us as well.....I'm going to a car boot sale!!!! I've got so much crap to sell it's almost unreal. Except it is. Like. Got a load of videos, DVDs and fairly old PC games to go, and most probs looking at about £500 back if most of it goes (and that is a fair assumption). The only thing I don't like about this idea though, is the fact that on saturday morning I've got to wake up at 5am. My first official saturday off work, and I'm up before the milkman. Fecking hell. I finish work the night before at 8.45pm, I'm gonna be fecked. Still, can't grumble when you're skint though, ho hum.

Blimey, did you hear the business with the IRA last night, offering to shoot the killers of Robert McCartney for the McCartney sisters? That's a bit daft, considering that they've been trying to force through a peace process for so long. The sisters did rightly say no though, but imagine if they didn't? Everyone at a news conference, and they offer that to the sisters and they go "Yeah, all right then." Would be like the Roman Empire all over again. Jerry Caesar Adams points his thumbs down and the killers are thrown into a lionpit, for everyone's amusement. Barmy offer though, no wonder everyone's ridiculing it.

What else has been going on? Michael Jacko's case is still going strong; it now turns out that the kid who apparently witnessed Jacko abusing a child was found to have lied in a previous case under similar circumstances. That kids gonna get crucified in the court, and quite literally if half the Americans can get they're hands around his throat. Oh dear.

Random Picture Of The Day

Classic, front page post on B3ta

I'm Off For Another Week

2005-02-24T02:15:00.000-08:00

Next week, I'll be off-work and offline for a while, as me and the missus are taking some time out and getting away from it all for a bit. What I am thinking though, is that when I come back online I'm going to do something a bit different. In fact, I have got an idea, which involves something on Jeccy's Den to a certain degree too, but more about that at a later date.

Some basic facts about the UK; the Royalty have been having barmies again, what with Charles and Camilla getting married somewhere else. Where that somewhere else is is still undetermined (loads of public rumours surround this), but apparently the Queen has told them that she's not going to the service. Stuck up cow, it's your bloody son, do you want him to be miserable (ok then, more than normal)? The pillock.

"Knock knock."
"Who's there?"
"Michael Jackson."
"Michael Jackson who?"
"Congratulations, you're on the jury."

Not going to say anything about the case, it's just that that joke made me smile a bit.

The Simpsons have announce that they are having their first gay character (even though the character has been in the show for years), in a recent episode. See an article here on the BBC news site telling you who the gay character is, as the surprise is too much. Ok, maybe not.

Otherwise, here's a picture of shorty from work, super-imposed on Crazy Frog.

If it doesn't work, it's cos the ntl FTP servers are on the blink (joy!)

Hmmmmm....Challenge Time

2005-02-24T01:49:00.000-08:00

A few days have passed since I last posted anything. Updating a blog when you work a monotonous job is kinda difficult, even if it's just to find something to talk about. When you do there same thing over and over again, the topics which you can grab are fewer and fewer, and you start sounding like a party political broadcast, which I hate. So......something needs to be done about this. I need to think of a sure fire way of getting by, day to day, in the Land of Jeccius. But it can't be via the use of a gimmick though; it has to be something geniune, original, and not commonly used, if only to stand out from other blogs.

Feck me, challenge time.

So, what can I do then? I'm not bothering with the normal questionnaire, or a pub quiz as such, oh no. What I'm proposing is this;

Ask me to find or draw (yep, you read it right) something funny relating to a topic of your choice. The topic must not be smutty, must not be blue or incredibly rude, before I attempt to attack it and display my results on the next post. I've done some different pics on my other basic site, which is Jeccy's Den. Should be fun :)

For any blogger who does this, I shall add their link on the right-hand side of the web-page, and promise to make an effort to read it as well (unless it's written in Flemish).

PS - no cocks will be used in the pictures. Nor jugs or the furry cup. Sorry to disappoint.

Oh The Pain!

2005-02-21T00:40:00.000-08:00

Hate going into work Monday morning. I've gotta do stuff like wake up, and remember that I've got to earn money for the bills. I am completely tired though, had a good drink fest on saturday, and didn't get to rest properly on Sunday morning either, so I is cream-crackered.

What's happened then? David and Victoria Beckham's had a new sprog named "Cruz Beckham". This has stirred some crud up in the news, including the fact that in Spain, the name Cruz is mainly for girls lol. Apparently the experts think they named him Cruz so he would fit in. That kid is going to be beaten badly at school lol.

Random Piccy Of The Day

"We're being hunted..."

I made that in MS Paint, dead chuffed :) I'll post it on B3ta late me thinks; they are running a competition on what fox hunters will do after the ban (click here to see the entries).

Yey, just found out that work have conned us out of a pre-arranged shift swap, and changed they're minds last minute. We were told that we would work a 32 hour week for the same pay as 37, but lose our 6 month bonus (for working the split shift rota). So we've lost our bonus, but are still working the full 37 hours instead. What a bunch of wankers.

Last But One Saturday In Work

2005-02-18T12:46:00.000-08:00

Hmmmmm, now this is odd, work have re-arranged the shifts so that we are now from 2 weeks time not working weekends at all. About fecking time too, I need my beauty sleep (and for an ugly bastard, I need alot of sleep) :D

Spent alot of last night editing my old Jeccy's Den website, just to practise basic HTML, and also to tidy up the amount of crap I've dumped on my webspace. For once, it's looking mostly sorted and alot tidier. Not the webpage, but the webspace I'm keeping it on. Makes a change though; it used to look like my sock drawer.

Damn tired this morning, first time I've had a drink on friday night in ages. Feeling it this morning though, even though I only had 2. Was awake until 1am last night though, then up at 7. God damn.

Random Link Of The Day

Mongy Chops Cheery Tomato - Brilliance, but a bit distasteful if you are easily offended :D

Soz for shortness, and will post again on Monday.

Yey For Everything

2005-02-18T00:40:00.000-08:00

Microsoft have had to retract 14 million Xbox power cables as there are fears that they may set themselves alight.

See Sony, it can do that as well!

It's a big day today. Eastenders kills off Dirty Den. Again. Wooo. Haven't the BBC got any better ideas though? Even though I gave up watching it 5 years ago as it became so incredibly far-fetched I thought I was watching an episode of the X-Files. Car chases and people threatening to commit suicide, car bombs and shootings. Just like your normal community. Bollocks it is. But still, tonight there are three women who attack Den, and one of them kills him. Then apparently they bury him under the Queen Vic. Oh the irony of it all. Like. The TV critics have lapped this all up, and are loving all of this conspiracy stuff. Personally, I think Dot did it. I mean look at the pic below, she means trouble.

"Alreet, I've drawn you a Pirate" - LIES

But I don't let these things get to me, you know. I take things in my stride. Like.

Other news, Prince Charles and Camilla have cocked up royally (ahem), when trying to book they're wedding. They've only booked it in a place in Guilford town centre lol. I mean a hall in the middle of a street in the town centre as well; there's a newsagents a few doors down ffs. I bet the Queen has flipped her lid :D

On the B3ta newsletter this week, they have posted a link to the hardest url challenge that I have ever tried. If you like your puzzles, check this bastard puzzle out. I got to the 5th screen and was totally stumped.

I don't mind the occasional brain work-out, but that puzzle is the equivalent of a frontal lobotamy. I got to stage 8 though, which the answer is mukki.htm if you don't believe me.

Also found out why the office printer don't work;

"Who'se been printing Richard Gere stuff?"

Random Link Of The Day

Bunny Suicides - See bunnys commit hari-kari in the best ways possible. Very funny stuff.

Past the Two Thousand Mark

2005-02-16T00:46:00.000-08:00

God knows why though, as all I talk about is bollocks.

Hello rat fans, nnneeeeeeeeeahhh, and welcome to a post-valentine's blog entry. My cunning purchase of a large bouqet of flowers delivered to the wife's work place has saved my balls from being removed from my person, and am now getting food cooked for me on a regular basis again. Hurrah!

What really annoys me is the fact that I have had to type this three damn times, as blogger decided to fall over last night and wipe all of what I typed in. Was about bollocks though, so it saved you alot of pain.

Link Of The Day

Speed Relief

Charity site setup for Comic Relief in conjunction with the BBC, and a real annoying speed racing game. Prepare to curse. My best time so far is 9.270 seconds, but I'm getting quicker :p

Annoying game, but damn addictive

Got 8.759 secs, hurrah! I might do some work now.

What I did type about yesterday was the ban on fox-hunting tonight, but it got deleted (cheers blogger!). So, to reiterate;

In the USA the big court case over there is obviously the Michael Jackson case. Over in the U.K. however, we've got the case of banning fox hunting. Myself personally speaking, I think it's mostly ok that they are banning it. There are some people who legitimately make their livelihood from the hobbie, like hunting supply shops, the dog breeders and stable people who will loose alot of money from this ban. They will loose out alot, which is an unfortunate side-effect of the ban, and the ban is not directly targetting these people. The people which the ban is targetting are the ones on horseback setting 50 dogs onto a small woodland creature, then blowing it's brains out with a shotgun afterwards.

Some of these toffs have bragged about how after the ban they will still continue to do this, as if they are above public opinion. I do have a solution to this issue;

1 - Arrest the toff while in full hunting gear. This is an important factor, which will come into focus later.

2 - Offer the toff two options. Option 1 is to stick him in prison for Cruelty to Animals etc for 6 months, or option 2 is to send him on a reform holiday for 2 weeks in Spain. They should pretty much take option 2 as default, unless they are completely stupid. Heh heh heh.

3 - Fly them over to Spain still in his hunting suit , and invite them into a large enclosed courtyard with a small table and a shotgun, loaded with blanks. The hunter doesn't know this however, as all he can see is a loaded shotgun.

4 - Lock him in there, and release twenty bulls in with him.

5 - Watch how the hunter understand the irony, or just get ripped to shreds, whatever tickles your tastebuds.

Bunch Of Cocks At Play

Down to 8.568 secs now, whooosh.

Also found Puppy Times, a game coming out on the Nintendo DS. Takes tamagochis to a whole new level with this.

Rugby's Going Well

2005-02-14T01:02:00.000-08:00

In the 6 Nations, it looks like it's out of 3 teams at the moment; Wales, France and Ireland. They've all won the first two matches, with France really looking like they had alot of luck in both to be fair. In my honest and non-biast welsh opinion, it's out of Wales and Ireland, which as far as I'm aware is one of the last matches in the tournament too. I'm gonna be drunk that day :)

Anyhows, tis Valentine's Day today, good lordie, and I'm not expecting any kind of cards at all (well except for the card the wife gave me, but that doesn't count really). Knowing my luck, the only card I'd get is one from an inmate called "Bottle Neck Edwards" with a tattoo of Jeccius on his arm ffs. Although I'm making this clear now that I'm not requesting any cards or e-cards from anyone whatsoever (let's see if reverse psychology will get the birds). I never got a Valentine's card in school, which is just as well as I went to an all male's school for five years. One of the teachers winking at you as you open the card, uuurrrgggh.

Do Old People Love Valentine's Day? Do they know it's Valentine's Day? Who knows.

Father Ted used to deal with old people very comically, and included them in some awesome jokes, even if they weren't anything to do with mainstream Father Ted either; like this famous Quiz Presenter on TV doing a quiz show the telly with three granny contestants;

Host - "First question, what is the capitol of England?"

Granny 1 snores, granny 2 looks confused, and granny 3 presses the button.

Host - "Yes?"

Granny 3 - "Oh sorry about that, I leaned on the button."

Host - "I've give you a clue, you all live there."

Granny 2 presses the button.

Host -"Yes Agnes?"

Granny 2 - "Aren't you the man off the television?"

Grannies are amazing. We should be able to train them like Pokemon and battle it out in the Olympics, we really should :D

Completely off on a tangent, I can't believe http://www.cotton.com has got nothing to do with Eastenders; the BBC missed an oppertunity there. They could've made a mint guv.

Odd Thought Of The Day

2005-02-12T00:46:00.000-08:00

Imagine having to explain to the Queen...what Bukkake is. I dunno why I thought of that, hence it being an odd thought. Just in case you're completely innocent and you don't know what bukkake is, here's a link to Urban Disctionary's Definition of it. This is a loose definition mind you, as it refers to that with many people at once usually. Oh dear.

Going back to point though, how would you tell the Queen? She could be there, watching Neighbours, and Harold mentions Bukkake in passing in a pub. Ok, that's highly unlikely, but hey, Harold's awesome and capable of anything :D .There was an urban legend with Harold, where in the Neighbours studio, when they have public tours of the sets, they are walked around by one of the cast, and then there's a question/answer session at the end. On one particular tour, Harold got to the question/answer stage, and some cheeky kid asked "Harold, why are you so fat?". Quick as a flash, Harold replied "Because everytime I bang your mother, she gives me a cookie." I so want that to be true, amazing :) .But going back to the point (again), the Queen turns around to the butler, and ask's "Jeeves, what is Bukkake?". He can't really lie to her, I mean she's the Queen, you get hung for decieving a monarch. Plus you never know, she might like the idea, everyone to themselves. So, Jeeves pretty much mumbles his way through the conversation, skitting across saying the inevitable, until he's backed himself into a verbal corner and blurts out nervously "Blokes jizzing on bird!" before he can stop himself. That would be funny as feck :D

Still, it's bukkake season, as Valentine's Day is around the corner, so what do you buy the perfect girl who has everything?

Make Valentine's Day Special

All This Charles And Camilla Bollocks

2005-02-11T01:45:00.000-08:00

"Sound Wave", the South Wales no1 radio station did a public text-in poll this morning, asking listeners if anyone actually give a toss about the couple getting married. The results were rather unsurprisingly 99% said no lol. The politicians and upper class people for some unknown reason really have a problem with Camilla, as in not wanting her to be known as a Queen. Both Charles and Camilla are divorcee's, so some countries may complain a bit to have a modern age monarch. I personally couldn't give a rat's arse, as what they choose to do is entirely up to them. Most news reports and TV programmes think it's like Big Brother, and are asking the public to vote wether they should get married or not. To be honest, what has it got to do with them? Go for it Charles, you old gardener.

Did decide on something yesterday though, I'm gonna get a Nintendo DS. I've actually played an american one of the DS, and seen a Japanese PSP too. Played some games on the DS though, and they are well cool. The beauty about this though is that I currently have £140 credit with a local computer shop, so I can just waltz in on the release day, pick on up for £99, with a game for about £25-£30, and pay feck all for it lol. Just to annoy the other people who are queuing :) A good website to see all these running is http://www.gametrailers.com , where they place trailers for all up and coming games for us to view free of charge.

Link Of the Day

Pet Clothes!

I've said it before and I'll say it again, dressing up dogs is just wrong. A collar is fine, but a full pyjama spread is just fecking nuts.

No, no, no!

Ikea is Fun!

2005-02-10T01:16:00.000-08:00

Last night, at midnight to be presice, saw the opening of the U.K.'s largest Ikea store in London. Oh dear. Now the reason that I say this, if you haven't heard already, was because of this BBC article covering the disaster of an opening day. Between 4-6,000 people turned up, and within half an hour of opening the doors, a load of people were crushed and injured in the rush, and one person actually STABBED another outside the store as well ffs. No wonder it was closed half an hour later. Sounds like grannies and the mention of a Christmas sale.

Furniture sale? FIIIIGGGGHHHHTTT!!!!

Christ, you normally only ever see this in horrible football disasters of history past, not in a fecking furniture outlet. I suppose if enough people got a passion for something, they will put themselves and others in harms way to show it, even if in this case it was a passion for Amorf Wilton Rugs priced £3.90 (reasonably priced too).

Still though, it's only a furniture store ffs, they may as well stick to Argos for the next few weeks until the crowds calm down, with Argos's patented "Lamenated Book Of Dreams" (that phrase was patented by Bill Bailey, not Argos lol). I know people take fashion and home-design seriously, but we never see Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen and Handy Andy duking it out in a full-on streetfight, just for some new curtains.

Found this,Pips Rubberfeet, who posts alot on B3ta and regularly gets frontpage pictures on the site, v good artist. Here's an example;

Damn freaky rabbit

Weird Link Of The Week

A Bible's Lesson On Gays

Was sent this by Keith in work, can you believe that someone actualy drew this for educational purposes? That's the difference with Catholic schools nowadays, always putting in the extra effort :D

Lots of News and Rugby :D

2005-02-07T01:14:00.000-08:00

So....Wales won :D I called the result before the match, that it would be close but Wales would do it, finally beat the English with style, and we did too. Utter brilliance :D

I've got the Rugby out of the way, now back to business.....

What's the deal with Burt Reynolds? Having a facelift in his 60's is not the best idea. I mean alot of seniors in Hollywood opt for this, but blimey, look at what they look like. Sly Stallone's mum is a classic example; after she had the op she became swollen and ugly as sin, plus a bum expert (had her own face as a template apparently).

But what does Burt look like now?

A Pishartist's Impression

That's right, he looks like a fecking Thunderbird. According to a poll that I just made up Burt Reynolds is more plastic than Mastercard. His face currently looks more buttocks than botox. Tis a shame really, as he is a great actor from the 80's, and stuff like Boogie Nights was great to pro-long his career, but by doing this he seems to have lost alot of his public dignity. For shame Burt!

PSP or DS?

Hmmmmm....stumped.

Which one do I buy, a PSP or a Nintendo DS? I've got £140 credit with a local computer store, waiting for the release date, but I don't know which one to get. So many good features on both, that I can't decide. Whatever happens though is that I will have one by next month. Oh well :D

I'm still rough. This flu aint gone yet, and it's been over a week. My nose is streaming, and I've coughed up a load of colours already this morning. I think the main problem I've had is that I haven't stopped in the last week. I've been feeling rough, and have not rested in the slightest. For example, the sunday just gone I was off work, but I was up at 8.30am, at 9.30am was at my Dentist's house trying to fix his PC. From there, at 10am we went shopping, and got home at approximately 2.30pm. After an hour of putting and sorting all the shopping away, we tidied the flat for an hour. At 4.30pm, I sat down for an hour, then got carted off to a pool match a few miles away. I got in at 11pm, and was absolutely bolloxed tired. Another nasty side-effect of this flu, is that I can't drink otherwise I will feel hell of alot rougher. Maybe because I'm not drinking is the reason that I feel rough...now there's an alcoholic thought :)

Saying that, blimey, I almost became an alcoholic. I went through a stage about 7-8 years ago where I used to drink alot of straight vodka every time I went out. That stopped suddenly one morning, where I woke up and saw spiders on the ceiling, running from left to right. I've never seen anything like it in my life; I was hallucinating spiders ffs, and I didn't spend a penny on LSD either. I didn't touch alcohol for 7 months after that, as I was basically too scared to touch the stuff. I have a drink every now and again now though, but only in moderation as compared to the beer monster I used to be. Besides, can't fffing afford the drink at the moment lol :D

Next week, I take up smoking just to quit it and say how better I am than everyone else :D

Link of the Day

If you are one of the cocks with an iPod, impress your friends with this . How to replace the battery icon with a knob. Great :D

Yey, got a Comment

2005-02-01T01:59:00.000-08:00

from someone called Chad Rutger, bless him. Ever heard of a German called Chad before? Nope? Neither have I. Next up, Bradley Von Stikerhoffen wants to throw me in the Thames :) Chad, unless you're coming onto me, stick to the single-white-female blogs, which you're obviously used to (otherwise cheers for posting matey).

Almost over the cold now....the lockets and the lemsip aint touched it though. May as well been eating ice-cream ffs. This may sound a bit disgusting, but the main reason why I know I'm almost over this, is because I'm coughing up brown mucas. Quality. Every time I've had this kind of cold before, on the last two days I cough up the brown stuff, and I'm fine after that. I started doing this this morning. Yippee. You can tell the joy's there can't you?

I feel fecking awful again.....finding it hard to type and work seperately, let alone together. I've cut the bottom of my nose because it's dried up too much from blowing it, I just perferated one of my ear-drums from blowing me nose too hard, and I feel like I'm going to vomit. The 3rd one could just be because I'm in work; it's always made me feel sick :p

Link of the Day

Anyone for Rocky?

Top notch 'n' classic stuff :D

Hooray for Headcolds

2005-01-31T01:15:00.000-08:00

...but first;

Classic :D

Blimey. Last night, we had our Sunday league pool match, and lost 7-1 to a cracking team. As well as me being the only one to get the point for our side, we all felt rough to a certain degree regardless. Me more so, as when I got home and layed down, my nose and throat almost immediately filled up, and due to not being able to breathe, I've had 1 hour sleep. Am not actually that tired, which is a bit surprising, but my eyes are burning, and I sounds like I've been snorting glue for a month. Bumper fun :)

Watched the Exorcist again the other night, god that film makes me laugh. It's even funnier when you watch it while drinking Dr Pepper and Vodka :D. The famous "Feck me Jesus feck me" scene turns into a source of endless amusement. Still though, in the 70's it would have been some pretty strong shit watching this, they never had good horror films like "Nightmare on Elm Street (1st one)", anything with Arnie in it or "Legally Blonde". Psycho was the only thing really cutting it close, hence the duck piccy above :D

Speaking of 70's-80's horror stuff, whatever happened to "Tales of the Unexpected"? Oh aye, forgot, Roald Dahl died :). That was a collection of misery, and stupid short stories made to film, all of which contained some kind of twist, which you mostly saw coming from a mile off, even if you were seven years old like I was at the time. I always remember that crap jingle music at the beginning, what with the crap naked dancer silhoutte on the red background. Fecking arse it was :D

The silhoutte girl at the start was the closest the dads got to soft porn in the 80's

Link of the Day;
Flirt in a Skirt Charity Day
Any blogger out there who see's this link, click on there and post one comment. For every comment posted on her site today, she will personally donate one dollar to the tsunami relief fund god bless her. I am also the 1st person to currently post a comment on there too, god bless me :D

EDIT: also, if you're a Little Britain fan click on this and tell me it's not Vicky Pollard (NSFW).

Fun on Sundays :)

2005-01-30T04:52:00.000-08:00

On Sunday morning, completely hung over from a Dr Pepper/vodka drinking binge until 2am last night, and am typing this up from my mother's house lol. Aye, I call up there to visit them, and end up using their internet to write a blog. No hope, isn't there?

I suppose I'd better type something while I'm here.....

Watched half of Meet the Fockers yesterday...funny that :D

Diets have been a fairly big topic around us for the last few days. I'm meant to be going on a diet, som's the wife, so's me dad, my sister will most probs get on the band wagon, and so is one of me mates, who has lost ALOT of weight. He used to be really large, but in the last 6 months he's lost so much weight, that his waist is down to a 36, which is smaller than mine. He's a taller blokey though, and since school has always been a bit on the large side. Ohhhhh, if only I were gay slurp :D

Anyhows, enough bollox, I'll type proper tomorrow :D

Half Way Through Training

2005-01-25T01:10:00.000-08:00

Am included in a 24 man 5 day training course at the moment, for an older but well established product with our company. Is not going too badly actually, been quite a laugh. Makes a change here :)

Found some crazy stuff for you all first up; Pets Mobility . Do you want to provide money to petition for pets with mobiles? Look no further.

That's one big pile of shit.

Right, where've I been? I don't know. What have I been doing? I don't know that either. What I do know though, is that it's Friday, so I'm due a pishup tonight, which is cool :D

Considering that I've been working a 9 till 5 week (which is much better that the normal 9-12 5-9 format), I'm still quite exhausted by the amount of crud we've had to learn in work, and putting it into application is a mixture of knowledge and luck I've found. My first job (estimated at 12 minutes) took 50, while at one point a shouted and thumped the keyboard twice. I can see I'm going to enjoy this. Joy. Just like the old job. Still though, I must have done something else this week. Let's see;

1 - Re-wired my PC and fitted a new (ish) Radeon 9800 PRO into it. I was lucky to pick up the card 2nd hand, and it runs like a dream compared to me last one, which was a 128meg GeForce 4 Ti4200. Am well impressed with it, and it most probably helps that unlike the GeForce card, it wasn't absolutely full of dust and stopping the cooling fan from spinning. Blimey that card was stinking. I've got to go through my PC with a vacumn cleaner, I swear to god. There's more dirt in her than in the papers. In one of my older jobs, I worked with over-the-counter computer sales and support. One particular day, I was asked to check out this customer's PC as it was reknowned for being mortifyingly dirty. The customer knew this, and it was obviously some kind of running joke with him and the management with this, which was just as well. The PC Tower was sparkling white, and he bragged about how he made sure he'd cleaned the PC before bringing it down to the store. We popped the lid open on the counter......and it was the inside of a vacumn cleaner bag. Stinking wasn't the word. And to top it off, a SPIDER got out and walked across the counter in front of us. We laughed the guy out of the shop.

2 - Packed up my PS2, and I'm selling it. Got a load of games, which I haven't played in yonks on it at all. Too busy playing Mercenaries on the Xbox to care to be honest, top notch stuff. PAcked it up, and it's currently looking for a new home.

3 - Built a cupboard, and cut my hands to shreds.

4 - Played Mercenaries to death. Basically GTA in North Korea, classic game. Got most of the Clubs (deck of 52 terrorists, each area is a suit), and putting in bids for the Ace of Clubs very shortly.

5 - My website is past 1000 hits! Although it most probs was before I added the counter, but it's good to see the numbers on there going up :D

6 - Working too.

Been ill a few times over the last few months, and now today I'm having a meeting about it. In fairness, they did tell me to "try not to be ill", and I got the flu bad three days later (bloody typical). So I'm going to that later on. I'm really not fussed about this at all, as the worst thing they can do is give me a warning, which will not affect my job whatsoever. Tis all paperwork I suppose.

Heard that someone local got pulled over by two traffic cops locally, because a kid in his car saw the coppers, and decided to flick V's and pull faces at them. Once pulled over, the car was found to not be taxed and insured, and shouldn't have been on the road. I bet that kid go hammered lol
One other thing; I watched a documentary the other night about something quite bizarre. People who suffer from disorder called Prada Willi Syndrome, which is very serious in it's suffers. The only reason that I'll laugh, is because I typed the word Willi lol. But seriously :p people who suffer from this are affected by the way they eat, and they're metabolism rates. And when I say affected, I mean sufferes think that they are starving to death ALL THE TIME, and they're metabolism is such that it's four times harder to lose weight with it too. God's little joke me thinks. Before any of me mates say it, I'm not a sufferer of this, although I do ice-cream binge every once in a while :D. In the doumentary, they followed the lives of 3 families who have a child who suffers from this. One girl in America, and two boys in the UK. They had this guy aged 23, who was 31 stone. And although he was trying to diet, he was basically killing himself. He was going to football matches, and was hogging the hot-dog stand. The only thing I could really say about this, was......um....I bet he could shit.

Racist Ron's Been At It Again....

2005-01-22T01:18:00.000-08:00

....read this Sun article.

Me and a couple of lads in work have been discussing basic joke racism in conjunction to this article. I've personally thought that there is two main versions of racism;

1 - People who hate other cultures. This is the one which most people understand, and when implemented is dealt with most harshly (which it should be, unless there is an actual legitimate reason for this source of hate, which would have to be a bloody good reason).

2 - People who see racism at every quirk or sentence which they hear. For example, if you said something about a group of coloured people handing out leaflets like "I've never like them", someone will interpret this you hating coloured people, rather than people who hate peeps who give out leaflets, as the leaflets tend to be about something crud most of the time. Stupid leaflet givers.

The most serious of the two is the first one obviously; hate-crimes are not required whatsoever due to pathetic discriminations, let alone now in the 21st Century. But the second point is something which, when tied in with political correctness, can be just downright picky. The article above was a drunk ex-football pundit Ron Atkinson telling a joke in a party. A bit daft, yeah he had a dig at the Chinese, but it doesn't mean that he hates every single Chinese person on the planet. It means he said something a bit funny, but slightly bad if you were Chinese that's all. He doesn't personally hate them all. Admittedly if I was him I wouldn't go for a Chinese for the next few months, if only to avoid spit sauce from the compares. If he wasn't famous though, reporters wouldn't have battered an eye-lid at the joke, and most probably laughed themselves.

Another example which was a few months back, was that someone tried to change the names of primary and secondary hard drives etc, because using the terms "Primary and Slave drives" was deemed dis-tasteful by some old politician. Who the feck cares mate, before you knew what they were called you were still browsing porn.

Alot of people seem to hunt for things to argue about, even when after looking at the whole picture of life, does it make any kind of difference whatsoever? There are people who believethat they need to defend they're beliefs so hard, that any negative comment is a racist attack towards themselves, even if it makes them look like idiots. The Al Queda are a classic example; the west have been against terrorism for sometime, and has played to some political extent in the region for years. The Al Queda famously lashed out to the extreme, killing so many innocent people, then making claims that the west racistly oppresses them. In the eyes of the world however, we see them being racist to the west for this cowardly action. Attacking innocent people in the Sept 11th doesn't mean that we'll all go "Oh yeah, those poor Iraq's got a point." If anything, it will incite more racism to the people who don't understand that it wasn't the full Iraq people who attacked the USA, but just a hand full of terrorists who had lashed out on "religious beliefs". We had problems in the UK after this, as alot of people were basically scared of what the Al Queda were capable of, and alot of them were lashing out at people with links to Iraq (not the Al Queda, but normal Iraq citizens). This really made us not too disimilar to the Al Queda in that respect, what with Al Queda were lashing out at the USA public for what the USA government had decided, as to scared people lashing out at Iraqs because of what the Al Queda had done. Sad sad times.

On a more local note, this racism is still being highlighted, as a local Iraq man was murdered in a cowardly attack on the Kingsway in Swansea. This happened about 2-3 months ago, and the man who done it has been caught, and is pleading for a manslaughter charge (difference being, he claims to wanted to hurt the Iraq guy, no intentions of killing him). There was a huge uprising of local minorities within the area, and further laws have been called into place, all due to the actions of one racist idiot. Still though, it only takes one :(

Back to the point, racism issues are to do with if people actively hate and attack others because of differences, and we can't dub someone a complete racist for making a joke in a pub, as compared to someone who will lash out at others for no more reason that the fact that they are different. I could print about 30 racist jokes back to back, I know quite a few, but I'm not racist at all. I don't hate people for what type they are, it's what people do that make me call them twats, that's the way it should be :D

Still though, bit of a pillock that Ron is lol :D

Ron - the People's Champion (if we were all racists apparently)

When I was back in school, I was bullied by a few people, including a coloured kid called Ben, who was a good foot taller than me and physically built like a brick shithouse. One particular day, I was in a P.E. class, and in the changing room Ben elbowed me in the back 26 times, while counting them out to the rest of the school. I was in agony, and collapsed down. A few days later, I reported him to the teachers about it, and called him a "black bastard". Not because he was black, but because he hit me 26 times. I was dubbed a racist by the rest of the school kids for the next few months after that. Yet everyone was happy to let Ben carry on as normal, even though he hit me that amount of times, the twat. I'm sure he's changed now, but some people leave school still as the idiots they were when they were there, and those people will never properly learn.

I would like some sort of extra comments on to this, as I'm sure racism is something everyone hears of or suffers from at some point, stick your comments in if ya can be arsed :D

EDIT: just noticed this on BlogClicker;

Blog Clicker insttructions

Now either Blog Clicker use your banner as an example, or every single person who see's this page see's my banner as instructions on how to use Blog Clicker :D

GRINS!!!!

Real Wife Swops

2005-01-21T01:43:00.000-08:00

Channel 5 are at it again. Playing some classic TV shows about Wife Swopping which could be happening up your street, much to the hope of all the single masterbating saddo's in normal suburbia. I watched this program out of disbelief, as a 60 year old couple were showing how their lives have benefitted from wife-swopping. It was like watching your quiet old next door neighbours getting involved with orgies, damn disturbing to a certain degree. Click here for Channel 5's description on this programme.

Just found this...The Local Girl...a very odd but good site. Nout to do with porn either :D

Blimey, finished watching "The 4400" season 1, damn odd ending to it. Was class though, some real nice ideas strung into it. The first to be abducted though, a small girl called Maia is still damn freaky. I was thinking that it was turning from something that could have been very well done to something like Roswell near the end of it though. Oh dear.

Am living off Crunchie Nut Cornflakes and 100cal packets of French Sticks at the mo....trying to limit the amount of crap I've been eating. Apparently men eat more chocolate than women according to a pole (damn Polish, who'd they think they are?), so I must be eating someone else's share :p Seriously though, I've put on alot of weight since working here, about 3 stone in weight in nearly 5 years of sitting in this office. That's alot of excess baggage.

Change of pace, here's some cats playing basketball.

Oh well, am going to carry on with work now, so there :D

Back in work....

2005-01-20T01:34:00.000-08:00

...and I'm not too bad. Looks like since I've been off work has tried to make some changes, which will make work a bit more interesting for us. Hurrah! (for once)

What a strange week I've had. Some real odd things happen, here's one for for starters;

Every Wednesday night our flat tennants place their rubbish outside our downstairs flat window. This is mainly because we are in the front room downstairs, right next to the main road, so we don't have a problem with it. Last night, we did have about 10-15 bags of rubbish there, which were all properly wrapped and sealed up. At 7pm, a delivery van for a very well known UK supermarket pulled up outside our flat, and dumped 10 bags of rubbish outside our flat, then feck off. I'm not going to say which store, but it's definately not Safeways, Sainsburys, Leo's, the Co-op, Spar, Kwik-Save, Lidl or Asda. The bags they used were of their store's too. So I rung them. In fairness, they did try to help, even though they said they'd ring me back this morning, and never did. Gits.

Change of pace.....

Here's a fat kid getting electrocuted

I also heard from one of the locals from our pub, that she paid £90 to visit a hypnotist to help her quit smoking. I'm assuming that the help was to make her skint so that she couldn't afford the cigarettes, let alone resist the urge to light up. The thing about this though was that she was smoking while telling us about it. Must've worked :D

Also on Sunday we had our pool match; a home fixture at our local. I had a bit of a rough day, so I basically started getting slaughtered about an hour before our pool match. We literally had to drag in extras from the pub to play, as we were short of players until just before the match. Yet somehow we still won 8-0. How? Feck knows. Complaining? Hell no, I was pished and still won in the singles and the doubles. Cmon!

One other thing worth mentioning. Tuesday night, I was meant to be going to my mate's 40th birthday bash. That didn't happen. Instead, at 6pm I'm waiting in the flat for the missus to come back from work with my car, so we could get ready to go. Instead, I get a phonecall saying that she's stuck outside work and the car won't start. So I walk to her workplace, and it was bloody cold. Had to walk about 1 'n'1/2 miles uphill in sub-zero temperatures to get to the car, which I started in 30 seconds of sitting in it. We got back to the flat, and pretty much went to bed coughing and wheezing after that. Christ.

Still though, there are some strange bloggers out there.

http://tastykeish.blogspot.com/

Has issues.

Also, I do believe this guy's comments about customer services in general are spot on. So do many others. Well done :p

Almost forgot.....

Just Up Your Street!

Watched this last night; it's like a pish poor version of Pop Idol, and twice as local to us. Last night, they aired the heat for the finalists from the Swansea auditions. One of the finalists, Christian Rae, used to work in a nightclub in Swansea, and used to serve us alot of drink. Nice enough bloke actually, almost bordering on gay though.

Ultimate Farce

2005-01-16T01:36:00.000-08:00

On ITV 1 in the U.K. at the moment, ever saturday night at 9pm, there is a program with more male testosterone than Fatima Whitbread called "Ultimate Force". A series following a make-beleive group in the British SAS, undergoing different missions, ie anything from hostage situations to getting a kebab from High Street. I was a bit pished last night, so I thought I'd watch what it had to offer us last night. Feck me.

Meant to be set in the wilds of Africa, but it looked more like Devon, the team are sent in to take a reporter to meet a rebel leader about something. Immediately even without trying I knew that the reporter was not who he said he was, because it's a man's show (they always have crap plot twists like this). I also knew that something bad was going to happen too, as it would be boring if they went "right, you've met him, cmon let's go home" and that was it. But the funniest bit by far was this;
The local Chief has been going around with a platoon killing anyone who didn't vote for him (because he's evil apparently), and he's attacking a small girl when Ross Kemp bumps into them. The Chief let's go of the girl, and looks worried until another unseen soldier sneaks up and puts a machette under Ross's chin from behind. Ross lowers his gun slowly and stands there. The chief says something evil, then pulls a flick-knife out to kill Ross. In the background, another SAS blokey shoots the guy holding the machette, which in turn flies up in the air. Ross catches it, and in one swift movement hops forward and in the most comedic way imaginable slices the Chief's head off in one fell swoop. My jaw dropped quicker than the Chief's head (due to it's badness), and Ross said something that was meant to be cool like "A little less conversation Chief" and walks off. It was a new low for Saturday night telly.

On BBC1 on the other hand, they have started showing a program called Sea of Souls (not to be pronounced Sea Arseholes), which is actually really good. About a parapsychology department in Clyde University, Glasgow, which has been approached about weird things happening locally. Instead of it being ashoe-string production, the BBC have actually produced something very nicely, which it could have turned out very easily like a bad B-Movie instead.

I've also been shopping; I've bought "The 4400" season 1 on DVD. I had a gut's full from listening to people who got Digital TV telling me how good it is, so I bought the DVD instead. Damn good viewing, I do agree :) If you haven't heard of it, visit the site and find out. In a nutshell though, it's about 4400 people who've been abducted over the last 60'odd years, and when a comet explodes over a lake, all 4400 people re-appear on the shoreline. But they're all not quite the same. Damn good, like re-inventing the X-Files all over again.

I'm still off work though (hurrah!), and am back in this Thursday, so back to bed for me :D

2nd day into the time off....

2005-01-14T01:09:00.000-08:00

.....and the latest that I've woken up is 8.10am. God damn. Yesterday morning I was rudely awakened by the wife because she couldn't start the car to get to work. Obviously putting the key in the ignition was too fecking hard for a woman. Next up they'll be saying they can parallel park, those crazy women.

Last night, I was trying to get to sleep (after coming back from the pub) and the wife got to sleep first. I can't be doing it right then lol. Other than that, I was trying to get to sleep myself, and suddenly in her sleep Adele mumbled "And I've got the tortoise in the other hand". WHAT? Christ, I dredd to think what's in her first hand, if the other's holding a tortoise. Possibly an Otter, or a squirrel even (avoiding the beaver joke, tis my wife I'm typing about here, gotta have some standards). Maybe tortoise is a buzz word for something else even. Oh god.

My wife has a history of yapping in her sleep, which does lead to some amusement. Especially when she's having a full scale argument too (which is great, as I'm not normally involved in these and can just sit back and laugh at her go off on one at nobody). She doesn't sleep-talk as often as she used to though, which is probably just as well.

There again, about a fortnight ago we were asleep, and at roughly 2am I had a nightmare. I was being assaulted by a few burley blokes, and I didn't take too kindly to one of them. In the dream, one of them jumped at me and I gripped him by the throat with my left hand. I suddenly woke up and I'd actually did the same thing to my wife, which scared the shite out of me. She was just awake, looking at me (she realised that I was still asleep when I started doing this thank god, didn't fancy being one of these reject families on Tricia).

Anyhows, 2nd day into my week off, and I'm off into the City Centre to kill off some time me thinks. It's friday morning, my wife didn't need any assistance to start the car, so I think I'll walk it. It's only about two miles from my flat, it's not raining, it's all downhill and I need the exercise so that is what I'll do. Avoid anyone selling the Big Issue etc. Also...there's a place down there where I used to work a few years back, where after four years of employment I was dismissed due to still-undefined-reasons. This place has apparently closed down in the Swansea area. I'm not 100% certain, but theyhaven't been open since at least last saturday. This is just a personal opinion, but.....

PLEASE SAY THEY'VE GONE BANKRUPT, THE SHOWER OF BASTARDS!!!!!

I'm not mentioning the companies name whatsoever, not after companies have started taking blogs seriously (see previous article with the BBC Blog link). This is my personal opinion, and that's that, nothing more. As I've already said, I'm still not 100% certain, but they have definately been closed down over the last week anyroads. I wish I'd gone to the last day it was open though..."Need any help?"...."Nah, just browsing hah ha!" then walk out :D

Has anyone else had any bad experiences with old jobs in the past? Other than myself, and David Blunkett? Stick a comment down if you have, I could do with a laugh :D

Me old work wasn't all that bad though; we all knew how to have a laugh for example. If you take work too seriously all the time, unless you're in the emergency services, you will do yourself an injury. We've seen and done some real funny things though, for example;

One day, the Queen and Phillip were attending Swansea as part of a National tour. The train station was very close-by, and the Queen 'n' Phil jump into their parade car and set off into town, straight past our work. So we go outside, as it's not every day that you see the Queen go past. We're standing there waving, and Phil see's us and waves back, while the Queen has got a look of shock about her as she is soaking in the tramp-piss tainted surroundings. She must've been thinking "I can't own all this, surely? I'll bring some maids with mops next time".

There's one part of Swansea where a few tramps tend to hang out the most, which is up on a road called High Street. Now up there, we've seen the tramps perform many strange and comical tasks, all while getting smashed on bottles of White Lightning cider.

Ah, the amber of the Tramps

White Lightning, or "Wy Li-nin" as the tramps call it, bless them. There's a few types of tramp by us in Swansea. Some of them are aware of the trouble they're in and are trying to do something positive to help themselves (Big Issue sellers etc). Some just drink the Lightning and piss on the centre of a road junction instead. The worst thing I've ever seen, was a tramp go upto the corner of a road junction opposite the train station, and as cars drove past just squatting down by a bush AND HAD A SHIT, much to the delight of all the passers by. Or was that disgust? Hmmm....who knows....

One particular tramp was actually half-reformed, and did odd-jobs for a local cafe, by getting him to do shopping for the cafe every saturday morning. They'd send him down to Iceland, and he'd come back up High Street pushing a trolley pull of bread etc. Now when I say come back up High Street, I mean come back up THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET, not the bloody pavement. He used to walk with cars swerving to avoid a tramp pushing a trolley in the middle of the bloody road, and then he'd walk out into a busy car junction by the train station even if cars were coming at him, and continue to suicide charge at them. Somehow he was never killed.

Tramps locally have provided many hours of entertainment for us, just by the actions some of them do. We've got the famous Dancing Tramp (tm) which appeared in the film Twin Town. Basically he's a tramp who stands outside nightclubs, dances, then tries to get in the club where the doormen just tell him to feck off. Then he goes to the next one and tries again. He's great.

One of them tried to assault me by a bus stop once in the city centre, which didn't work for the tramp in the slightest bless. I was waiting for a bus (as you do at a bus stop, you know, not waiting for a train, that would be daft) minding my own business, and a tramp walked up to me and booted my bag, while fffing and blinding at me. I would've screamed in her face if I could tell where it was, the bin-linered mollusc. Urrrggggh.

1 Day Left Before Lay-in Heaven....

2005-01-11T23:44:00.000-08:00

.....and I cannae wait as well. No time off since before Christmas, and I've become more cranky than Big Cranky, from the Crankies. I can't wait for the time off, as work cannot spring more surprises on me (for example I for some unexplained reason am working half an hour earlier). Why do they spring these surprises on us? Is it to keep work varied, or to accomondate staff who are off on holidays already? Or is it because they play with themselves at night? Who knows?

B3ta have got a good question on this week, Pure Ignorance . People who've said the stupidest of things, very funny actually. I especially liked the chemist one; "Working in a pharmacy....I once got a phone call from a worried mother who had found some tablets in her daughters room, and she wanted me to help identify them. I asked her about the markings and shape etc. 'Well, quite small and white' she said. I asked her if they had anything wrote on the side of the tablet 'treebor' she said. Problem solved, treebor mighty mints d'oh"

So, just what am I going to do over the next week? Apart from waking up at at least a pm, there's one job in my flat, which I'm almost worried about, which is the TIDYING OF THE DVD CUPBOARD. We have a cupboard, where if something doesn't belong elsewhere, it's dumped here. Due to the amount of stuff placed there though, the cupboard has started to take on it's own personality, almost taunting me with it's evil eyes, laughing in the shadows of despair. Ahem. Needs to be tidied. That also gives me an excuse to catch up on half the DVD's I had for Christmas too, like Bill Bailey's Part Troll. I watched half of that yesterday, was laughing like hell at some of the crap he comes out with. The Argos bit is awesome :) I also watched that Chronicles Of Riddick yesterday. Was ok, but was not Pitch Black whatsoever. Action cash-in with a cool main character from a different type of film. Now what can we do with this Riddick bloke? I know, a futuristic version of Conan the Barbarian, while keeping him a bit evil too. That did annoy me a bit. I've heard Hollywood is getting Keyser Soze to do "Cats; the Musical" next. Bunch of twunts.

Still the game kept alot of the feel of the original Pitch Black (if you don't know what I'm on about, check out The Chronicles Of Riddick, and apart from having Vin Diesel doing the voice over, is one of the most non-merciless games you'll ever see. I got that to play this week too GRINS.

Cash-ins tend to mainly happen in games, but have been happening in alot of films recently. When the games market started picking up, alot of companies realised that any TV or film success can be mirrored in a game, regardless of if it was worth the price or not. The most famous of these flop excuse for games was E.T. on the Atari, where the game was so bad that Atari recalled most of the cartridges and buried them in a desert (I kid you not, that is 100% fact). Since Rambo and Commando (christ, that's going back a bit), it seems that the only games which seem worth mentioning are Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and most things Simpsons related (and that's only 2 out the 100's made of Simpsons games). They've always been rubbish. The main reason that the Riddick game works so well, is because they were given the character, and freedom to place him in an unboundaried environment (I mean the Prison called Butcher Bay is only mentioned twice in both Riddick films ffs, you can't say fairer than that). They could create the game which would solely get the best out of the character, and it works very well.

Now films are starting to do the same thing. We've seen film-from-game tie-ins, like Final Fantasy and Mortal Kombat. Which are god awful. The Tomb Raider films are really bad, even the brilliant Chris Barrie can't save it. And as for Street Fighter....god, don't get me started. Fecking travesty.

What a box of cock.

But....when they are made Manga style, they all seem to retain their genius. They are hailed as great films. As an example, I own Street Fighter the Animated Movie, and that is far better than the Van Damme/Kylie combo. I suppose it could be that we, as gamers, are so used to relating to those characters in their original state (ie cartoony with their own look and agenda), that we see some guy who has the strongest Belgium accent playing the part of an American G.I.? It's no wonder that it tends to pish on me chips a bit. They may as well got Tintin to play him ffs. Still, no excuse, as a film it stank bigtime, and for shame on those hated script writers. I suppose the only thing I can say is, make sure you got a script that will work (not one that looks like the game), and people which we don't hate acting it out, and the fans may actually relate to it, you never know :)

Anyways.....I'm still off for a week though. And I've gotta watch my DVD of Street Fighter seven times before I can go back to work, just as an anaestetic for coming back into work if anything else. The NHS should use this DVD, they'd save a fortune in the next budget.

On a seperate topic, just registered on Blogclicker earlier, got a new link on the right-hand side for it too, assigns alot of extra traffic to the site, for the price of browsing other user's accounts. Horray for everything! Like.

2 Days Left In Work.....

2005-01-11T01:19:00.000-08:00

.....then I'm off for a week. Thank christ. This will be my first proper time-off since October time (that's including Christmas, was off for two days for that), except for when I was ill of course. And do you know what I'm going to do? As little as possible. I can't wait :D

Oh god no....Celebrity Big Brother! Another list of hopefuls who really need a career boost have enetered the Big Brother House to entertain people who must be really bored with their own life to watch someone else's. I'm trying to commit suicide at the thought of this with a box of 100 Tic Tacs at the moment, but it doesn't seem to be working. All the Tic Tacs are doing is giving me wind. Let's see who Davina's got this time.

John McCririck - the horse master from Channel 4 Horse Racing is here. Most probably the best celeb in this, he does seem a good laugh and down to earth (well, compared to the other retrobates). You know I mentioned the guy who was dancing in the landlady's PJs (previous article), there's a photo of John McCririck shaking hands and pulling the face with Tommy on the local's billboard.

Germain Greer - a 65 year old feminist who is in it for charity apparently. Roughly translates to rug-muncher ringleader. Well, that's if I interpret it, which is much more fun :)

Bez - except for being named after a hat, Bez is most famous for being a dancer from the Happy Mondays. Must have been a super-sub or something.

Caprice - supermodel Caprice is in the house; she done modelling, she's tried a music career, now she's trying for the wanker's votes, I mean, public's votes (let's be honest, it's only the wankers who will be voting for her).

Lisa L'Anson - a Radio 1 presenter, maybe there's some hope in this program after all.

Jeremy Edwards - or "smug twat" as his friends call him. An actor from Holby City and Hollyoaks, which if you're from anywhere outside the UK you will never see these programs ever, which is just as well. Think's he's Angel.

Jeremy Edwards = Smug Git

Kenzie - Kenzie is one of the guys from Blazing Squad. Is he? Oh well. Apparently according to the Big Brother site he's "looking forward to bringing quite a musical vibe into the house". Blazing Squad are losing out then obviously :p

Brigitte Neilsen - Sly Stallone's ex wife. Oh good lord. What a fecking retrobate. She's basically a horny and rather scary woman, which has lost her 80's looks, and her fame as well. God help Kenzie :)

New Bonus Guest Jackie Stallone - just introduced into the house to stir the crap up, Brigitte's ex mother-in-law is there to wind up Brigitte every time she tries copping onto someone.

So there's the guests, and the T.V. schedule for E4 for the next couple of weeks. They must have run out of re-runs of Friends. I'm sticking to the Cartoon Network.

Over the last couple of posts, I've been travelling into my memories and laughing at times past. There have been some damn funny things which have happened, some of which I'm never going to type on here (just for the fact that me mam reads this blog too, aint she got anything better to do?). I've mentioned some instances of school, and one or two things that have happened in the area. I've seen joyriders changing tyres on stolen cars, people steal in the most blatant of ways in Argos (and get caught too), and had someone wave a gun at me in a pub while crazily saying "there's people out to get me, so I got one of these". Nice bloke. Still though, I've seen some mad things. For example, I used to part-live in a residents on top of a pub in Swansea High Street called The Bush, which at that time was a very popular two floor pub, and I also worked there for a bit too. They had a load of pool tables there as well, which were on the 1st floor. There were a load of windows to the right of these, which overlooked the downstairs roof and the roof of the adjoining building. The 2nd floor had six residents flats, with windows all looking over the same roof. It was a wednesday night before Christmans, around 7pm. I was off work that night and me and my girlfriend at the time were up in the room, and was going to settle down to watch some video. The T.V. video combo were situated right in front of the window, where with the light on in the room I'm silhouted to what's outside in the dark. I glance outside, and see something move on the roof. I turn around to the missus and shout "Turn the light off ffs, there's someone sneaking about outside!". She cuts off the light, and I can see better. What I see is some girl spread-eagled on the roof while some random bloke, while holding a can of carling, is....errm....drinking from the furry cup so to speak (sorry mum!). We glance out the window, and are laughing quite a bit at this. So the missus comes up with a good idea which is "all the regulars are in the pub downstairs, get them up here and give them a show!". So I leggit downstairs, tell all the staff and the regulars, and within a minute that are 13 of us in there glancing outside. Only problem being.......

......there are now three blokes with her. And she's loving it. Dirty little slapper.

The staff run downstairs and bring back THE REST OF THE PUB. We've invaded three of the flats by now for a better view; even the landlady's there watching this. After about ten minutes of this, one of the staff get's bored of watching, open's the window and shout's "Gerrem out!". They all stand up, a bit bemused, and all the windows in the pub open to see us all watching and laughing at them. The three guys stand up, and bow while laughing, and the girl walks away covering her face. One of the barstaff then yelled "Dunno why you're covering you face, we've seen the rest of you!".

So we all go down to the pub laughing, and two minutes later the three blokes from the roof come in for a pint. Quality guys for a quality whore.

EDIT: check this out. Before and after images of the Tsunami from 2 weeks ago, shocking stuff.

Yey for Pool

2005-01-10T01:14:00.000-08:00

The Sunday League Pool season started again last night. Our team had a match in a pub in Brynhyfryd (I bet I spelt it wrong, no vowels ffs). Nice bunch of lads, even though when one of them lost his match he almost smashed his cue up. Pillock. We still beat them though, which is great considering that none of us have played properly in a month. There was one funny thing about it though; there was a fly annoying everyone in the pub. Now with regards to this fly (apart from having flies in a pub, which is always classy), it must have been the stupidest fly imaginable. As one of our guys went to break off in a frame, the fly literally lands on the tip of the cue. As if it's wanting to be crushed between tip and cueball, the fly just waited until he shook the cue about eight times to dislodge it. When I was reffing a match (we have to ref some games each), the fly landed on the side of the pool table. Except that the fly landed UPSIDE-DOWN. And couldn't get back up. How dull have you go to be to land upside-down? There again, it was a pub, maybe it was half-cut.

Anyhows.....

Morning all. Suppose I'd better find some links or sommit....

For shame!

Check this out, click here to play some weird game involving catapulting dogs as high as possible. Tis all in Japanese though, but still fun.

Also found this, which must have taken the bloke ages to do all of these sculptures. Some people just need a hooby, if only for medical reasons.

Christ, had this e-mailed to me by Morris (cheers mate, even though you're name's not Morris), BBC News Article About Blogs. Now even if you're just browsing etc, IF YOU HAVE A BLOG READ THIS BBC ARTICLE FOR FECK'S SAKE. It's a news article about people who write blogs and say information about their own workplace. They give an example of someone who was publishing alot of info about work, work found out and subsequently fired her ass. Now I've been careful enough not to mention the company that I work for during all of my blog so far, and just as well after seeing this. I mean come on, use some sense people! I've taken the line that everyone to a certain degree has bad things to say about work (even if it's just something like "the coffee machine's giving mud instead of amazing instant"). But what you don't do is involve every bastard and the company and publically denounce them from the inside out. No wonder she's landed in a job centre, the pillock.

God, saturday night was a laugh. Went to the local, and one of the resident nutters Tommy decided to dress up in the landlady's PJs and kareoke. These PJs were bright pink silk, and he was also wearing bunny slippers too. He got up and sang Elvis's Teddy Bear, and kicked off the performance by shouting out "Let's kick some shit!". Damn funny bloke :)

Otherwise, apart from the pool match 'n' that, was a pretty lame weekend as such. Had a late morning wake-up yesterday, which is always appreciated. As I'm a lazy git. When I get home today, I do plan to put my feet up and watch "Chronicles of Riddick". Heard it's crap, but hey, life's a learning experience. Just got off the phone to a bloke who after I fixed his problems very quickly, I was greeted with "Thanks love!". No, thank you for ending the call mate, no offence. I don't play football at Home and Away venues if you know what I mean.

EDIT: just been sent this, basically billboards for slapheads. The bigger your slap, the more money you rake in. Great idea, if you're retarded.

Tis A Week Into 2005.....

2005-01-08T01:40:00.000-08:00

....that means there's only 51 left. That was quick.

Started using Blogexplosion properly yesterday (check out the link at the bottom of the page if you have a blog yourself and want to promote it free of charge). The basic concept is that if you browse other people's blogs through them, they promote yours more. Not a bad idea actually, considering that there are thousands upon thousands registered on there. Amazing.

What I have noticed though is that there's alot of blogs about religion. Sod going out and spreading the word, we'll leave that to the blogger to discover us. That's just lazy. Ain't religion all about going out and forcing your opinions upon someone who cannot believe in his/herself but can in an imaginary 3rd party e.g. a deity? Oops, said too much. Ok, I'm only joking about that, honest guv :)

Going back to the point, people are blogging about any old crap. I mean look at this blog. I've been using this like a personal diary for the last few weeks, and it really does put my life into some kind of perspective (as in I've seen some funny shit). I lived in what is considered locally as a rough area for about 10 years (for the locals, a place called Blaen-y-maes in Swansea, look it up). Thankfully I lived in a quiet part of it, and my parents were not pure scum which helped. Alot of the neighbours were nice, even if my old next-door-neighbour's son was a convicted murderer (I kid you not, was involved with the Danny Dyke murder in the 80's). The primary school I went to was an oasis in a desert so to speak. The trouble was only outside there. I was once mugged by two kids for £5, which resulted in my dad tracking down the kid (who lived about ten houses down from me) and watch his dad batter the fiver back to us. I've seen joyriders crash cars (I've actually seen three of these to date), a drunk driver plough into a wall, put out a fire in a flat using two litre water bottles dropped down by a tennant, been electrocuted on a farmers fence and had barbed wire wrapped around my neck. Nothing else immediately springs to mind though lol.

After all that, I moved to Penlan and lived there for 13 years (unlucky for some). Penlan is a more widespread version of Blaen-y-Maes, and somehow we found another quiet corner which was exempt from alot of the trouble. Not all of it though. We've caught people in our garden at 2am, had a burnt out car behind our house every other night for two months, until the local council decided to build concrete bollards to prevent the joyriders from getting there. Admittedly, owning a 10 stone Labrador-Rotweiller helped though, which made most people think twice about trying to break in. Me dad owned a completely crap and rather embarrasing car too (which he's sold now and got a Peugot thank god!) , which was a luminous orange/red FSO, which was a shed with wheels. Me dad described it's colour as using anti-theft technology to a neighbour once. Still, someone tried to nick it. People will nick anything for no reason whatsoever.

Imagine this in luminous red/orange, would you nick it?

One day in Penlan, was on the way to a night out and waiting at a bust stop with one of my friends Blonde Jonny. A small white transit van broke down across the road from us (it sounded like a burst tyre), and five kids got out and legged it in all directions. Me and Jonny looked at the van for about a minute, and we both decided to ring it in. As we were about to leave the bus stop though, the kids come back, changed the fecking tyre and carried on joyriding! We couldn't beleive it, the cheeky bastards. Then a few weeks later, after being on the town and getting out of a taxi at 2am, I was walking past the Penlan Social Club and heard a car screeching and revving towards me, from my right. I glance around and see a car speeding towards a roundabout, but way too fast for it to be controlled. The car subsequently went onto the pavement and ploughed into a lamp post across the road from me. Five chavs hop out of the car and leggit in every direction. Tis barmey, and no mistake. I was expecting Starsky and Hutch to be chasing them, but to be honest, I was halfcut legless, Mr Magoo on a horse wouldn't have surprised me.

Aye, seen some mad things up there, even had gun sieges and kidnappings too. Thought the school was bad, but the pupils have got to come from somewhere. One of the guys we caught in our garden was a guy called Karl Ali (spelling's probably wrong, but I aint going to make the effort to find it out). He lived about five doors down from me, and he was a right pure scum. I drove past him five years ago in Swansea city centre, and he was standing on the pavement drinking cider, and hurling abuse at everyone who drove past. Nice bloke. Well, one morning, one of our neighbours from opposite us, a tall girl (can't remember her name, nice girl though), lives in a downstairs flat. She went into the upstairs flat to pick up something-or-other, and left her front door open. Only for about two minutes. During that time, Karl see's the door open from his house across the road, leg's it over, nicks a £200 mountain bike out of her flat, and puts it straight into his house. Now, I'm not using the word "allegedly", because the bastard did do this. The reason I know why is because what happened next. The girl goes back to her flat, immediately notices that her bike is missing. She calmly closes her door, walks straight over to Karl's house (he had a reputation before this incident), and knocks on the door.
"Can I have my bike back please Karl?"
"Dunno what you're on about."
"I mean the bike that's behind you, in the hall."
"Eh?" - it was right behind him in clear view.
She grips him by the neck, and instead of going into the house, drags him into the street. She then starts shouting for all of us (as in the neighbours) to come out, explains what he's done, and proceeds to publically beat him in front of us, much to our amusement. Once she's done, she leaves him on the floor, get's her bike back and goes home. We never saw him after that (oh, and the cider incident was the last time I ever saw him).

Women are great when they're angry :D

EDIT: lol! Click this for some demands, and this if you are a regilious freak.

First up....

2005-01-07T01:12:00.000-08:00

Cheeers for this link Pogo :)

Men Who Really Should Know Better - does what it says on the link. I love the statement at the bottom of the page too, "THIS IS NOT A SEX OR A PORN SITE" lol. Thanks for telling us matey.

Pamela Anderson's released a new fashion range, for dogs. Why? Click here to read about it. Insert your own "dog" joke here.

I'm now back in work (hurrah!), but still not 100% from the flu. Aint been getting regular sleep over the last few days, as I'm just been sleeping whenever. So I'm looking at the keyboard and thinking it looks really comfortable. tudcrfgciukttyiukcucgty. Sorry, leaned on the keyboard there. Considering that I was on the road at 7.45am this morning, and most people are still off for Christmas (ie all the kids), there was hell of alot of traffic on the roads this morning. Almost had two accidents to work (I normally stop at the one, but hey, it's 2005), both were on the same stretch of road in the city centre. Two lane traffic upto a set of traffic lights, and someone thought it would be a laugh to cut up the car in front of me as we were both approaching an amber light. Cue two cars slamming on (mine not trying to go into the back of the one that was cut up, a blue Ford Ka). The culprit stormed ahead through red however, leaving us cursing. Don't really know why, because when we got to the next set of lights, that cutter-upper was stuck at them instead. So we drive through the lights when they turn green, and go straight ahead.

The second one involved me alot more, which is a bit more annoying. Here is a map of Parc Tawe , which I have to drive through to get to work. The road I was on is the top heading left to right, which leads out onto a set of lights, and a dual carriageway bridge. On the bridge, there are two lanes; left turn only (leads to Llansamelet) and a straight on/turn right lane leading to St. Thomas and Fabian Way retrospectively. These lanes are seperated by a thick set of "Do not cross" double-white lines. But...what some twunts like to do is this. They see that there are about ten cars in the left turn only lane, and drive up the other lane instead, where there's normally less traffic queuing. When the lights turn green, they drive up the lane, and cross the double whites (how dare they!), normally cutting up alot of cars and jumping the queue by about three cars. Like, they'll get to work any quicker the twanges. Some clever twunt decided to jump the queue by two cars this morning, by almost ramming me off the bridge. I had to slam on as he just swung the car into my lane, missing my bumper by about 2 metric inches (that'll confuse the metric and non-metric users alike, mixing the two scales). He then waved, as if to say "oh thanks for letting me in, awfully good off you". License to drive near his rear bumper all the way to work initiated. Granny twange, hope he's found in a ditch.

Yey, 1st call back in work, and it is a granny shouting at me. The brilliance of this one, is the problem and the solution. The problem is that she can send e-mails to her friends, but when they reply, they get "invalid recipient". 99 times out of 100 it's because on her computer she has the wrong reply address setup. I suggest this saying "ahh we've seen this before madam, 99 times out of 100 it's this that causes this". Apparently I made a mistake by saying this, as I was given a right mouthful and not allowed to walk her through how to fix this. So why did she ring? Feck knows.

I've been thinking over the last couple of days, about times I'd spent in school. Now alot of people go through this phase, and it's only because a few guys on my team all went to the same school and were talking about it, that it got me thinking about mine. It's hard for me to think about any happy days there, as I was bullied for the majority of it, due to "having a brain". Alot of the local trolls couldn't understand that, and took it out on me physically instead. Love school, I do. Was a bit rougher for us too, as we all attended an all-male comprehensive. Still though, there were some real nutters there, and that aint including the pupils. To remain anon on this, I'll just go by the nicknames instead.

Powder-Puff - our ever suffering Form Teacher, whom we had to register with in the mornings to let them know we weren't mitching (skipping school). She wore an almost circus amount of makeup, which must have lead to neck injuries, as she is now wheelchair bound. Apparently she was fired for slapping a kid across the face in one lesson (I'm not making this up by the way, that was the word going around).

Killer Morgan - one of the history teachers, whom also supervised the school library. Actually quite a nice bloke once you gave him the time of day, and made an effort to help the pupils (no paedo references made or required). Unless of course you didn't know him, and did something stupid in front of him. Oh god. Our first ever lesson with him was in the 3rd year (out of 5), and it involved him throwing a chair at a well dented filing cabinet. Obviously this was a well rehearsed introduction, which we didn't appreciate as all of us burst out laughing.

Twisty - quite a nice blokey. Geography teacher (and head of the Geography department) with a bright red face, almost like that of an indian (as in red indian with teepee, not racist). He was ok, tried to run with a few jokes, but fell into loads of punchlines with the quick witted kids. As an example, a guy called Stuart who was in our class asked him in class the following;
"So Twisty, you know you and your wife?"
"Yes?"
"Has your son ever...ermmm...you know...heard you two...errrm...at it?"
"No Stuart."
"So then, maybe you're not doing it right."

Deaf Lloydy - now here's a twat. This guy was a teacher of geography, and also doubled up as a PE teacher. From as early as the month that we were in school there, we knew that there was something "not quite right" with him, as when one of the kids in our class asked "Can I go to the toilet please?" Lloydy answered "The pencils are in the cupboard". He was a nasty bastard though, picking the trouble makers up by their biceps and dangling them there while they shouted out stuff like "Let me go Lloydy you daft bastard that really hurts".

Anderson, sometimes know as Doctor Who - a Physics teacher, who was as daft as two nuts and twice as stupid in an emergency. He claimed that being able to draw perfect circles was a sign of insanity, as he drew one on the blackboard. Come to think of it he reminded me hell of alot of Tom Baker. A kid once wired a power transformer into itself, and turned it upto 12 volts. If you've ever done this, it's like sticking a wire into the + and - of a plug socket, and turning the plug on. The power has no-where to go and burns itself out. The same thing happened to this transformer. Fire erupted out of the top of the box, much to the terror of Doc Who, who legged it out the back, then came out WITH A BUCKET OF WATER. We all shit ourselves, even though the fact that we were still learning adolescents, we knew that water on a transformer was bad news, and legged it to the back of the classroom to watch :D He threw it over, which somehow put it out, but didn't electrocute him, and only then did he go out to the back to turn the mains circuit breaker off. Twange.

Mainwaring - unfortunately now deceased. A biology teacher who was quite simply a fecking loon. Always looking for having a laugh somewhere, and cheered us up no end. A mad skinny wrinkled ginger bloke who made jokes about anyone, or anything, then teached secondly. The only problem was, because he was like this it was very hard to concerntrate on the work he provided to us, because you'd remember the laugh instead. Although I'm not complaining mind you, biology is crap anyroads :D He used to brag how he had a black belt in Origami, and kick people up the arse who didn't hand their homework in on time. He was dictating a monologue on plants once, and he went upto a kid who was known to have a lisp. He then uttered the line "This process is known as photosynthesis. That's phohofinfefish Leigh." Oh dear, and we thought the pupils were bad with bullying; check out the next one.

Ginger Williams - christ, even the other teachers called him Ginge. Damn good teacher, taught us alot, and was a complete torturous bastard when he saw a laugh oppertunity. There was this one kid who joined the school when I was in the last year, called Mark Stone. He looked alot like this , which I couldn't help but put on a badge and sell on http://www.cafepress.com . Ginger took him under his wing, and led to some of the funniest moments in school ever. For example, everytime Mark walked into the room "The Addams Family" was hummed and clicked by everyone including Ginger. Mark confided in Ginge and told him about a family picnic, where all the flumps were out in the summer on a day trip down Singleton Park. And they taped it. Ginge, the genius, not only got Mark to bring the tape in, but also managed to borrow the Resources T.V. and Video Recorder, and watched it with the rest of the class as Mark gave high-pitched commentry on the preceedings (he had an odd voice, like that of Mr Hanky from South Park).

I'm not being nasty when saying this, but Mark should not have gone to that school, as he was backwards to a certain degree and needed extra help. The other kids took hellish comedic advantage of him, and he always ended up crying. I was walking through the canteen once on lunch break, and found Mark crying on the steps, and two kids running off laughing. So I though, "oh balls, better get a teacher then." I went to the staff canteen (as they ate seperate to us, can't blame them) and the only teacher there who was leaving was Ginge. I told him what happened and he asked me to lead him to Mark. When we got to Mark, Ginge asked him if everything was OK and Mark responded by screaming "Gerrawayfrommeyaaaaaaaa!" in his high pitched voice, and ran away crying. Ginge turned to me smirking and said "Ohhhhhh matron!", laughed, then run after him.

There was alot more which happened there, I'll have to go over it again, can't be arsed now.

I Hate The Flu

2005-01-05T09:31:00.000-08:00

Which I've currently got. I feel like I'm absolutely burnt out. I'm sitting here in the flat with it, as yesterday afternoon, it pounced on me and I woke up at 4.15 wondering what the feck is going on. I rang into work, which decided to mark me as UUA, as I was to contact them within an hour before the start of my shift, and not 45 minutes before (they need a full hour, to dial my manager's number and say "he's not in, ill", they can't do that in 45 minutes). So I'm in the house with Max Strength Lemsip tablets, regretting life etc.

Went down the Doc's earlier. As well as waiting 75 minutes to be seen (hooray for the NHS) I also learnt that as well as having the flu with Dermititis, I also have a Frozen Left shoulder. Due to typing too much, obviously, not the w word at all to blame for this issue :p Great trap this is; people who say they don't wank do it on fag breaks as well, as saying they don't is 110% proof that they are the biggest wankers that you ever met, even if they are women. Anyway, whatever caused it is regardless(I don't wank, honest guv), but the damn aching in me shoulder is making it harder to type. And the light is making my eyes sting as well. And me nose is blocked. Hate the flu. So, I've been struck off work until Friday to sort myself out, and spend some quality time in bed. Or writing this blog. I've slept more hours than cats in the last two days, and they sleep two thirds of the time (that's 32 out of the last 48 hours for the thick twunts out there).

I've still managed to find some interesting crap on the net though, to keep the regulars amused. For example, Survivor is a game based on actual disasters which pits the player in dealing with helping out at Ground Zero. This game is an actual console title, which is out soon on PS2. What draws my attention to this, is that when it was in development, they actually made a September 11th level, dealing with the Twin Towers. Sick bastards. Thousands of people die in one of the most horrific terrorist attacks ever, and people try to make money off it by making a game. There again, there's been so many war games, that we can't really criticize this title as much as we first would have imagined. As an example, Medal Of Honor is a very highly critically acclaimed World War 2 game, which I myself have played through to the finish and enjoyed too. The fact that alot of the German army were kids, and alot of the service men were told to fight or get killed by your neighbour was irrelivant however. They're all bad guys, kill them all, hurrah! Great game. I suppose no-one deserved the Sept 11th at all, but there again no-one deserved the 2nd World War either. There are daft arguments either side, and there's always some twunt who will try to argue it. Me personally, Sept 11th was only a few years back, wait until everyone has accepted what happened there, before prodding it with a money grabbing stick you sick bunch of grave-robbing bastards.

Ahem.

Fancy trying to cure a sheep who thinks he's a dog? Click here. This is a completely fecked up version of Animal Hospital if I ever saw one.

What is it about pet clothing websites that make me want to laugh?

Poor git, bet he feels a right ponce

Will type more when I can be arsed. Hate the flu.

The Aftermath Of My Living Room

2005-01-04T01:05:00.000-08:00

Working on a split shift rota (going to work twice a day for the numpties who don't understand) normally means that you want to rest, or do what is needed within the few hours gap, before heading back to work. At least it normally does for me anyway. But not yesterday, oh no. I had to make a side journey on the way home first, upto my parents house a few miles in the opposite direction. Had to pick up some boxes so I could load up me car with expired Christmas decorations. We do this because I live in a flat, and we have not got any room to store anything in our current accomidation, and most stuff gets dumped in the spare room at my parents house god bless them. This wasn't the bad bit.

The bad bit wasn't also being stuck in traffic from my parents house to my own either, was slow going, but no real problems as such (even if most drivers in Swansea are absolute arseholes).

The bad bit was getting home and finding that my living room looked like Thailand (that's not an insult by the way to the tsunami victims, that's just an analogy). I video'd it and put the link on yesterday's post, but here's the link again (you will need something like Real Media Player, or whatever, I don't know, to view it). Excuse the commentry :D

I got to my flat front door, and while carrying two boxes, managed to unlock it and stumble into my flat. I can't really see the horror that's awaiting me as I've got 2 bloody boxes in me hand, and am just stumbling upto the kitchen unit to disperse these. I kick the door closed behind me, put the boxes down and then see it. The entire unit has been emptied onto the floor and surrounding bits of furniture, in no particular order, and the unit is just sitting there empty, and looking guilty. No sign of the wife by the way either, she's nowhere to be found in the flat whatsoever. So I'm thinking two things; either I've been burgled, or the missus is a psycho when she starts cleaning. After a few minutes, I remembered that she said she was going to clean the unit, so I don't bother ringing the Police. Instead, I put my bag down on the floor on the edge of the living room abyss, and thought "I need to lay down for a bit". So I walk into the bedroom. To find the bed stripped, and a matress looking at me, almost saying Don't touch me, I'm all naked!!!! I can't even lay down in my own flat, this is not fun anymore. I figure that the wife's gotta be around here somewhere (as in she wouldn't strip the place and leggit without her handbag which was still in the kitchen). The only other place she could be is in the upstairs flat, which is where her parents live. Now Adele's parents are actually most probably the best Mom and Dad in Law's I could've asked for. Anything we need, or willing to help with and they make the maximum of effort for us. They are not intrusive either, and a good laugh too. How'd I manage that one? I hope they don't read this, they'll kick my ass :p

So I go upstairs, and there's everyone yapping away, and Adele's sitting there all happy. Gina, Adele's mom, asks me what I think of downstairs. Without saying a word, I pull out my mobile and play what I just recorded from the living room.

Two minutes later Adele was excused from her parents flat and was back downstairs with me tidying up the damn mess. By the time we finished though, it was 3.25pm, and I left to go back to work. I'm the walking dead at the moment.

Also (yes, there's more), my cooker decided to break down. Not in the conventinal way though, oh no, that would be too easy, by far. Oh no, what this fecker decided to do was to break so that it wouldn't turn off. The knob on the front of it with the oven controls, decided to snap a while back, and even though it was hanging off, we could still turn the oven on and off. The off switch inside the dial snapped by the looks of it, and we were cooking up until close to midnight. I had to climb under a cupboard to unplug the bastard. Not the kind of yoga I was planning to do at night really.

So....my day today is calling the landlord after work to find out if they can fix the cooker. And that's after visiting the dentist. Which I can never get out of, as me wife is a Dental Receptionist by trade. Yey, teeth to be drilled out then as a gumby ring up the landlord and trying to get the cooker done without dribbling too much. And then back in work. Life is great.

I'm real tired right now. My chest feels aching, and I can't be fecked to drink Red Bull. Sleep would be great right now, but when you're in work some people may take offence. I almost had a car accident on the way to work. Some guy walked out in front of my car as I was driving. I slammed on, wound down the window and shouted "What are you, blind?" He walked out past the front of my car and as it was, he was blind, he had the white stick and everything I swear to god. As soon as he got out of the way I drove and shrank into my car seat, hoping to be eaten by the world. Laughing like feck at it now though :D

Random Funny Pic of the Day

So reincarnation is possible....

Also, check this out - Can you spare a few coins for a poor squirrel?

And, this poor girl's blog - Why-can't-I-have-fun?

News Just In.....

2005-01-03T01:28:00.000-08:00

...the Al Queda have run out of people to train in the war, so they're sending in the dogs.

HANGOVER!!!!!! What a long weekend. After finishing work saturday at 12.15pm, I drove home and found that the wife, me sister and her boyfriend were still waking up from the previous night out. Yey, me flat is a holiday home for wine-drinking tramps, plus guests lol. To help them wake up from the New Year's Eve slumber, they decided to watch the Band Aid tribute DVD (which I bought the wife for Christmas, four disc ten hour mega edition). We got 3 hours into it, then lost the will to live. Me sister and Neal legged it about an hour in, which I don't blame them whatsoever. Admittedly, there was a beer waiting for me when I got in, which wasn't that bad at all.

So, once settled in, and after cleaning up the mess, we were well settled down for an early night in, when we get a phonecall requesting our assistance to be in the local for a swift drink. We'd decided to just have the one and then go home. I got in at 3am. Urrrrggghhhh. What a laugh though. I'd never heard kareoke as bad as that night; it was another level of badness. There was this married couple and two friends, which included an over-excited Englishman in they're company. He was a complete twunt, as stated by his wife's sister lol. I kind of worked that out, when instead of getting up to sing a song, he gave a two minute "joking speech" about his wife and the Welsh. Then he sang a Tom Jones song. As in "Tom Jones - Welsh Sexual Superhero" Ton Jones for fuck's sake. Bloody awfully too I will add. His wife was not impressed, there were no underwear being thrown at him either. Just as well really, considering the local clientel who were there that night. Did not want to see skids flying in that direction if you know what I mean, the place smelt bad beforehand lol.

Yey for work! After allegedly sorting out me rota probs from last week (still work in progress, but looking good), they've stuck me on answering e-mails, which is infinitely more enjoyable. We receive thousands of e-mails a day, most of which are pure junk. And if our junk filters miss the mail, we've gotta sort out and answer the rest. Here are some which we get;

"Enlarge Your Pen1s With Just 2 Treatments" - this has become a benchmark spam, alongside the Viagra and medical supplies stuff. Just your typical delete.

"Do you want to buy a watch? Click here" - or maybe not. I'd rather go to Argos or something sorry. Delete.

"Hello,
this is an update to inform you about your m o rtga g e a p p roval. April Bruce called from our bank yesterdayto update your situation. Our company will apprve you for 3.45 butwe need some information.
Please fill this form:http://www.
We will take kare of the rest.
Thanks for your time
Lupe" - I've left the spelling mistakes in. Don't click the link, or I will go around your house and beat you. Delete.

"This Message was undeliverable due to the following reason:" - Delete. (You're noticing a theme here).

"Kristin. Afterwards.consience5.abide" - Eh? Delete.

"I need my password, because I can't download my e-mails." - Now this is classic, but I'm not really going to answer this. Main reason being for 2 things;

Subsection 1 - The Data Protection Act prohibits us from sending out sensitive account information other that directly to the account holder, and the account holder only (unless we are notified of an allowed 3rd party by the account holder). To send these details out by e-mail would be deemed unsafe, thus is not an option.

Subsection 2 - You need your password to access your e-mails, which is what you've asked me to send you, via e-mail? How stupid are you? It's like going to a bank cashpoint and demanding to know what your PIN number is. It aint going to work. Ever. (NB If the account holder has a different e-mail address, then it simply falls into Subsection 1 of my whinge).

Bollocks. Back on calls again. Oh well, tis my job I suppose :p

My Gamecube's never been so busy

Bought this for me Gamecube the other day. Good game, but the storyline is well out of whack. All to do with semi-fake religion, and two planets fighting for the same power source. I may as well be watching Eastenders, got no idea what's going on on that either. Only difference being that with the Eastend crew I couldn't give a monkeys what's going on on that, I would be happy of there was a Great Walford fire, and killed off most of the cast. Then hired half of the Tweenies crew on there instead. Back to the game though; it's one of the only games that has a story that grows up as you play it. When you start, you are given these rules which the population abide by (things like angels, the 2nd coming of Martel and things like Devilseeds) , and as you get further in the actual cast start questioning everything in a very intelligent and totally relateable way. Kept me busy. Until I finish it and sell the bastard on lol. About time something like this has come out, instead of another fecking Monkey Ball or Mario game. Oh well.

EDIT: I got home from work earlier, found this waiting for me. You'll need something like Quicktime or Real Media Player to watch it, as it was downloaded from me mobile straight after I saw it. Will speak about tomorrow.

Happy New Year!

2005-01-01T01:36:00.000-08:00

Apart from Blogger still dropping my links etc, Happy New Year! Blimey, 2004 is gone, which still doesn't make sense. Was gone before we realised it was there. It definately does not feel like 2005 though, even though it is obviously.

So to celebrate this momentious occasion, I'm celebrating with a packet of Roast Chicken crisps (Walkers mind, none of that cheap tat) and a bottle of Oasis Citrus Punch. Needs a tad bit of vodka to be honest, but oh well.

Yey.....sitting in work. Two people have taken a call out of twenty so far. We've been open an hour lol. I'm on the backside of an odd work rota issue which occured to me yesterday, which was primarily a cock-up by my management, trying to offer me something I couldn't work, then half-way through it saying that I was to come in later, and work the time that I was actually working at that point. Again. Funnily enough that didn't happen after I went on a swearing fit. I'm waiting on a future conversation with me manager on that one (should be fun). This is the kind of shit we all need on New Years Eve, just to put the last year into perspective. Twunts.

Well, what did I do on New Years Eve then? I went down the local with me wife and some friends. We drank, laughed at bad kareoke and lost money on a fruit machine until midnight, where everyone went outside into the middle of a road for the midnight chimes. Was a bit of a laff at some points, but how bad is this? One of the guys who was drinking with us was there with his Thailand wife. A random drunk walks up to us, points at the Thai girl and pronouces "Didn't you all drown the other day?", then stumbles off into the corner. Awkard expressions all around.

Still though, we're actually starting to take calls now.......... haven't people heard of hangovers? Why can't they leave us, or even better, send us Anadin?

To reduce my boredom, I've drawn a picture of a hamster, in a spacesuit.

Am still bored though. God damn. So, to cheer me up, I'm looking up Hamster on image-search in Google. I've found this, this and this (what the fuck is the last one???) so far. Yey.

Tis New Years Eve......

2004-12-30T23:38:00.000-08:00

......and let's hope the death toll is a bit lower in 2005. Was looking at a few headlines over the last year, and I didn't realise how crap 2004 was. We had the Russian School siege, where over 200 died. The Iraq 2nd Gulf war (which has gone into extra time), loads of casualties there and still rising. Plus we've had lots of hurricanes, and of course the Tsunami in the last week, where the death toll is officially over 125,000. Oh, and I also got married lol. Crap year or what?

So, I'm in work on the last day of the year, and the only danger I got is from a heart-attack due to sitting near a vending machine for the last 4 years. Works sucks, but so does your mother.

Tis hard to think of anything that really stands out this year (except for the wedding, just in case the wife see's this :D) which has made this year actually happen. Apart from the disasters and Big Brother 5, nout much else has happened. Wasn't Big Brother 5 absolutely awful? Even if they finally did what the public wanted, and have a punch-up. Instead of sending in security, they should have sent in a few weapons, just to make the place kick off a bit more. At least it would've been less things for The Sun to print off (page-filling stories on people trying to be famous). Now and OK magazine would've had to have gotten photos of people who have earned they're position of fame, rather than photos of pillocks who entered a popularity contest. I mean, they've had alot of photos of Nadia. Who the fuck wants to know about him / her / it / barbie / ken / whatever?

Yey, got a right muppet on the phone at the mo, talking about trying to get registered. There are a few different classes of person with which we speak to on a daily basis in this job.

1. The Knowledgable Person; may or may not be with attitude, but will ring through specifically for certain information. Will fall into 2 sub-catergories; the first will be someone who will listen to any information provided, even if it contradicts what they initially thought. These tend to be the most pleasent of people. The second, is much worse and far more difficult to deal with. The knowledge for which they possess, is wrong. To try and convice them otherwise, is a tactical battle of wits, which I can't be fucked with. At the end of the day, they rang in for help, not to educate us on our job. Did they call in to get things fixed, or to tell us how to do it? Either way, these tend to be the longest and most stress converting.

2. The Un-Knowledgable Person; someone who thought the Internet would be a laugh, and has very little or no experience whatsoever with computers, or the Internet. Again, two different catergories; the first being pleasent and eager to listen to get the problems solved, and get up and running. The second, really cannot be arsed to listen, and breaks into comments like "I never wouldv'e bought this if I'd knew it would be this hard...", "I'm going from pillar to post" and the all time classic (which will be on my gravestone) "I'm paying for a service I'm not getting here....". As soon as one of these three phrases are uttered, I sigh and open up http://www.fish4jobs.com, and hope it's got something new on it.

3. The Wrong Number; someone who has come through to the Internet Department, who does not need to speak to us, but another section of the company. Now it can either go like "I'll get you passed straight over", or I've got to listen to someone go on for five minutes without breathing while they explain the ENTIRE FUCKING PROBLEM, only for me to say "Sorry, wrong number" with much hilarity.

4. The Cheeky Bastard from A.N.Other Company; someone who is a customer from another Internet Provider for example, who has decided to ring our company in the hope that we can give e-mail details, or connection details, for another company. Much joy is had when saying "No, try ringing them FFS".

5. The Bomb Scare; someone who rings in, leaves a hollow threat that there's a bomb in our building, then we stand out in the car park for two hours while the Police and Bomb Disposal search our premesis. Great fun :D

Plus, there's the genuine thick, foreigners who can't speak or understand Engrish, and the prank phone calls too which we contend with. I need a new job.

World Of Pain.....Fookin Hell!!!!

2004-12-30T01:37:00.000-08:00

Nice.....was bought a Freeview Box as one of me Christmas presents this time around, mainly because we can't have Digital in our flat (bloody landlords). We've started browsing the dodgy channels, to see what we can find. At 11pm every week night, a channel called "FTN" air a programme called "World Of Pain" (click here). There are some poor fucks out there, who survive the stupidest of things. One coloured bloke lost half his skull (and brain), and was walking around with the top right of his skull (and his brain) missing. I wish I could find a picture of it, it was horrific, but highly amusing. Lost a fight to a bullet apparently. His head resembled a half-deflated football, where his scalp was inverted to protect the other side of his brain. His mother was a nutter too. She was laughing at the guy's brother, who threw him a pair of socks, and he caught them in his skull. Fucking loons. The docs had to silicon implant the gap in his skull, making it legal for us to call him a tit-head. Also had some plonker trying to break the land-speed record with a bike. And not the motor variety either, cycling v v fast down the side of a volcano. Only prob was, at the 170mph mark, his bike hit a very slight change of downhill angle, and the difference in force was enough for the bike to break in half. Split second moment of only holding onto a steering wheel before realising that this "may hurt". He rolled for about a mile lol. After he left the hospital, the first thing he done was get the bits of the bike together and try to work out why it smashed. Because you're a bit of a twat, that's why. Take up knitting or something.

I saw another real nasty one involving a guy on a BMX, where the guy goes over a jump, slightly falls and slides across the floor. He stops himself from getting hurt by putting his right hand on the floor, to steady himself. Only prob being, he suddenly stops, looks at his hand, and there's the splinter from hell sticking through both sides of his hand. This thing is about 5 inches long, and at least a centemetre thick, and is not straight through either, it travels diagonally through, just missing his wrist. His hand looked like cheese and pineapple on a cocktail stick. Ouch.

Added new links at the bottom of the page; new flash fruit machine game (start by clicking the coin slot) on me webspace, and another thing called "The Return of Tard-Blog". Now this is a bit of magic. Apparently this is all meant to be true, which makes it even funnier. It's an online diary of the funniest things that happen in a disabled children's classroom, from the viewpoint of the teacher. Damn funny, also includes the archive for the original teacher who started the blog (a Miss Rita Sped), which are incredibly funny. Also was given another link by the team, known as UrbanDictionary.com. Any definitions available, from chavs to nicknames to people we work with (for example, search on Bibby). Very funny site.

Some peeps will do anything for kicks. Bungie jumping, eating tacos, drugs, skateboarding, playing football against Man Utd (fouling twats), anything.

Also, I love http://www.blogger.com , as it decided to lose half of my website template, and I've had to re-design the basic site, losing half of me links. Great. So if I've lost your link, it's not because I hate you, it's because I've basically lost it and can't remember it (because you weren't important lol). Please post your link on the end of this article if you want a link. Unless your site is crud, in which case you can whistle dixie.

Why Blogger, why?

A Few Days After Christmas...

2004-12-29T01:18:00.000-08:00

.....and all's odd. There's this serious business with the tsunami over in the China region, where thousands upon thousands of locals and tourists were killed by the tidal waves caused by the natural disaster. It's been in the news, been in all the papers, you see it mentioned on everything. Yet.......Sian on our team in work still aint heard about it. "Uh?" was her responce. Twange. What, you spend Christmas in a cupboard?

Also, I've not drunk almost near as much as I do every year, and feel worse lol. I actually feel really rough at the moment, and can't stop farting - me and one of the guys are having a bottom-burp contest at present. I'm winning :D

Did hear a funny story though....one of the female members of our team in work, got home one night, and walked in to find her boyfriend having it away with Sister Palm while watching porn on the telly. Now instead of announcing something like "What on earth are you doing?" and just embarrasing him into stopping the filthy deed, she stood there for ten minutes in the background with a total look of shock on her face. After he finished, she announced her presence, and now funnily enough the housework seems to be done for her all the time etc. One thing you shouldn't really do though, is tell the team the next day, as we will take the piss. Classic :D

New Year's Eve is on the way; apparently me sister and her boyfriend are staying over too, which doesn't help me as I'm in work at 8.30am on the saturday. Thankyou work, thanks for everything. I'll have two days off for Christmas, and then work New Year's Eve until 6.30ish, then back in work the next morning. One word from management saying anything negative and I'll chin them, the part time hypocritical bastards.

There wasn't much on the telly in terms of Christmas stuff; most of it was utter crap. The only things keeping it afloat was Little Britain and the news. Practically everything else was dire; I resorted to watching "You've Been Framed" for a bit for fuck's sake. There was one good bit of telly on though, which was a one-off-made-for-ITV movie called "Christmas Lights", starring Robson Green. About two feuding brothers who fall out because one's been promoted above the other. They end up trying to do things better and better than each other, until each other's house looks like Poundstretcher puked on them. Was a funny film, you're typical everthing-works-out-fine-because-it's-christmas type, but still watchable.

Still in work. Bored.

Business is starting to return to normal with us; we're getting people ringing up demanding anything upto the Holy Grail. I keep telling them we're all Jewish and the Grail doesn't exist, but they won't listen. Jews are amazing, either brilliant accountants, or good at manual labour. Ho hum.

It's Christmas Time....

2004-12-25T06:26:00.000-08:00

....I can't beleive I'm doing this on Xmas Day. Just as well I'm halfcut :D

Plus.....lol....we've forgotten to leave the Turkey out of the Freezer. It's still frozen. Doesn't get any better than this. It's currently 2.45pm, and we've just begun the cooking expedition. Now there is a problem with this; I'm much better at eating the food, over cooking the stuff. I actually take my hat off to my mother on this; it needs almost military precision to get everything done at the same time, and me mum does it in spades. I'm gonna rename her "General Coghlan" from now on.

Oh yeah, Merry Christmas, you shower of bastards :D

Has heeeeeeee been? He has in our house, got prezzies and everything. Except..........

I DID NOT HAVE SOCKS!!!!!!!

I want a recount! Every bloody year since I've been born, I've received socks in the arrangement. But not this year, oh no. I didn't even get a pair of comical "almost cartoon character" socks either (you know, resembles a famous character saying something, except the manufacturers don't pay the licencing fee). I'm gutted.

But I had have plenty of clothes etc, which did make up for it. Plus a few DVDs and the complete scripts to Little Britain (which has new material in it, and is ace), which is great.

I normally by tradition have the unfortunate luck of being given stocking fillers too. Which can range from something decent, to something damn right odd. This year, my filler was a thing called a Booz-o-Meter. You basically have a twirly bit of metal attached to a loud speaker, which if you can't get the bar around while not touching the metal, you get a loud smashing sound. Well, I'd may as well sell the Xbox, and while I'm at it bin Half-Life 2 and my PC, as Booz-o-Meter is here. Thought that counts though lol.

Missed Queens Speech. Was in pub instead. Shame :D

Shut up is it? Most probs the same speech from last year, no-one watches it.

Tis The Day Before Christmas....

2004-12-23T23:59:00.000-08:00

....when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. Unless you're in work with 400 computers (300 working), plenty of mice there. Bastard.

In work on Christmas Eve, working 8 till 8 as well. Git. Well at least there's the piss up afterwards at me local, so I can at least unwind a bit tonight anyroads. It's been an odd buildup to Christmas this year. Odd for the simple reason that when it's going to hit the actual day tomorrow, that it'll be gone before we know it. All the preparations, all the running about through traffic to buy last minute prezzies, getting the shopping in ready for the big day, and when it turns up we'll be likely sitting down and drinking Carling while watching re-runs of films we half-enjoyed 3 years ago. Fuck, I forgot to buy Carling.

As I started saying in yesterday's post, Christmas is a religious holiday which is meant to represent the Birth Of Christ. But recently this has been blown out of proportion by commercialisation and greedy kids; everyone wants everything, and the kids and companies live off each other for it. 99% of the kids couldn't give a flying fuck who Jesus Christ is (some think it's an insult only to say that), and are just desperate for that present which the parents most probs haven't bought them anyway. Unless you're names Brooklyn Beckham and you wanted a £22,000 Hummer for Christmas that is. Cucky lunt. There again, I was the same when I was a kiddie, didn't give a fuck about the Queen's speech or the Jesus story, and just concernatrated on getting as many Transformers as possible. Christ, they're still going strong aren't they? So is He-Man and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles too (or Hero Turtles if you're in lame as fuck U.K.); both have shite loads of stuff out at the mo and back on TV too. Feck, even Battlestar Galactica has made a try at a comeback. But failed lol. That's because Face from the A-Team wasn't on it.

Whatever happened to Buck Rogers? He kicked ass, even if they did do a crap disco bit in the Buck Rogers movie (Buck teaching them to Disco in the 25th Century, fecking comical).

"Bidi bidi bidi Fuck you Buck!"

Twiggy was far better than Buck in this, and took no shit. He was the 70's equivalent of Ice T, and was gansta tripping over Wilma's ass. Ok, maybe that was a porn film, or a "Christmas Special", I dunno. Still though, Twiggy was pimping his ho's while Buck was out "saving the universe", or killing special effects.

Anyhows, I found out what our members of staff do when they aren't stuck in work at most of the silly hours; they end up in the 24 hour Tescos. Where I saw about 20 members of staff last night shopping. Talk about unsociable fecking hours with the job. I was in Tescos until 11 last night because that was the only time I had available to shop before Christmas. Considering that it was so late, it was a fucking nighmare. The staff were trying to fill up the shelves, while blocking up half of the aisles with the big kick-ass trolleys full of gumph, while we had to try and negotiate around. I almost smacked 6 grannies. What is it about shopping in a supermarket that makes me so fucking infuriated? Is it the fact that you can never find anything? The fact that the missus makes you turn a full trolley around to go down one aisle, then as you start moving down the aisle, makes a quick U-Turn and heads down the next one, leaving you stuck betwen 2 grannies in No-Man's Land? Or is it the fact that there are ALWAYS PEOPLE IN THE FUCKING WAY? Yeah, I think that's the one. You're pushing 1/2 a tonne of shopping about on something with 3 working wheels, and some ignorant fecker always steps out in the way. I've taken the approach of not stopping now, and have knocked over a small child lol. It's also the way in which people glare at you if they've stood in the way, and wonder why you've become mightily pissed at them.

BUT...it's 90% of the time the WOMEN who do this, not the men. We've been designated the insufferable bastards who've got to push the basket of doom to where-ever they order us, even when they direct us down the wrong aisle, them blame us for taking a minute to turn around. It's WOMEN who walk in front of us while we're desperately trying to control the Reliant Robin impersonator, then glare at us as if we've just invaded Poland. And it's WOMEN who scrutinise the receipts afterwards, and ask us to drive 5 miles back to argue about being overcharged 20p for the tins of beans, when it'll cost about a pound in petrol to get there and back again.

Leave shopping to the women, I say.

Also, check this out; Banned-Aid 20 - parody video of the new Band Aid vid, absolutely comical.

2 Days Left, Not Long Now

2004-12-23T01:23:00.000-08:00

Managed to avoid Christmas shopping yesterday....well ok, postpone it until late tonight. Got a 24 hour Tescos up the road, so we may as well use it after I finish work tonight. The Christmas meal is looking more like Microchips every day.

Been a bit of a crap buildup to Christmas; wasn't there meant to be atmosphere, or Christmas Spirit, or Ganja or something? Something to make us feel excited about the event. I mean, most peeps will be lucky if they get loads of goodies and spend time with the family. Isn't that what it's all about? Well no actually. Some twange being born in a stable, then 30ish years later dying on a cross saying "Sorry" apparently. And we're not too sure if that's true either. We've gone from fact to a question of faith by here. This might be tricky. Oh fuck it, I'll start off on Christians now. It is Christmas after all.

What's the deal? Some guy gets beaten, everyone cries, he comes back a few days later and he's all "My dad's a God" in some big cheesey voice, and eveyone loves him. Coma perhaps? Atkins diet for too long? I don't know. But there again neither do the Christians. Yes, they've got the Bible, which has been in their midst for the last 2,000 years, but it's been edited so many times, that God has been given a male image, and Jesus is pale white. I though God was "eternal", possibly meaning that he/she/it had one of each, and was not beleived to be either male or female. Like Lisa Lee Dark from one of my previous posts (see here). Fuck me, I'm not worshipping that. The Church has decided to opt for the "Faith" excuse alot during all of this, which doesn't cut the mustard on the Chrismas Turkey if you ask me. Faith is a scary thing; it changes people who from one line of thinking to the religion's line of thinking, and depending on the situation that can be dangerous. Especially if it kicks in at the wrong time.

Negotiator and guy on ledge on top of a 30 storey building.
N - "Cmon son, it aint worth it. Come down off the ledge."
J - "I can't take it no more, it's too many re-runs of Sons and Daughters on UK Gold, and it isn't even made in the UK, it's from fucking ozzie land. Makes no sense!" (starts crying)
N - "Sons and Daughters never made sense, don't let it get you down. Neither did Neighbours or Home and Away and for that matter Prisoner Cell Block H."
J - "I liked Cell Block H."
N - "Errrr yeah, you are right, was right good that was, sorry."
J - "It's like this book, what's this all about?" (throws a Bible over to the negotiator. The negotiator picks it up and quickly thumbs through it)
J - "It said that God lives and acts in our every actions. What the fuck is that about? I'm not a puppet!" (edges closer to the brink)
N - "Hang on......hmmm...blimey. According to this, God loves us all, and if you fall and die, you've going to live in Heaven with him forever, and everything will be great. This is good shit this is. Is it true?"
J - "Some people think so."
N - "What are we waiting for then?"
Negotiator grips the Jumper's arms and leaps off the building. A few seconds later, there is a large splatting sound. The Jumper is hanging onto the ledge.
J - "Fucking loon. Ok, I'm coming down safely..."

It's like those American Soul Preachers, what the le fuck is that all about. The Power of the Christ ballad is strong, by all accounts. I'm trying to find a decent homepage for one of the fruitcakes...1 sec....Pastor Doug . He's a bit of a fruit 'n' nutcake. Plus he's highlighted the fact that he's a batchelor too. Is that anything to do with Christianity, being a batchelor, or is he on the pull? Did you know that the 1st of these Power Preachers, was actually someone from South Wales in the early 1800's? Because of one of the locals, we wouldn't have had the Blues Brothers. There again, we wouldn't have had Blue Brothers 2000 either, so I don't know if that's a plus or a minus really. One such preacher was Christian Evans from Llandyssul. Do I really need to know this, and secondly why the fuck do I know this?

Also, why don't we get Christian Ninjas? That would kick ass. I've found this , which has terrorists dressed as ninjas attacking Christians. Not quite the same. Fun though :)

Religion is a big dull subject, and around Christmas Christianity takes the limelight mainly because of the birth of Christ, and not the day Santa visits your chimney (euthanism for waste pipe, shitter) and deposits his "load" of presents. Or if you're unlucky, Frank the local paedo taking advantage of your innocence while wearing a Santa's costume.

Christmas, sponsored by the Matrix

Best thing about Christmas, is watching Jason and the Argonauts again. Every fecking year. Tis a good film though :)

3 Days, Getting Closer.....

2004-12-22T01:19:00.000-08:00

New Form of Karaoke

This is a new form of Karaoke that's apparently taking the Japanese by storm. Instead of following the bouncing ball, you, errrm....follow the bouncing balls. Read the article and you'll see what I mean.

Morning all. Back in work again, and now only 3 days to Christmas. Great time to catch a cold isn't it? I blame work though (lol, I blame them for everything) and I put it down to a fire alarm fomr last night. We were all settled down doing our work; I'd somehow managed to speak to a nice customer (you treasure them in our job, you have a laugh and pass the time helping them out) and the bloody fire alarm goes off. So I had to end the call, and follow the other two hundred people out of the building and stand in the car park for 45 minutes. It turned out that some silly sod decided to smoke a fag in the toilets, and set the alarms off while trying to disguise the smell with a spray. Cheers mate, whoever the fuck you are. After we got back in, it took 5 minutes before I could move my fingers, let alone help anyone else.

And now I'm bunged up, and cheesed off.

If I got the flu on Christmas Day, I'm not going to be best pleased.

Still though, it's two days off from the grinder, so there is some consolation I suppose. I've been invited to 3 different places for Christmas lunch (either parents or a pub across the road), but after some consideration, we've decided to spend it in the house. I'm not doing a Vicar of Dibley affair (ie promise everyone I'll turn up for dinner, and end up doing all 3 on the trot), although some people say I could do it, if I don't have afters lol. So we've gotta do the cooking. The local Fire Station are on standby.

How is it that because I work with computers, every member of the family think I know absolutley anything electrically motivated? "John, you're good on the internet, my calculator's broken." Buy a new one? Learn basic Maths? Or how about fuck yourself blind with a spanner? How the flying fuck should I know? It's worse with me mam unfortunately. She does one thing 27 years ago by dropping my ugly mug out of her crotch, and then that means that she can volunteer my services to any bastard who's ever heard of the internet to them, even if they haven't got a problem. Have you ever had to explain how to do something, or how to fix something to your mother? Fucking nightmare scenario; I get home from the morning part of my shift, settle down and turn my comp on to do a bit of online gaming. My phone, situated next to my comp rings. I hesitantly answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi John, is Catherine here."
"Mam's friend?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"Errrr, what can I do for you?"
"I've got this problem with the PC, is asking to reinstall some drivers or something?"
"Righhhhhhht? Errrm, I'm not the best person to speak to about this Cath sorry..."
"Yeah, I've been getting this problem for the last two weeks now, ever since this Kazar thing went on."
"have you...errr...."
"and now we can't get into the internet, and some games don't work either."
"Really?"
"Have you played solitaire? That don't work either."
"Yes I've played.."
"And the wallpaper keeps changing as well, sometimes it turns white and I can't get nothing on it."
"How did you get my number, was it from mam? (I'll kill her)"
"How do I fix it?"
"Take the computer back to where you bought it sorry Cath (And don't ring me again either you fucking loon) . It sounds like the MSDingy file has become corrupted and Windows isn't operating within normal parameters...are you writing this down?"
"MSDingy......yeah, go on."
"And there's a missing DLL file....checking the name of it......it was called the MSCurly.DLL I think."
"That's an odd name."
"Yep, it's so the programmers don't forget it (I'm on a roll now)."
"Anything else?"
"Oh yes, the wallpaper problem is directly related to your printer being too close to the window, and the sunlight is affecting the printer heads. The feedback causes the USB driver to conflict with the socket controller, and effects all screen activities, including wallpaper."
"That's funny, I thought that was unplugged."
"Still, you want to move that printer from the window, try getting it as far away from the light as possible."
"Ok, what else?"
"Almost forgot, there's another file you need to fix too, called the MSWurly.DLL as well, write that down."
"...Wurly.DLL"
"That should fix everything else. So take the computer back and explain the following to them."
"Ok, many thanks John, bye!" Click.

That was 4 months ago, still aint heard from her since. Must've fixed it then, always have problems with those MS Curly Wurly files :D

Basically, DON'T VOLUNTEER ME SERVICES OUT, AND I WON'T TAKE THE PISS! I'll help out when I offer (which I do, but I don't like being ordered into it).

Also, I got cheap-cellotape-glue sickness form wrapping a few presents yesterday. Among the other prezzies, I also bought this toy elephant for the missus, which she'd alrady seen. Im not going to wrap that, just for the simple reason that it would be the "Guess what I bought you luv...I'll give you a clue, it's not a toaster" as she looks at an elephant shaped mess of paper.

If this was wrapped, would you know what it was?

4 Days to Christmas, And I Almost Care.....

2004-12-21T01:33:00.000-08:00

4 days left, and the only reason I know that is because I had to check the date on the Desktop I'm using. Christ, it doesn't seem like christmas this year. We've got the decorations up (well, singular and not plural, there's a tree and low amounts of strategically placed tinsell), all the cards out (hey, I'm actually quite popular) and two packets of Twiglets in the cupboard.

We've been so busy buying prezzies, that we aint got anything for us (ie food etc).

Problem I got is that I am in work straight up until Christmas Day, as HR are a bunch of shits. "I know, we can't make them work christmas, so we'll take they're normal days off and fuck about with them. Fuck them, they're only staff." So I've gotta find time tomorrow inbetween shifts to sort this crap out.

There again, I could live in Boscastle. They've had it rough (even if they did win silver in the Olympic Coxless Pairs, two guys in a Post Box) and they've still got it tough. The insurance still hasn't paid any of the residents out yet, as they are trying to work out if it's viable and safe to re-build on the land again. Alot of the residents are still homeless from this flooding from August, and are having to use temporary accomodation for Christmas.

Still though, fuck all to do with me :)

I did buy that Band Aid DVD for someone for Christmas though, and I know she don't look at this site so I can type it. So I've done my bit for charity. Anyways, back to insulting stuff.

I bet that Jimmi feels a right twonk, after the Miranda incident (see yesterday's article). Apparently he's been given indefinate leave from the Street, probably because they can't tell him to learn his lines anymore lol.

Found this; Thomas Scott's Flash Site is a touch of class. Not as in a "teacher's touch of a pupil in detention" kind of touch, but a pleaseant one. Needs sound for all the best stuff though.

Also found a cool Stick Art anim.

Omg, this is quite funny actually. People caught speeding, and here are some of the things people have used as excuses. Classic.

If these guys aren't gay, no-one is. As an example;

GAY GAY GAY!!!!

Also found Erotic Origami , which has really led me to beleive that people really are bored in this world.

EDIT: just found this, The Insane Cats, which hosts some amazing flash movies, including the entirety of The Two Towers, in matchstick format!

Other Bits 'n' Bobs

David Blunkett found out that after all the hassle with him having a bastard son and being forced out of Parliment, that Kimberley Quinn has been seeing two other blokes as well. The hussy lol. He'll be joining Fathers 4 Justice soon, that'll sort it.

Michael Jackson has had his appeal quashed in the courts, after the Defence tried to say that Michael's a "public target". The judge thought so too, as he said he'd see the paedo in court in 6 weeks time. Well ok, he didn't say paedo, but it was in his voice, you could tell.

Sharon Osbourne may have been kicked out of the next up and coming X-Factor, before it even started, mainly because her and Simon conflict too much. Christ, that was the only reason worth watching the crap to be honest. And I'm not watching Casualty instead, unless the nurses look fit and les off every once in a while. Otherwise I'm not watching that either.

Oh, and in the news, I wrapped my Christmas presents earlier. That was in the paper as well.

A typical wrapped present, before it's returned for cash.

I hope to God everyone's kept the receipts for all the Christmas prezzies. There always seems to be something smashed in them, not everything of course, but just the one present. Just to make the other presents look worthwhile I suppose.

Well well well.....

2004-12-20T01:30:00.000-08:00

Life's a bitch and then you find one in the News of the World.

News Of The World article

This is fecking classic; a known actor who has been the centre of a major storyline in on one of the U.K.'s biggest soap operas, taking drugs and sleeping with.......one of our Ex-Managers Miranda "The Village Bike" Lipinski lmfao!!!!!

2 weeks on the trot and I've known someone from me paper, amazing. Last week it was the guy who was in the same year as us for 5 years, then turned out to be a woman (still laffing at her misfortune lol) , and now this week Miranda (who used to be the works darts champion - more pricks than a second hand dartboard) has had an affair with Jimmi Harkishin from Coronation Street. The article is taken completely from her perspective, and looks like she set him up for the sex. I'm not saying it was her choice that they ended up doing cocaine, as he stuck it up his own nose and sniffed his brains out himself. But it seems sooooooooo damn conveiniant that there's a hidden camera lined up perfectly to take the photos of him sniffing it. Oh my god, have you read this crap?!?!?!? "But I got worried when they started talking about threesomes and I made it clear I wasn't into that kind of scene." BOLLOCKS!!!!!! Unless of course she was on about she's normally into at least 8 or 9. You she, Miranda is a dirty slag, and I say that as an identifying speech, rather than an insult. She's had sex with other members of staff in my workplace, including one of me mates, which I won't say his name as James is a bit shy. A few years back I went on another friends Engagement Night out, and we were also with a group of lesbian friends. We ended up at a gay club in Swansea called the H2O Club in the Marina (I'm not homophobic by the way, each person to themselves, as long as they don't enforce their opinion on others) . While in there, who should run past but Miranda dragging a girl into the toilets while having fun, so to speak. She's been known to get involved in various sex acts, which before we had heard of but not witnessed. But as the saying goes "If you chuck enough shit some sticks", and we'd seen enough shit to know that this is true. Her husband must be reeling.

Oh my god, I forgot to tell you, she's married lmao! Stuart Lipinski; there's a man with a nervous disposition. And who could blame him? Every time his back is turned, she's off screwing something or someone else, and now is making money from it too. Stuart was another manager with us around the time where she worked here, and she was seeing him for a while. Even in work, if any bloke went to ask her something trivial to do with work, he'd leggit over to her and try to butt into the conversation. I'd say it was bordering on pathetic, but it was well past that lol. He almost started a fight at one of the Staff Do's because my manager at the time (a legendry drinker by the name of Neil Harris, great bloke) made a few sex jokes while standing within 10 yards of Miranda. These jokes were being told to me and a mate, and we weren't even looking at "her highness" either. Stuart walks upto Neil and accuses him of taking the piss out of his wife and asks him to step outside. Now Stuart is a big bloke, but Neil's bigger. You don't accuse a 6 foot 5 ex doorman of something that he hasn't done, because that would just be a bit suicidal. Thankfully we managed to convince Neil to go home, as he would've ended up killing either Stuart, or some other poor bastard instead.

To the best of my knowledge, Stuart is still married to her, as she still holds his married name in the News of the World article. No offence, no matter how pretty she is, the first time she slept with someone else would've been the last, and her ass would've have hit the pavement outside quicker than her suitcases.

No matter how pretty she is, she's still a cock whore

Edit: just found out that Stuart's finally plucked up the balls and split up with the dirty little trollop. Maybe he's turned into Michael Douglas from Falling Down.

Also just found this;

Grab A Grand Homepage

It's the show Miranda's working on at present, I mean ffs. It's the tits channel all over again.

Some Disturbing People Out There, And In Here

2004-12-17T08:41:00.000-08:00

Before anything, check this out;

Special TV

Homemade comedy channel; daft, but they try.

Back in work for the evening shift again, and am wondering where the more loonies are; the other side of the telephones, or on our side? After personal experience, I'd have to say both. True, there are some fucking loony-tunes who ring up our building, from people who've dropped their own phone screaming "Fuck me, my sausages are burning!" to people actually demanding a fucking computer to go with the internet which we provide. But there again, in this workplace, the best way to survive is to be a bit of a loony-tune yourself. To a certain degree. If you take things seriously in here, you may as well be down the job club next week licking stamps and posting letters. A friend once described this job as "the blind leading the retarded", and he was spot on. I've never had the pleasure of working somewhere where doing your job can get into almost as much trouble as not doing it, not until I started here.

Well, in fairness it wasn't always like this. As an example, I'm one of the rare members of staff here who've been employed and doing this job for more than 4 years. Out of about 400-500 staff, I'd say that there are about 40-50 who have worked here for that period of time. From then I've seen our customers change from 100,000 people who know what the internet and computing is, to 1.5 million customer who barely know what a fucking toaster is, let alone a Windows operating system. We had calls from University Professors asking us what DNS we'd need to specify, and would actually have challenging things to do here. The only challenge now is not to get caught smiling, as it is a Nazi offence.

Plus this computer that I've logged into tonight has the drunken-mouse drivers installed too. Move the mouse up, and it goes 2mm's up and 4 metres to the right.

STOP BITCHING WORK...........

Anyroads....what's been happening then? Um...oh yeah, that was the other thing. Swansea.

Swansea Sucks!!!!

The beloved city of Swansea (even though all of it's residents call it a town) has been away from the limelight for too long. It has been pushed to the side and has shamefully been ignored for other places like Cardiff and Mid-Wales (they filmed parts of Tomb Raider 2 in Mid-Wales, although to be honest they shouldn't have bothered). Obviously, we've had some fame recently appear from our midst's, the most recent being Catherine Zeta Jones. Even if she is one step away from necrophilia, she's certainly put Swansea into the limelight a bit. We also have the amazing success of the film Twin Town which was quite well received, and almost up there with the classic Trainspotting , which was out a year earlier. Twin Town, just in case you aint ever heard of it at all, was based entirely in Swansea, and was about the Lewis twins causing havoc among the locals. Parts of the film still make me laugh, and it's over 7 years since it hit the big screens. Apart from having been in almost every location, and recognising certain peeps in it too.

A new edition to the Swansea TV family is Mine All Mine starring Griff Rhys Jones. A comedy drama about Max Vivaldi, local skin-flint con-man who inherits the entirety of Swansea and starts running it his way. Is not that bad actually, had some funny moments on it. It's missing a couple of bits from it however, for example the tramps who take their regular toilet break outside the train station.

Just tried something out on IMDB, try searching on your own name on the site. I found this. Christ, I haven't seen Lifeforce for yonks either, although it was a bit fecking shite to be honest, it did have a high baps out count, which made it watchable.

Blimey, had time to catch-up on my other hobbie today, which is wasting time by any means neccesary. I normally do this via 1 of 4 options; Gamecube, PS2, Xbox or PC. I did a mix of the two today, playing Smackdown vs Raw, then an hour stint on Planetside on the PC (which rocks). I did do something funny the other month though, to do with the Gamecube;

With Nintendo's official products, they ask you to register on a VIP website (I think the url is http://www.nintendo-vip.com) which by all accounts give you prizes back for spending so much with them. Considering that you get 250 bonus points with them per game, I got roughly 8100 points registered lol. The funny thing I did was to do with their forums, maintained to allow kids to post anything "cool and funky" which comes up Nintendo related. I thought I'd check these forums out of sheer boredom, and came across an article relating to motion sickness. Basically a few kids had tried playing Metroid Prime, and after about half an hour they had all had to quit with complaints of being dizzy or ill. So they posed the question "Anybody know any ways around this?". Jeccius steps to the podium, cape blowing heroicly in the wind, ready for the windup oppertunity.

"Well, I've been doing some digging around the internet on this, as a few of my friends suffered from it when playing Quake. And what I've found out, is that it's to do with the way in which your brain interprets all the information being displayed in front of you. Your brain can't cope with this level of information, and causes the side-effects of dizzyness and nausea. A similar thing occurs to people who suffer from epilepsy, where the information being sent to the brain is too much to cope with. Obviously, with epilepsy the sufferer takes medication to deal with the attacks, but some cheat by wearing an eye-patch to limit the amount of information being sent to the brain. This eases the strain and makes it easier for them to do everyday tasks. As both are closely linked, I wouldn't recommend taking medication, but the eye-patch trick might work?"

The amount of people posting "I'll try that now, cheers matey" was comical, so much so that I had to go onto that forum the next day, to see the results. Funnily enough, about 8 of them had tried it, and all posted stuff like "That didn't work at all, tried it for an hour and felt awful" etc etc. After laughing at all the replies, I decided to post "Did it work? No? You dullards!!! lmao" and never set foot into their forum again.

Yearrr, get ye Metroid on ye sick seadog, yearrr!!

Xmas Almost Here

2004-12-16T09:05:00.000-08:00

Check this out;

B3ta Question of the Week

Some classic responces already on this; was only posted this afternoon :D

Today has been a nightmare; I've worked this morning, finished at 12.15, been in "the mall" for 3 hours, spent triple figures on Xmas prezzies; got home with them, hid the lot then went straight to work.

I'm tired and highly irritable.

Basically, due to my split shift rota, I've got 4 hours off a day, then am back in later in the day. This works out that I'm in twice a day all week except for 1 random shift and saturday afternoon. I get sundays off as part of the setup. Only probs being that I am in all of next week, except for saturday and sunday. Meaning that I'm in until this saturday morning, having saturday night and sunday off, then I'm in right up until Xmas bloody Eve. 2 fecking days off and I'm back in on the monday... am not happy. What's doubly more fecking annoying is that I've recently been suffering from Dermetographic Urticaria - an allergic reaction to an unknown substance, which makes your body produce hell of alot more Hystamene than it's meant to, and sometimes develop into "hives". Hives are thick white lines that appear if the skin has been scratched or protruded by any implement. Quick translation equals if you scratch my arm, a thick white line of Hystmene will build up under the scratch and will cause a white lump to appear. Which burns like hell. I'm on anti-hystemenes which are stemming it, but only marginally. The doctor, although he'd never personally seen it before, did find it in a book and identify the allergic reaction. One funny thing did happen though; the Doc got me to lower the shirt on my arm, and scraped his pen with a cross shape on my upper arm. After a minute, it turned red-raw and became very itchy. So, we sat down for 5 minutes talking about it, and another Doc walked in asking for advice. My Doc turns arounds, says "Forget about that, have a look at this!" and yanks my shirt down to the other Doc, to reveal that I've got a white unholy cross growing out of my arm. The look on this new Doc's face was a picture, and probably didn't help that I turned to him at that point and say "Behelzebub lives in all of us" in a real deep voice, while glazing my eyes over. It was only when my Doc started laughing that the other let out his breath though, I swear to god lol.

I swear to god this isn't me, but someone I found on t'internet

The reason why I'm telling you all this is not because I'm after sympathy in any way, no sir...... it's just that it makes me highly strung! And in my job, patience is not just a virtue, it's a way of life! I've explained to my management that I'm not 100%, but because my holidays have been used (getting married, couldn't really do that in work) I've got to work all the way through it. This means that in my job I get to speak to all the annoyed peeps who can't get they're computers or internet working before Xmas, but more often or not it's something completely different. It basically fucking infuriates me as to how some people can consider buying a lavish internet connection, when they can't operate a fucking microwave, let alone Windows. Recently our beloved Sales Department have run out of likely candidates to sell the internet to, so they've targeted alot of OAP's. We regularly get calls from grannies trying to e-mail the rest of the family, who've moved to somewhere abroad, eg Austrailia. Now no offence, but why did the rest of the family flee the country, and you ended up staying in the U.K. ? I'll give you a clue; they don't want you there for Xmas my dear, let alone the rest of the year. The last thing they want is you nagging them all the time, and the Internet is the perfect medium for you to be spamming le fuck out of your Daughter-in-Law with tips on cooking. I bet she'll fucking adore you for that love. Now take a hint, stick to the once-a-six-month letter and stop fucking ringing us!

Funniest call though, was someone ringing up the Dialup Support Line and asking if she could have the Tyson fight on. Wouldn't have been as funny if it wasn't for the fact that she sounded 90. Images of a granny bouncing up and down on a sofa screaming "Kill him!!!!! Kill hiiiiimmmm" at the TV often cheer me up in moments of despair.

The World is Starting to Watch....

2004-12-16T01:38:00.000-08:00

Blimey. After making that last post regarding the Ugly Dogs and Stupid Blogs I have come to realise that I am not alone in the Land of Jeccius. After myself discovering the joys of random Blogging, other users have been doing so for some time, in fact well before I started this site for starters. In fact, I have been contacted by two of these Blogger Hoppers, both were yesterday as well. Firstly, big mention to Alexa whom runs a website called http://www.nyhotties.com which run a Blog Carnival, where everyone with they're own Blogs can meet up and share links. Quite a good idea, cuts out the randomness of Blogs and cuts to the best available (or found so far). Cheers for ze e-mail and the link honey!

Also Beerli, what's your Blog? I'll link it as well for good luck :)

Also, I found a webcam in a cat;

And I also found this, which just goes to show that the Google Image search is awesome :D

Literally went to Image Search and typed in "cockeyed". I love the internet I do :D

I also found this quite by accident; The Hamstery. How scary is this site?

In other news, David Blunkett was forced to resign from the position of Home Secretary due to his dealings with the mother of his child. Tony Blair asked for security to show him the door, which is apparently what he says to them every time Blunkett visits No. 10. Blind git lol.

Oh my GOD!!!!! Look what I just found;

Worst idea on November 5th - This is shocking! What a fucking loon.

Ugly Dogs And Stupid Blogs

2004-12-14T09:22:00.000-08:00

Had to post this for the sheer hell of it

What a gurner on that dog, imagine that in Crufts. He looks like the plant out of "Little Shop Of Horrors". Ugly bastard.

Oh my god. Have you tried the option on the top-right hand corner of this webpage, called "Next Blog"? If you haven't before, click the button and stand back a bit at some of the other nuts.

Here's a few I've found so far;

http://blograyan.blogspot.com/ - ugh?

http://wrinkledmind.blogspot.com/ - nung?

http://einarogeva.blogspot.com/ - Ugliest kid award here, but definate MILFage at the same time.

http://somersaulter.blogspot.com/ - Bridget Jones. Fuck off.

There was hell of alot of other posts in Arabic, which funnily enough didn't mean feck all to me, except that it looked like an imported bottle of Coca Cola label. Some disgrunted peeps out there though....ooooooohhhhh. There are also some complete arseholes too, which gives me something to do in work for the next few hours (as I insult them lol).

Edit - just been sent a link from Alexa, admin of the http://www.nyhotties.com website. Apparently they setup a Blogger carnival where all Bloggers meet up and show off the goods. Many thanks for the link.

Rough Staff Do and Other Odd Stories

2004-12-13T01:20:00.000-08:00

Hurrah! "Invented roughly 8 years ago, the tradition of Xmas Staff Do's is one which is held with pride and no prejudice across Britain, where sad lonely workers attempt to mate to the Office Tart. Sometimes stationery is involved." - says Tom Baker (probably).

Yes, that's right, I'm fresh off the Xmas Staff Do bandwagon along with 18 others from our team of Tech Support agents in Swansea, and boy was it rough. Well, let me re-phrase that. Alot of the night was a real good laugh (which I'll go into detail shortly), but the night did end with two of our resident over-fourty nice guys getting physically assualted by two thugs in a taxi queue, for no reason whatsoever. Not going into detail with this, but they are two guys who basically don't do any harm to anyone, and didn't deserve it in the slightest. Even if one of them annoyed us with this two-cork trick, which by far works best when shown to drunks. Both were taken to hospital; one of them had a nasty cut on the back of his head, most probs needing stitches to the back of his head, other had a cut on his forehead. Otherwise the only other thing that was hurt was the night out, which before this was a good night.

The basic formula for a typical office staff do in our company is to get groups of 12-15 peeps and stuff them into a resteraunt. Once they have dined, pick volunteers from this group and pour the leftovers into a club nearby, shake one, add some tablespoons of tequila and someone making a pillock, then kebabs and bus fare home for all. We had a formula-following xmas this year, which against my better judgement went quite well. If only for the drink. The resteraunt of choice this year was a small Italian's called "Gillini's", which apart from the meun, which was all italian food, was complete run by chinese people. And to be honest, I literally just realised this fact as well lol! I just mentioned it to one of the managers who was there, and he didn't realise either. In terms of food, I've fallen to the phrase "This is stunning, in small amounts". I literally had a small part of sirloin steak, covered in pepper sauce. On the plate accompanying it was a tiny finely cut carrot, and some cress. That was it. I got some bread, and mopped up the pepper sauce out of sheer desperation at one point. £13 for that. Honestly, I could've cooked a 16 oz steak for less than that, and it would've been nicer. But work did pay for it, so their loss heh heh heh.

During our last supper, our manager Anthony rushed to the toilet after spilling tomato sauce over his white shirt. This sparked off a very bizarre event, which was also immensely funny. To call the Men's toilet small was to say that Space is "possibly a bit big" ie it was a cupboard with a lav in the corner. Right in front of this lav was a sink facing to the right, with a mirror. Opposite the mirror was the door. Hopefully you've got this idea in your head of how compact all of this is. Anthony huddles himself by the sink, and is wiping the sauce off his skirt, um shirt rather frantically before it stains. As he's doing this, one of our resident nutters named Bibby walks in, squeezes past Anthony, and quite scarily drops his kegs and starts taking a dump right next to our boss. Cue akward silence, as Anthony is now terrified and scrubbing his shirt for his life, while Bibby is depositing ploppy goodness for gold. What's worse is that once done, Anthony walked out, and left the double doors to the toilet open for a split second, where half of the people eating could quite happily see a Bibby releiving the strain of a bum torpedo.

Other than that, I had to leave early to meet up with me mate Jason (new dad, see prev post) and didn't see anyone until 12.20am where the two lads were assaulted. Shame that it ended on that note, because the night will now primarily be remembered for that incident only.

So, that was saturday, but there's more???? (You almost care).

Reading the News of the World yesterday, and more importantly the Sunday Magazine. Fuck me did I have a shock. About 15 years ago I went to Penlan Comprehensive School for Boys for 5 years, and endured alot of shit there which I won't forget. Some of it was great, but there was alot of bullying etc, which took me a few years to learn to deal with it. Some others weren't as lucky, and were constantly bullied/tormented. One of these was an odd looking bloke called Lee Dark. He used to live about 5 minutes away from my house, and about a year ago me and me dad drove past him and even my father said "Who's that oddbob?". Well it turns out that Lee's been in some huge confusion for pretty much the entirety of his life, and may explain a few things to us to.....

Lee was a girl, and didn't know it!!!!!!

She went through our school and was bullied to hell, went through life as a bloke and never knew until a few months ago. Holy feck!!!!!

First thing I done, I texted about 8 people who was in school with her and all I got was "Holy shit!!!", "Bloody hell!", and the best which was "Fuck me. Oddball country or what?".

I'm not making this up, this is a genuine article that was in this week's Sunday mag. We're all a bit stunned. She's a fecking minger though, I wouldn't. She'd had to have been ugly, to be considered as a bloke for 27 years lmao!

4th December.....and all's crap

2004-12-04T01:03:00.000-08:00

Except for me mates Jason and Truds who just had a baby boy this week, big congrats!

Ermm.....that stopped the winging a bit. Only a bit though.

The office Mekon gets another mention; he's by all accounts having pre-emptitive surgery done this week. Bit fucking late for that to be honest, which is what his team members said when they found out. To his face as well, which is absolutely classic.

Saturday morning stuck in work, exactly 3 weeks before Christmas Day as well. Got loads of shopping to do, but by god it don't feel like Christmas. Even the adverts on telly can't be arsed with it; we used to get 1 in 2 adverts mentioning something on the lines of "Buy this for Christmas or it's out the door", but not this year. Christmas TV is currently "I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here", or "Celebrity Big Brother In a Greenhouse".

What a bunch of twangulars they got this time (although having Huggy Bear there was a genuinly good choice). Who'd have thought that we'd have a program with Joe Pasquale and Huggy Bear? Doesn't get any better than that. Well, yes it does actually.

Natalie Appleton, or "I'm hunting for publicity Twat" for short.

Taken from the ITV website

Sure I've seen her in a film....

There she is in "Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets"

Ant and Dec must've been laughing at her all of the time in this program, I mean she was there for comedy element and by shouting "I touched a tree!" that didn't realy help to build her profile.

Not talking about it anymore, it pains me to think that telly has gone sooooo crap over the last decade. We've gone from having some classic entertainers, to You've Been Framed, and no-one cares. Makes me sick it does.

President Fun

2004-12-02T09:35:00.000-08:00

The Ukraine are having a bit of a laff recently. All this bother with regards to election rigging with Yanukovych and Yushchenko has had the country in uproar. Now, their supreme court have recently annnouced that they want a re-vote, but to also include other external candidates as well. I think it's funny as feck; it's like an episode of Saved By The Bell. I reckon Screech bungled up the balot boxes, and on the re-vote will be declared President of the Ulkraine.

Don't ask which one's which please

President Screech in all his glory. If he's not in rehab by now then they must have realllllllly watered down the coke.

Every part of the Ulkraine have been against each other; the best one was by far a News Reader doing her job, and in the bottom corner a superimposed sign-reader telling everyone that the News Reader is a fucking lair, and not to believe a word she says lol, right out of a comedy sketch. First time I saw them doing sign language when I was a nipper I thought the woman was fitting on TV...great program this is mam!

I've been very good so far to not mention the Bush Global Domination campaign, which after being re-elected seems to be going back on track as per normal. At this moment they are currently increasing the number of US troops in Iraq to 150,000 (must be true, they said on the BBC website), and 700 hotdog vans. They'll be having they're own football stadium if they send anymore peeps over there.

What they should have done was pull everyone out, and send the A-Team in.

The Al-Queda better run, otherwise they'll get blown up, and miraculously crawl out of the wreckage unharmed with they're hands up.

They'd be perfect for the Gulf War; in every single one of their battle engagements no-one died. You don't get better peace keeping than that. I'd bet if B.A. launched a nuclear missle attack on Iraq, while shouting "I pitty da foo!" there wouldn't be a casualty.

Gap in the last few months - oh and got married too

2004-12-02T02:05:00.000-08:00

I've been making me own HTML webpage, URL being http://homepage.ntlworld.com/jeccysden
Just a collection of crud pics of work colleagues, doctored for our amusement. I did some general pics too on http://homepage.ntlworld.com/jeccysden/junk/junk.html , which are in more relation to www.b3ta.com than anything else.

Also been trying to find another job......christ that's been unsuccessful. Unless I want to make Big Macs instead of eating them, I've been so far out of luck. I did get married though, which I suppose would have alot of input as to why there's been no real updates. Christ that was a strange experience lol snip! (that's the sound of my wife reading this and twanging me balls off)

We had a bizarre but nice service in the Old Blacksmith's Shoppe in Gretna Green, which if you've ever been there is a small tourist shop (with lots of whisky, god bless them) and a chapel/museum stuck next to it. Due to the distance from Swansea, only 4 of us went (myself, me wife, Best man and me sister) and travelled for 8 hours by car up the M6 to the border. After a brief tour of the place, we found that it basically consisted of a few shops and resteraunts next to it, and the Hazeldene Hotel/Pub which is approx 30 metres down the road from the place. Oh, and a KICK ASS SPAR as well, which made awesome sandwiches as you waited. On Friday September 17th at 3.30pm we got married, but there was a little bit more to it than that. Somehow we were perfectly timed inbetween the rainy season (as in a 6 hour non-rain gap, which was incredible considering that this was hurricane season and we were getting the rain fronts hitting us for 6 weeks of Florida rubble). We had tourists there, which was really odd, as they were taking photos of us getting married. Bizarre old grannies saying congratulations, and I was literally saying "Who the fuck are you?". We also had a guy from work walk past, and see us too, which is just downright bloody odd as I work in Swansea, South Wales, and this was on the Scottish border?!!?!? I can't get away from them, they got spies everywhere. I also stuck the ring on the wrong finger, but I'm not going to mention that :p

But the main thing was, the Wedding(tm) did go well; we had all the photos done before it went to rain, and we all ran to the Hazeldene Hotel in full wedding gear, started drinking and playing pool, which scared the locals a bit, but was a real good laff and all. Me in me kilt and the wife in her full Wedding Dress trying to trick-shot the black was a bit of a laff. Did I not mention that I was in a kilt for the Wedding? 1st excuse I could find to put a skirt on I was in, cmon! Sporrens are equally awesome, as you can see why women have handbags; really roomy etc. I had me wallet, a camera and 2 room keys in mine, plus I had room for a gameboy if the wedding was going pear-shaped too :p

Almost forgot; on the way up, we stopped at some services on the M6 and when we went back to the car, my sister was shouting at the car saying that there was a bird on her seat. So I look in through the back door, and a sparrow is on the floor by her seat, which does a double-take glance at me, then legs it under the drivers seat. So we all wait outside the car with the doors open, while we wait for a sparrow to get it. In almost-monsoon type rain. Thinking "Little bastard". After a minute of it taunting us, it decided to fly out, which didn't help as the rain was through to the skin by then. Git.

Reagan Kicks the Bucket

2004-06-07T23:52:00.001-07:00

Here he is in a rare happy moment, watching WWE RAW. Go on Benoit!

The sad news of ex US President Ronald Reagan finnaly losing his struggle against Alzheimer's Disease is one which the USA are taking very seriously. Poor git didn't even know that he was President at some point, or for that matter, a very funny Spitting Image puppet either. Click here for news article if you actually care. If you don't click here, I won't complain.

I take it you've all heard of Venus's transit? Here's a quote from the BBC's science website (I kid you not), this is right on the top of the page;

THE TRANSIT OF VENUS

Venus passes across the face of the Sun on Tuesday 8 June 2004
The last transit of Venus was in 1882 - so no one alive has seen this rare event

No shit! Not even the Queen Mum saw it then, and she was over a 100, and made out of spare parts lol! It's like saying that no-one alive saw the Battle of Hastings.

She's stuffed and kept in an attic - the old battle-axe. She didn't see the last transit of Venus either. Well done the BBC!

The Queen Mum, or Yoda as some of her more adoring public called her (other than "old twat").

God, like twins seperated at birth

The Weekend After

2004-06-06T23:49:00.000-07:00

Gurgle....Monday morning work. Feck. Jen won that Hell's Kitchen, which is much better than Matt Goss winning it. Fair doos, she actually did look like she belonged there (as far as I can remember), so I'm not bitter about the result. At thesame time, wasn't that complete gimp lesbo woman Kitten voted off Big Brother 5?

Oh god, she's been let out to mingle with the public, fecking freak

She's a bit scary, aint she? By all accounts, she had to appear in court during the time that she was on the show, most probs for crimes against humanity lol. As quoted from the Big Brother Website ;

Day 8 - The serial protester stages a roof top protest to demand more food and alcohol from Big Brother. In stark contrast to Kitten's first trip onto the roof, the housemates were lukewarm in their reactions. What a difference a week makes.

So, after breaking all but one of the House rules that could be broken, Kitten is off. So long....you'll be missed...

Yup, she'll be missed....like a dose of Aids.

OMG, b3ta has started a topic on old kids programs ...really funny.

Also, started playing Archknight , but only works if you're a fully registered Guardian with Adventure Quest , which is good for me as I am. Heh heh heh, a curse to you unbeleivers. Archknight is very very nice, and a great example of showing what could be done on a webpage, if you put enough effort and resources into it.

All I gotta work out now, is what to do since Hell's Kitchen is finished......

PS Also found out that me car was only £120 to fix, and not £160, meaning £40 left for porn, awesome :)

Day after Overtime

2004-06-05T00:05:00.002-07:00

Crikey...am almost awake....I am the aftermath of 2 days of overtime...

Feeling rough....worked 25 1/2 hours instead of 15....the extra 10 and a half really took it out of me. Thank christ for the weekend, day and a half off and I need it. Need a shave too, am starting to resemble Neol Edmunds. Oh god.

"Nurse, stand back, prepare the syringe, 50mm of Kerosene, and 5 matches stat...we'll burn the fecker off!"

The ritual of having a shave is one of which I don't abide by frequently. Well I do, but that's if you call frequent once a month. Me razor's a Mach3 Turbo, meaning it's only meant to cut you twice instead of eight times. Sometimes I use it too. I'm trying to learn how to perfect the Ancient Art of the Goaty at the mo. I am still a lowly padawan compared to the Jedi Master pictured above. I don't know why George Lucas didn't cast the Edmunds as Obi-Wan, just imagine the Obi-Wan death scene;

Obiwan is walking down a black metallic corridor. Darth Vader steps out behind him.
Vader I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan. We meet again, at last. The
circle is now complete.
Obiwan and Vader go at it with varying stab and parry motions, reaching the point where Luke is in a shootout in the background. Obiwan sees this and notices that Darth takes interest in Luke, but not in a gay way.
Obiwan Run Luke, run!
Obiwan turns to Darth and lowers his lightsaber.
Obiwan Strike me down, and I'll come back more powerful than you could possibly imagine.
Vader Fair enough.
So Darth kills him, only to find that he's chopped up a rug. Darth looks spun out.
Luke No!!!!!! Luke isn't quite close enough to see that Obiwan has just disappeared, and is not dead
Luke and the rest run into the Millenium Falcon and that flies out while filling thier pants.
Vader Errrm.....(kicks the robe) that wasn't meant to happen. Guys (turns to rest of Storm Troppers), erm, did anyone see a naked Jedi run past?
Mumbling and the occasional nopes are heard.
Vader Ok...we'll just say I killed him. Sounds cool.
At that point, Noel Edmunds walks in disguised as a Traffic Warden.
Noel Are you allowed to park that rug there sir?
Darth Vader looks around, somewhat baffled by what's going on.
Vader Sorry about that...I'll move it if you want.
Noel I'm sorry, but it is causing an obstruction, I'll have to write you a ticket. You know why we give these tickets sir?
Vader Aw god, I've only been here two minutes, if I move it, can you scrap the ticket?
Just for the effect, Vader uses the Force(tm) to throw the robe onto a passing Storm Tropper, who comically trips over a dead body when trying to see where he's going.
Vader See? It's out the way now.
Noel I've started righting the ticket now sir...it's a criminal offence to destroy this sir. I'm not the criminal in this case, that's where you come in.
Vader Oh come on..starts rolling shoulders, looking like he's obviously sulking Well how much is it?
Noel Seventy pounds sir.
Vader Seventy Pounds? And you said I was the criminal!
Noel It can be paid at your local Post Office.
Vader Oh god, that was on Alderaan, and that blew up. Ahead of schedule too. Typical.
Noel Starting to smile now, trying not to laugh Er...well how about Hoth, bit far away, but they got a Post Office there. The Traffic Police accept Postal Orders.
Vader Okay. Sorry about that.
At this poing Mr Blobby enters with six Storm Troppers, all of which are doing the Can-Can.
Mr Blobbly Blobby blobby blobby!
Vader Penny beggining to drop What's going on here?
Noel Opens his traffic warden's jacket to reveal a Gotcha Oscar Gotcha!
Vader Yoooouuu bastard! Starts laughing and hugs Noel I said I'd never get caught, you bastard.
While they are all laughing, Luke comes back with the rest of the Rebellion and blows up the Death Star, while Darth and his goons with Noel are pissed on the after-show party. Thank fuck.

Much better ending than the original, I'm sure that you will agree.

Work Sucks

2004-06-04T05:18:00.000-07:00

Oh gawd, the village freak, also known as the Mekon, has just sat down opposite me. What the feck have I done to deserve this? I got 7 hours of this moron yapping to customers on ze phone to go now. I can't beleive it. I'm now considering "Was it worth the overtime?"

This is actually a rather good artist's impression of the freak; his head and face are frigheningly similar to that of the Mekon's; apart from the green we're looking at his passport to be honest. He is of catergory MEGA WINGER EXTREME GURU EDITION, which basically means that he winges until he gets. With anything. He was labelled by the Captain (that's me, that is) as being the Disk Squirrel. He'll winge and whine for you to burn as much for him as possible....even if it won't work for him he'll want it, just for the sake of it. Damn him, he of the big forehead. Damn him and his seating position of just 2 yards from me. Damn him indeed.

Oh no, mega-alert! As well as having Twonkhead the Scrounger opposite me, I've now got someone else sitting next to me, whose just as bad, but for different reasons. Reasons being good ol' Billy Whizz is a well known ex-druggy. He doesn't take the magic dough anymore, but it's left him is a well abuvise state, where he's gotta slap the keyboard instead of typing it. As well as that, he's also got to randomly stand up and walk around, while taking a call. We've seen it where he's on a call and walking about 10 feet from his phone, leaving the cable swinging about, and he almost tripped up 2 managers (almost, shame). Plonker.

Plus, he looks a bit like Blakey from "On the Buses" too. Heh heh heh.

EDIT

4 hours in, and blood is starting to come from me eyes and ears. Tim Henman has just lost to somebody which no-one's heard of in the semi's (keep that flag flying Tim, right in the runner's up spot lol) and Billy Whizz aint stopped fidgeting. I've tried to bribe him by sending him a link for this cool pool game but that only worked for 10 mins. He's got more concerntration than a ringworm, but the ringworm was a close second.

The Mekon is still opposite me, his headphones are wrapped around his big head like the rings of Saturn (about the same size too, lob headed mutant fecker) and the occasional groan is heard, as mentioned earlier. I've heard that he was made genetically out the DNA of Richard Obrien of Crystal Maze fame and a mad Gypsy woman from Mablethorpe. Would not surprise me in the slightest.

Been losing alot of concerntration today....2nd day of overtime, and I'm starting to feel it. 2 days on the trot working 4 hours extra per day does drain anyone a bit, especially in this kind of job. INTERNET TECHNICAL SUPPORT!!!! That's right, the Captain is one of those. But heed not, for I am not one of those "brought up just for the job" type people, to whom you hear many horror stories. I am the genuine article tech support type - was building these damn machines well before working here. So then....after establishing that I'm tech support, I'd like to point out that it is currently at my 24th hour of tech support, with 23 hours and 5 minutes of tech support given out by myself since yesyerday morning. It is now 6.20pm, and the peeps are not getting any more clever either. I would like to say that I don't personally hold a grudge against any of our customers (except for the ones which ask the impossible, christ, I've some stories of them - more on that in a bit lol), but I blame the people who sell them the products. As an example, 2 years ago, a random granny from Teeside would have thought that Broadband was a new type of knicker elastic, but nowadays we speak to them everyday.
"I can email my kids in Austrailia with Broadband" says one granny from Glasgow. Any particular reason why they are living on the other side of the world? To get away from irritating grannies, that's why. They don't want spam from their gran telling them the best way to cook Yorkshire puddings, hell no, they want the occasional Christmans Card and a letter, that'll do for fecks sake. Bet it takes the average gran 40 minutes to type a single sentenced e-mail anyroads. Too busy putting talcumn powder on or dying lol.

Erm....lost the plot then...where was I? Oh yeah, after working 24 hours out of the last 34 and a half hours speaking to mis-sold products etc it turns out that I'm losing a bit of focus. Yup, that does happen. If only I liked coffee. Damn. I've been opening up interesting webpages, and can't be arsed with any of them lol;

Adventure Quest our workplace tried to block this, dunno why, but they forgot to block the IP address, so it's kept me quiet :)

B3TA the saviour of the Internet, damn good collection of comedy and oddities, and obsessions with Domo.

Play For Your Club Good footy site

Christ I'm bored. Heard this wonderful story in the Sun today. Headlining alongside the tragic death of Britains Princess Di's Mum, who sadly passed away recently, we have a wonderful article on "Ducks have Accents!"

Why did I buy this paper? Oh yeah, for the tits.

PS Lancey wanted a shoutout. Fecking n00b.

Lancey's Blog

Right Lancey, there we go....stop spamming me, or I will spam you back (and I'm a better spammer).

PPS A Little Joke for our reader;

One fine day in the forest, Mr Rabbit is on his daily run when he sees a giraffe rolling a joint. ‘Giraffe, oh Giraffe!’ he calls. ‘Why do you do drugs? Come run with me instead!’ So the giraffe stops rolling his joint and runs with the rabbit. Then they come across an elephant doing lines. ‘Elephant, oh Mr Elephant, Why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead.’ So the elephant stops snorting, and goes running with the other two animals. Then they spy a lion preparing a syringe. ‘Lion, oh Mr Lion’ cries the rabbit, ‘Why do you do drugs? Come run with us instead.’ But no - with a mighty roar, the lion smashes the rabbit to smithereens. ‘No!’ cry the giraffe and the elephant. ‘Why did you do that? All he was trying to do was to help you out!’ The lion growls at them. ‘That fucking rabbit always makes me run around the forest when he's whizzing his tits off.’

Ha fecking ha.

Just deleted 175 work e-mails, 4 of which had something to do with work. And those 4 said the same thing, which we all knew anyway. Then, after discovering that one of our senior members, looks like Gollum, decided to draw a piccy of him, just to wind him up. Gotta make our own fun in work.

A Very Good Morning to all of your Bloggers out there

2004-06-04T04:24:00.000-07:00

Hello fellow Bloggers, Captain Jeccius here :)

I've literally just been introduced to this bloggerism of a site; looks rather interesting actually. Looks like a good place to winge, and share all of the good Captain's bad fortunes with the world..heh heh heh. I have been subject to varying degrees of torture - demons delivered straight from the wastes of the Promised land and appeared in the following forms;

1 - Me exhaust fell off - only a Peugot 106 1.1, but still a nice £160 bill for this. Great.

2 - Me works place owes me a nice £500 bonus, which should have been paid to my entire team last month, but HR decided to give us a further boost of help which is to stop us having it, and delaying it all until next month instead. God Bless the HR...may they all die slow with pesticide poisoning.

To cap these two off, I've also got an engagement party to organise (which sadly is my own, bumper fun) and also is my birthday on the beginning of next month. My birthday will be spent throwing stones at kids in the park me thinks....

Still though, been OD'ing on Hell's Kitchen and I've got to say with regards to the new Big Brother, they really dug the retrobates out of the barrel on this one. More tranformed mutants than an 80's toy convention going on at the mo, so unfortunately E4 will be viewing this live 18 hours a day, leaving only the other 6 hours for Friends re-runs (that will upset the Friends fans). I missed the opening night of BB5 unfortunately, heard it was repeated too. Had more important things to do sorry, was [INSERT EXCUSE HERE]. What I did see though, was one of the first BB updates, which had some blonde bloke walking around with his Norweigan delegate hanging out behind an apron. What was worse, some other bloke was wiping sun-cream into his @rse, while the rest of the 'cast' were all laughing like sealions. What a bunch of tards. I'm gonna watch channel 5, just to make a statement.

Going back to Hell's Kitchen, that has been real funny. Actually watching celebs do a hard day's work has been excellent, and watching them squirm and give up is even better. Big up to the ones who didn't quit intentionally, except for Roger Cook that is who lost a fight with a chair lol. The guy takes on the Russian Mafia and buys stolen Uranium, and breaks his knee when sitting on Ikea, the pillock :D

Still though, other than working 13 hour shifts to get as much overtime as possible (which will most probs turn up in my pay a decade next August) life has been nonchalent so to speak :)

More winges soon,

The Captain aka Jeccius